Grief & loss - may be triggering

[Appleblossom]

@Former-Member Thank you for the care in the way you write to me.

Atm I am waiting for plumber.  Its the second time I have needed one for the same place in my vanity.  I was not joking when I said I lived in a budget house.  I am going to ask them to do a better job as it is a real pest. Lucky I caught it this time and there was less damage.

I am glad your counsellor did something good and useful for you.  Getting a sense of the order of events and the time between them or the clusters where things were bad.

There is a difference between doing therapuetic work and venting.  Though often when people are overwhelmed it is important to be able to vent until the overflow has settled.

I know what you mean re forum. I was mildly aware it was happening at the time, and always tried to be fair and inclusive, but now it is confirmed. I connect with people about what is genuine to me and them.  Our connection occurred through sharing grief and the pain of families in the grip of MI, but also a very silly fun New Years Eve.  That wont change.  Thanks for being you.

[Former-Member]

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

How I wish I knew the right words for the grieving person - after all these years I have yet to work that out

"I am sorry for your loss" sounds so trite - possibly that's stanard and useful but it has become worn-out to me already 

I had to write a letter to my relatives when their son died and I chose to write this

"There are no right words and nothing I can say to console you except that I know what it is like to lose my own son to such devastating circumstances"

Maybe something similar can let the grieving person know how we care and how helpless we are in the face of such grief - I don't know

But we are helpless - in the long run we might know something of their circumstances - we can say that and how sorry we are to know what they have endured and continue to endure

As I understand something of your loss and you understand mine - 

Actually a deeper understanding develops over time and I am glad you and I have had the chance to share so much

Dec

btw - Decadian5 is me - on my mobile phone - I forget how I actually got that to happen and I don't know how long it will last and sheesh - it takes me ages to send such a message but let's use it while it lasts

[Adge]

Thanks for thinking of me @Former-Member No not better yet, but getting there.

I can relate to what you said about experiencing nasty comments, & feeling silenced (not able to write or say anything).

I have had that happen to me 3 or 4 times at least.

I don't feel as comfortable writing or expressing myself recently.

I feel like walking on eggshells, in some forum threads.

Adge

[Former-Member]

Hi @Owlunar,

Umm, yes I see that you have just mentioned having two accounts. You can post from multiple devices using a single account so I'll send you an email about it. P.S. I am slow when posting from a mobile too!

[Former-Member]

Hi @Adge,
I am sorry to hear that you've not felt comfortable recently on some of the threads. No one wants to be treading on eggshells when logging on to the forums. It is really important to us that members do feel this is a safe space for sharing. If you or any other member feels that there some troubling interactions going on then I would encourage you to be in touch with us on the forum email team@saneforums.org

[Adge]

Thanks @Former-Member

Adge

[Former-Member]

Ooo Ooo @Adge, looks like we found some eggshells again. I have a post taken down (for appearing to target someone in a picture which certainly would not be my intension - wish i could remember ehat it was and hope i didnt offend YOU). And you have a really nice caring response from bigwig. 

THIS WAS MY POST

 LOL Sorry you've felt that way too @Adge, I thought u were doing really well, my 'bpd blackdog'  parts were even feeling a bit left out lol, not really.  I've learned to not care what happens here, just focus on & care for individual people, in the moment, and not giving too much of myself.  If that makes any sense. When I first came I gavegavegave. But they nocked me into shape in knowing I had little to offer really. 

Just only in the moment as best I cancan now, that's all I can give. Some are really good at it - I'm not. A lot of people are hurting here - bruised and sensitive, and some angry and some so empty needy its draining, so we just plod along as best we can and hope not to hurt anyone as we fumble through our own pain. I'd miss you if you weren't here. Wish you were here in real life sometimes when I see a bird I want to turn to you and saw "look at that! Wow! Actually, today I saw an eagle and a flock of corella squarking like cockatoos. Yep, thought of you xox

@Dec I don't understand what about the two accounts business. Thought you had them merged. I remember when you were Decadian. 

Thanks for your grief empathy. You are so articulate with heart issues. 

I'm slowslow here using  mobilemobile too  (its all i got atm), lose a lot of good posts hitting wrong buttons... 

Takes longer.

 gotta go help dad to bed. Don't get to sit long. 

[Adge]

Loss of health is a cause for Grief (something to grieve).

Loss of childhood innocence (being abused or neglected) is grief also.

Trying to come to terms with having had a childhood of severe neglect, emotional & physical abuse - as well as SA.

All are causes of CPTSD, even without any SA.

As my psychologist reminded me (several times), severe long-term childhood neglect has long-term consequences. Perhaps worse than my SA (she thinks).

Because the neglect & emotional A went on for over 20 years.

Someone on another thread has just reminded me (by their story) that I sustained a serious head injury at primary school (about age 10).

I was knocked unconscious by a another student for several hours - yet no Dr was ever called (to the school). No tests for concussion were ever done.

Adge

[Former-Member]

You OK tonight @Adge, where did that post come from? You are really working through your grief. You probably had concussion after being an unconscious 10yo, wonder if anyone noticed 😞 I'm Dorty you had these neglect & abandonment wounds to your fragile self bavl then. How lonely you must have felt. How strong you must he to press on thus far, in spite of it.
You OK?