Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Flightrisk]

I am struggling to cope with a daughter with BPD who also has a child on the spectrum. In reality I am caring for both of them, my daughter with emotional support and mostly practical ways. The BPD hopelessness and depression has sapped all energy out of her and all motivtion. My granddaughter needs support but I think the majority of support I provide is because her mother is unable to. I find it hard to carve out any time for me, apart from work. I feel like I am the only one experiencing this, if anyone else out there has a child with mental health issues that has to provide support to them and their child I would love some ideas on setting any sort of boundry, how to let go, or even just some hope that things will improve.

[Paperdaisy]

Hey @Flightrisk you are certainly not alone. I'm hearing how draining this is and how you don't have any time for yourself outside of your role as a carer. Does your Daughter have any other supports in place? 

Encourage you to have a look here and here. There is hope 💝

https://saneforums.org/t5/Special-Events/Topic-Tuesday-Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Awareness-Wee... 

Wishing you all the best on your journey. 

[MayaBird07]

As a single mother with BPD, I can relate to your daughter but I can also see where you are coming from.

It is difficult to watch someone you love hurting and not be able to help, especially on top of any pressures in your own life. 

I hope your daughter is getting mental health support in some form, it has been extremely helpful to me, but its not an overnight fix unfortunately with lots of ups and downs. 

I wish you and your family all the best at this time and hope things improve soon. 

[Flightrisk]

Content/trigger warning

We were able to get NDIS funding but encouraging and supporting her to use the funding/ access services is really difficult. We worked with an OT for a little while on DBT but it has been some time since that and I know I have regressed in my ability to validate, and challenge/encourage her to reframe. Thank you @MayaBird07 hearing from some one with lived experience encourages me to rethink about the time it takes to see some progress.

[Flightrisk]

Thanks @Paperdaisy, the Topic Tuesday has some encouraging testamonials. There are some minor supports in place, a cleaner so I don't have to clean two houses and a support worker that she agreeed to go out shopping with once a fortnight so I don't have to get shopping for two households. The main issue is the calls for assistance at any and all times of the day and night, not something you can hire a support worker for. Self belief and confidence have been beaten down for her by the negative self talk that comes from the trauma/ abandonment features of BPD.