Am Not Coping

[Owlunar]

Yes @utopia

The system is flawed - and the sun will rise in the morning - we are only 3 weeks or something from the equinox and the mornings are dark now - and another year is passing - my dd will be 45 and is the greatest of my blessings -

That year I was in shallow labour starting on Christmas night - and I was in maternity for a while begging for them to save my baby - which they did - and then - would she be born on at New Year, Australia Day, Dad's birthday, 29th February,(leap year) - she made it all the way to her birthday - and this is the best thing that happened in my life

But my troubled son meant we got involved with the system when he was around 8 I think - and because I had to go onto the DSP that damn system - not good -

But here we are - and from choice I am getting back into the system again - if I can get the job (voluntary) - one day a month and a week to write reports - and I feel better for doing it

But the way it gets to me - could be similar - I hate the way I feel about it and I don't want to hate - but it's an honest emotion anyway - accept it? - Who wants to

I like it that you go after solutions - I feel the hunt for answers leaves too much to other people -

A rhetorical question - why do others judge and blame you? I have been judged and blamed too

Here's a beauty - my marriage was over and there was a woman in my church circle who told me I had done wrong - and I should remarry my ex-husband - who had married someone else. The world is full of wonderful people like that

Yeah - I wonder why we are crucified because the world dealt us a bad hand - we play the cards we have - that's the best we can do

I do not like advice - it has a feeling in it that "you had better do this or you are not helping yourself etc"

I like suggestions - I can suggest something and it doesn't bother me if the person doesn't want to do whatever - we all have free will after all

Sometimes we just need to rant - so rant away - I am having a bit of a rant right now remember bits of the past I had no control over - life can be a beach...............

Dec

[Former-Member]

I soooo understand @,utopia, take all the time you need, self compassion!

[utopia]

@Owlunar. Why do people judge? That's easy.

They judge because they desperately want to believe they are not like me, like you, like any of us.

They don't want to believe that their workplace could intentionaly hurt them and cause permanent Mental damage. They don't want to think that their child could get in trouble with the authorities - so it must be because the kid was bad, or the parent was bad. They don't want to believe that their child could die. That their marriage could crumble. They don't want to believe that their child could be on drugs, or their child could be the bully. Or their partner could be having an affair. That they will suffer and will then be homeless, penniless, friendless. They don't want to believe that what has happened to any of us on the forum, could happen to them.

And for all of their judgement, I truly hope that nothing happens to them, to shatter that illusion.

I just wish they weren't so quick to judge.

[Owlunar]

Thanks @utopia

It says in the Bible "Judge not lest ye be not judged" - even criminals have their say in court - they can have a solititor provided if they don't have any money

But people are indicted behind their backs in so many ways - judge - snap!!! so fast the moment passes so quickly it can contaminate a society in seconds in this day of mass media.

Evaluate - that is different - we all need to do some evaluation - what the hell is the difference? Evaluation takes time and is there to protect us from ourselves I think - helping us to be aware without destruction - judging - wow! Just like you said.

We evaluate behaviour - I think - I can have a dictonary search in my own time

Actually - accordingly to the Bro - David Attenborough - ostriches do not bury their heads in the sand - but people do - anything of the things you wrote can happen to anyone - and we can have no say and no warning - particularly the ones about our children - who have free will after all

Years ago now a woman who thought she was a friend - snapped at me yelling - "To get over it" - regarding my son's death - and I thought - this woman has two sons - she is tempting fate

And to this day that shiny new thought tells me - the people who say things like that and treat us badly because of "judging" - yeah- are tempting fate

Thanks Utopia - that was clever and wise and I like it -

Dec 

[Zoe7]

Hi @utopia Just checking in 

Toby and I have just got back from the beach. My sister actually picked us up and took us today!!! Good thing really because I was too tired to drive but the walk and fresh air was good for us both.

Hope you are doing a little better today - thinking of you my friend

Hugs and love to you

Zoe 

[Zoe7]

Hi @Faith-and-Hope @Owlunar @Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Appleblossom @Former-Member @Former-Member 

Just a quick callout to say hi to you all. Hope you have all had some light in your day!

Zoe

[Former-Member]

A warm hello right back at you @Zoe7 Thank you for thinking of us.💕

Sounds like you had a lovely day out - one of my favourite pastimes is walking along the beach. I always feel better for doing so. Not a chance of doing so here today - it's been raining for most of it. I do love to watch the rain and listen to it falling. So soothing. Hope your evening will be a relaxing one for you. Will be thinking of you 🌹x

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member I am always thinking of you all 

As you know - the last month or so has been really hard. I have tried to stay connected - but only with a few people that have helped me keep my head above water and keep me going. That has not meant that I haven't been thinking of you all but I just needed to concentrate on trying to look after myself and keep myself safe.

I do feel like things are gradually starting to improve and I am seeing more positives in my life. There is still a long road ahead but at least I am on the road and trying to move forward.

I love hearing and watching the rain fall also - it isreally soothing - especially when I am snuggled up with Toby or Cat at the rain drowns out any other noises 

Thinking of you always xxx

Zoe

[Former-Member]

light...where is it?? lots of gloomy clouds here, literally and figuratively sigh!

Glad that you are seeing positives and things are slowly, gently improving.

big hugs @Zoe7

lj

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member Bugger the gloomy clouds 

How are you coping with work? Has there been any more discussions on finding someone so you can go back to part-time? I have finally reached the conclusion that I won't be back for a while - I am even looking at not until at least the middle of term 2 and only a couple of hours for maybe 2 or 3 days - more as an aide in the class than teaching the class. That way I can go in as a volunteer, re-connect with the kids (and the school) - with no pressure - and see how I go. What do you think? I am asking because I know you have had a lot of time off and I valued your advice from the experiences you have had.

Thinking of you (hope those clouds start to lift a bit soon)

Zoe