Lived Experience Forum

[Knj]

I feel like i cant be happy, i feel scared living where im living, i feel like the world is getting scary, my street is full of druggies and criminals.

I cant get a job to move, dont have a car and housing isnt really available any way! 

It makes me worry. I have no motivation to clean my house and when i do, i get short of breath, i feel ashamed of my house and no one comes in my house. 

I want things to change but i dont know where to start! 

[tyme]

Hey @Knj ,

Thanks for sharing. I'm hearing how your supposedly safe place is not safe.

It sounds so difficult. 

Do you think this is why you unhappy?

Please know you are not alone.

[CaptnStarlight]

I hear you. I truly do. You aren’t alone. I’m the same. I often think how much time I waste being miserable and hating my life. Then ‘helpful’ people say ‘little steps. Just do one small thing at a time’ Or really helpful ones say ‘diet & exercise. You know you’ll better!’ I always think ‘why doesn’t it occur to people if you could fix it, you already would have??’ I know what it’s like for you. I’m 60. Surrounded by friends I try desperately to be happy for with their established homes, nice cars, holidays, etc. with Superannuations stuffed like Thanksgiving turkeys. I’m unemployed. I don’t have any Superannuation. My house is uninsured. My car is uninsured. Sometimes I throw myself a pity party & wonder how I got here. It’s not meant to be like this. Other days I just go to bed and stay there. Then I hate myself for wasting more of who knows what time I have left. I so wish I could help you & offer the magic solution. If I find out what it is I’ll share it with you. Just know, as I said before, you aren’t alone. It’s absolute poo! 

[Knj]

Its probably a mixture of things, my health is all out of whack, doctors cant seem to help me. 

I start cleaning and then i feel dizzy or cant breathe then i feel disgusted with myself. 

I feel stuck! 

The news makes me think of the worst and hearing stuff that goes on my street just scares me! 

[Friendlyflutter]

@CaptnStarlight 

Thanks for sharing how you are feeling. 

It sounds like there is a lot going on and it seems stressful.

We are all here for you 

[Knj]

Yeah its hard and it feels like no one understands or wants to understand. Sometimes it just easier to stay quiet. Doctors told me to lose weight ive lost some kilos and its like theyve run out of things to say. In our head small steps dont mean much because things should be different and we should be somewhere else. Im almost 30 and should be living my life but my physical health makes it hard and brings me down. I dont really have friends and familys another story. Yeah thanks. Sorry that you had to go through this. Its okay to feel! 

[Tranquil_Atoms]

Hi @Knj, 

I am all to familiar with this viscous cycle. I still have my days. 

I know what it is like to feel like you're not being heard. Being told there's nothing we can do. Feeling lost and not sure what to do next. It wasn't until I started changing doctors that I began to regain hope. Having the right team around me made all the difference.

Another thing. Take the wins. No matter how small. Your weight lose is a win! 

Keep moving forward you'll find your way. 

[MermaidHair]

Hey @Knj, it's nice to meet you!

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling unsafe in the world and your current living situation, that is not ideal at all.

I really feel you, I know what it's like feel stuck and behind and even a bit hopeless. Housework is my arch nemesis so my house always looks like a bit of a bomb, I struggle too to keep on top of everything.

I was in a situation just a few years ago where I was practically homeless, didn't even have my license (let alone a car) and not a cent to my name, at almost 30. I know that feeling of desperately needing change but not knowing where to start, but things can and do get better 💜

It sounds like your health issues are really bringing things down a lot for you. I had to go through a lot of doctors before I found one who really listened, cared and worked with me towards long term wellness goals. You shouldn't have to accept lack of care or understanding because you are not alone. 

You'll always have a lot of support and understanding here 🙏