Am Not Coping

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hydrotherapy and jelly .... does sound like a good day @Zoe7 .... lol 

I am home after a long day out .... just what the doctor ordered I think ..... a giant time-out .....

There is another decision to be made over Wolfie .... and it’s headed in a sh*t direction at the moment.  Don’t want to spell it out, but I am angry / sad about it.  Throwing myself at my art is the best. distraction. ever. and I am hoping for the best outcome for Wolfie ..... I have spoken up for him, and that is all I can do for now.

[Zoe7]

Oh @Faith-and-Hope that does not sound good at all - feeling for you Hon - I know he is more than 'just a dog' to you  I hope you can reach an amicable solution for him 

[Faith-and-Hope]

 It everyone has weighed in yet @Zoe7, so I have to wait and see, but with mr. game-playing as he did with the decision to give Wolfie away and who he gave him to, I am expecting he will try to go around me with this one too 😔

[Zoe7]

Are you able to 'get in first' and see Wolfie re-homed with someone before that happens @Faith-and-Hope?

[Faith-and-Hope]

No @Zoe7 .... and that wouldn’t be “playing by the rules” either .... and while mr. isn’t doing that, he is pretending he is ..... and the kids really need me to hold the boundaries where they belong so both of us are not manipulating and trying to one-up each other, no matter the rights or wrongs of what is being dealt out.  There will be a trail looking backwards, and my trail has to stay clean, for my own integrity, but also to keep the kids’ trust moving forward.

Things have been working out so far, even though at times it has looked like it won’t ..... so I have to keep trusting that and try to distract and numb in positive ways.

[Zoe7]

Yeah I get it Hon and you have been nothing but a rock in this whole situation so I totally respect you keeping along the lines you have for your family's sake. I can only imagine how hard this is for you though @Faith-and-Hope - but you need to look at the bigger picture too and that is the well-being of yourself and your kids in the longrun - love and hugs to you Hon 

[Faith-and-Hope]

I knew you would understand that @Zoe7. 

🦋💕

[Zoe7]

I do @Faith-and-Hope but that doesn't make it any easier for you to have to deal with Hon. I am so glad you have your art classes now to give you some joy in your days - because we both know it is still a long road ahead of you. It is times like these that I wish I could comfort you and take some of the pressure off for just a moment 

[Faith-and-Hope]

I have sort of anticipated that with the arrival of the opportunity to go back to study might coincide with an increase in distress and pressure within our situation ..... like a ying / yang sort of effect.  Right up until we arrive at a crash point / diagnosis / awakening / intervention we are on a downward trajectory, and it makes sense that it will speed up too.  My studies are providing an airbag, if you like.

[Zoe7]

Yep I get it @Faith-and-Hope - the controlling behaviour is only useful if YOU can be controlled and your study is leading you in a different, very independent direction - it is a yin-yang push-pull  scenario - what gives you so much joy is yet another thing for Mr. to have-a-go at ...whilst he can do what he likes with his new business endevaours you are unable to do with your studies as that does not fit in with him having control over his world - of which you and the kids are a part of. It is sooo difficult for you but the end result will be that you have done something that you have always wanted to complete and it will (is) enrich your life.