A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

[outlander]

Good night everyone @Emelia8 @Former-Member @Anastasia and everyone 😴💕

[NatureLover]

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@Emelia8 wrote:

I'm upset, distressed, very teary and in a lot of emotional and physical pain @outlander 😔

Yes please, I really need a hug.

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Sending you a big gentle hug, @Emelia8 

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your father-in-law. Coming at a time when you have so much that's painful on your plate, to deal with. 

I wish so much for some relief for you, emotionally and physically. I hope that today you can feel a bit stronger and have less pain 

[WIP]

Hi @Emelia8 

Just wanted to say thank you again for your support on the weekend - I was really struggling & your words of encouragement did help me settle a bit.

I hope you get some relief today from the physical pain you are in, and also of course the emotional pain that is there at the same time. You are getting hit after hit at the moment unfortunaltey, but you're a warrior and will find your way through. You've got so much support here - it must just warm your heart to be so loved and respected.

💕💕

[Emelia8]

Thanks everyone 

@Bow @Eve7 @Owlunar @Former-Member @Bunniekins @NatureLover @Anastasia @outlander @Former-Member @WIP @BlueBay @Snowie @eth @Peri  @MDT @Meowmy @Clawde @Appleblossom @Sans911 and any others I have missed.

Its a week since my major surgery.  I had thought I should be feeling a lot better by now ... but I dont.  If anything the pain is worse ... wound pain is deep and sharp, nerve pain right down my arm is intense, I am unable to let my left arm hang by my side so I have to hold it up with my other hand all the time.  I'm so tired of feeling crook and being in pain.  I'm tired of not sleeping.  I usually sleep on my left side, and yep ... thats the side which has had surgery.  When I do get to sleep .. I am having nightmares.  Waking up in a panic and fighting to breathe.

I am dreading the pathology results from my surgeon next Wednesday.  I almost dont want to know.  My CT scan report said it looked likely the lymph nodes are involved, and that is consistent with the Grade 3 type of aggressive cancer that I have.  Even though the tumour is still small, it is very aggressive and likely to spread sooner and faster than most other types of cancer.  This is worrying.  I'm not sure I want to know any of this.  I'm afraid of what I will be told.  If cancer is in the nodes, it could very easily already be circulating throughout my body.  I dont want to die like my poor Mum did last year.

My husband is very unwell right now too ... worse than usual in fact.  Possibly the death of his Dad yesterday has caused this drop in his health.  As the eldest son, it is not easy for him to not be able to help out with funeral and other arrangements.  And its not easy for either of us to know that we will not be able to attend the funeral in WA.  It would mean quarantining for 2 weeks upon our arrival .. we would miss the funeral.  Even if the border restrictions were not in place, probably neither of us are physically up to the travel anyway.  Yes @Bunniekins you are right about that. 💜  So we both sit here feeling totally useless and both grieving in our own way.

Meanwhile my Dad has been very unwell too.  Back to the Dr today, and more tests to come.  From my daily discussions with him ... he is tired of living, and is ready to die.  It will not be long I fear before my Dad passes too.

I think a very deep dark depression is settling in on me.  I see no way through any of this.  Perhaps I too would be better off gone?

Emelia 😔💔

[MDT]

I'm sorry you are going through this @Emelia8

You are a great addition to the forum and you've supported me


I'm unsure what to say about this stuff you are going through though. I don't believe we'd be better off with you gone - I think itd be a loss
And that is the case with your family too irl.

I'm thinking of you my friend. And all you are dealing with. I really am.

🙏😔

[Snowie]

@Emelia8 

Sorry to hear you are going through so much at the moment.

It seems like things are piling up on toop of each other and there feels like no way out.

Sitting with you hun and sending a gentle hug and lots and lots of love.

💜💛💙💚

[Former-Member]

Sounds really awful the pain you're going through @Emelia8 😢❤️
Grief as well and your dad being so unwell. I'm so sorry that so many things are going on for you. It sounds super tough. 
Not sleeping either would make you feel like you no fight left. 
I hope you get your fight back and see a light at the end of the tunnel. 
I hope the pain eases and you have some better news re results. 
Is there a sleep med that helps you sleep?  Do you have something to take, or do you think it's a good idea to ask your gp for something to help you? 
It sounds like too much for you to deal with without being able to sleep. 
Sitting with you Emelia. 
💖💞

[outlander]

@Emelia8 💜💜

[Anastasia]

Dear sweet @Emelia8 

My heart is breaking. No words hun are enough just hugs and love and eternal friendship and support is all I have 💞💐❣️

[Anastasia]

Em are you online now?