Am Not Coping

[Shaz51]

I can imagine that my sister @Zoe7 

sending you hugs ,

[Zoe7]

Hugs to you too @Shaz51.Sleep well 

[Shaz51]

i am going to see if i can get some more sleep my sister @Zoe7 

got a sore neck , aching xx

hope you are ok , take care my sister , will talk after , try to do something relaxing

[Zoe7]

I'll be ok - going to snuggle up on the couch with Toby and try not to get too into my own head.

Look after yourself my sister - if your neck gets worse please see your GP or go to the ED - that could be a sign of more than a cold - hopefully not but it is a concern if you don't usually get a sore neck.

Let me know how you are when you wake.

Hugs and love...

Zoe 

[Shaz51]

good morning my sister @Zoe7 

will be thinking of you today xx

Hello @Former-Member 

[Zoe7]

Morning @Shaz51 I'm still awake! I hope you got a little sleep and your neck is feeling better. 

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Zoe7,

I thought I'd swing by TOR to see how you are travelling. I have been totally absorbed in my own muddle for the past few weeks and I know I am kind-of ignoring everybody else a bit. This latest saga of being dumped by the psychologist has been amazingly destructive and I'm also still really struggling with how poorly I am connecting with my other psychologist (A). I can see that we are never going to get on the same page because we are such different people. She is really lovely, but definitely a bit of an air-head...and I am about as far removed from being an air-head as you can possibly get. So yeah, definitely not a great match.

Anyway, how are you? I noticed that you didn't sleep at all last night. I can't imagine what that must be like. In the past couple of weeks I've been waking in the early hours drenched in sweat and having a lot of trouble getting back to sleep. This is extremely unusual for me and I know it reflects just how destructive this latest saga has been. You experience sleeplessness about a bazillion times worse than me. It must be awful. It seemed like the medication was helping for a while there. Do you have any idea why last night was so tough?

Are you still seeing your GP every day? You must have the most awesome GP. I am so very VERY grateful that I too now have an awesome GP for the first time in my life. It's so funny, she knows so little about mental health, and yet she is currently helping me a lot more than my psychologist. I know that comes down to personality - she and I are a lot more similar than (A) and I are!

From the bits I've read, it sounds like you have connected well with both a psychiatrist and a psychologist? That is so super awesome. It makes such a gigantic difference having that support around doesn't it!

Anyway, I really just wanted to check in. I super love how you sit by the shore and leave gifts there, while I bob around in the ocean. I'm really not wave-riding at the moment, just bobbing around feeling totally adrift from the world. But that's ok. Nothing lasts forever. This too shall pass.

I hope you are able to have a restful day today @Zoe7.

[Zoe7]

It's nice to see you back in TOR @Phoenix_Rising for a visit 

You haven't been ignoring everyone little turtle - you have just been doing what you need to do to get you through your muddle and keep you 100% success rate of surviving each day in tact! 

I have got very lucky with all the professionals I see. I am currently not seeing my psychologist (been over a month now) as it was becoming far too difficult and distressing for me. Both my GP and then my psychiatrist were very concerned about what may happen if I continued as I was 'far too unwell' to 'deal with it'!! I totally agreed. I have to reconnect with her again in a couple of weeks - but just to 'touch base'. My psychiatrist is going to try to arrange for all 3 to connect to discuss where I am at and look at some kind of plan moving forward. This may not be able to be arranged but at least I know they are all on the same page - as am I. I only see my GP 3 times a week now but she is going to be away for nearly 2 weeks from tomorrow - it's a bit of a concern but I am not as anxious about it as I would have been even a few weeks ago. She has arranged for me to see another GP at the practice if I need to - I haven't seen here before but I do 'see' her everytime I am at the clinic and she always says hello when she sees me - that common courtesy goes a long way with me! She is also going to give me the number of a friend (GP) in Sydney that I can see while I am there if I need to. So I think we have all bases covered for the next 2 weeks. 

The meds are certainly making a big difference generally but there is still a long way to go. Some nights they don't work at all - those are usually the nights that my anxiety is already high - usually as a result of being triggered by something and I am learning that instead of trying to fight the thoughts and feelings I am much safer if I 'go with the flow' and don't get even more anxious about not sleeping. The resultant physical and mental 'pain' is too much and can send me spiralling downwards very quickly. the intensity of the flashbacks and nightmares have increased when I have them - but they are not happening every night now - so that is an enormous positive.

I totally get you not being able to connect with someone that is a bit of an 'airhead'. Being an Aspie (and a super intelligent little turtle also) you would want someone who is straight forward in their approach and shows a high level of knowledge and understanding around what you are seeing her about. I am a bit the same - I like things to be presently to me succinctly but intelligently. I also do not like time being wasted with frivilous things, or engaging with people in a professional manner when they try to tellme 'stuff' I already know - as if it is the first time I have heard it (very frustrating and time wasting )

Now I have had my little 'rant' I better go to my GP appointment lol

I am happy to continue to sit on the rocks (I was really pleased with myself for making the rock stack so I could see better on the shore  ) and leave you the occasional present. Here's some new cushions I bought for your corner when I was decorating corners for Stormgrl and Eden... 

[Owlunar]

I love that pic @Zoe7

I wake up feeling like that most mornings and it's just my cat - aw - that is uncomfortable

I could say something about triggers etc - and being dumped by therapists @Phoenix_Rising - I think it was Phoenix who was dumped this time - other people have had this and guess what - it'snot the fault of the client - it's the therapist who is unable to deal with someone's set of problems

But yes - I know how that feels - last year my therapist moved interstate - not good - I got another one - and she has moved interstate - I don't think they were running away from me - but I understand - I do not feel like starting again - why would anyone?

The therapist I was seeing many years ago - like maybe 20 give or take - died - now I guess he didn't plan that - but it does the same thing and we need not feel guilty - we have taken time to build up trust and that person goes away - for whatever reason

And it's hard - really hard - and Phoenix - I think it was you who has the air-head - that does not thrill me - you need someone more grounded than that

Sorry you girls are having all of this - wow - I get triggers - I get them at this time of year and I have given up avoiding them - or trying to avoid them - but it is always unsettling and I want to encourage you to write about it - you don't know how less alone people feel when you write about something as involved as triggers -

I care

Dec