Depression Dementia Dad

[Shaz51]

I think you can be a 'carer' and not LIVE with the carer (is that a word?) which is what you do i think Shaz51?-- yes true @Former-Member,, I think full time carers should get lots more

I have not been approved yet as carer  and my mum is back in hospital again for the last week

also my mum and MIL are both deterating , and I am doing more and more with my mum

hugs @Former-Member, @Smc

[Smc]

I well and truly consider myself a carer @Shaz51, but because what I (and Hubby) are doing for my parents and our daughter isn't every day care, but stepping in when needed, we don't meet the official "carer" definition. Oddly, I suspect it would be detrimental for our daughter to have us checking in on and doing things for her every day. She'd lose so much hard-won independence.

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

I am glad you woke today without crying and the Lord is there with  you always and it might take time for us - in our human state - to get it and find the Lord has been leading us the whole time - and today is safe for now - which is a good moment I think

I do understand what you are writing about - my situation was different but yes - I have been through that toxic family stuff and I know how it hurts - it seems obvious to me that you are doing what you are doing for your Dad for the right reasons - you love him and care about him and want the best for him and it's breaking your heart that your brothers are picking on you like that and your sister is hovering about looking for the control she wants but none of them are there because they care about your Dad - only what they can get - and this has to be the pits

They all want it to be about them - but for you - you want it to be about your Dad - that seems really good thinking to me

But yeah - after having a look at the public and legal issues it is a better thing to do it privately - I thought personally - just for a moment - that some kind of intervention to get rid of the siblings and their rivalry would help - and I also think that the public trusties etc see a lot of family destructive behaviour and know and see more than you would think and are most likely aware of the dynamics and put less into what your brothers are saying than you think because this is what they deal with all the time

My Dad was a policeman - he rose high in the ranks and I can tell you this - policemen see people at their worst and at their best and know from experience - they can tell a lot - and people who deal with this sort of thing all the time are aware of those who are doing all this for the right reasons - as you are - 

But it is still horrible - I understand

I am for you all the time - here as often as I can be for you - and yes - I am back in Melbourne with Madam Pu ss and unpacked - though still dealing with the three loads of washing - I don't have a dryer but I should get it done today because it's sunny and mild - I seem to have brought the warm weather home with me

My cat is funny though - and I love her - when she could hear me outside my front door she started crying - she really does miss me - she is worth having that's for sure - and when I got inside she didn't know what to do first - she wanted to go outside and pee I think but then I put a chicken kiev into the oven and turned the TV on and let Madam sit on my lap for as long as she wanted to - and the purr motor was on high and her coat has been groomed and is soft and clean and she wants to sit on my lap more than usual and I have to make an appointment with the vet as soon as I get my life back into order again

I had a great time in Cairns - it was wonderful to get away from the cold in Melbourne and my back felt so much better in the hot air - I walked and walked and I thought about you

I was not on-line as much as normal but I could read what a rough time you are having and I thought a lot about this - not much I could do but use my way with words and pray for you - 

One thing I know for sure is that this too will pass - and what is at the other side I can't tell - but you are doing your best and you can be proud that your Dad is doing better with your care and I really don't think God takes people down a peg or two for doing a good job - Pride in a job well done is natural and a good thing

And as dark as the world is for you at times Lapses - you are doing a good job - I reckon other people here agree with that

Sending hugs - lots of them Lapses

Dec

[Owlunar]

Aw no @Former-Member

This whole thing is reminding you of when the courts let you down regarding your daughter and her father - no wonder it is so traumatic for you right now and I suddenly get a larger picture in my head about it

It can be a crazy, mixed-up world and it seems your Dad would be at risk alone from more than just what he would eat or think of doing when he is so vulnerable - those brothers would be around all the time

Take time out when you need too Lapses but you are not unlovable - not with us - we understand and there are a lot of us sticking here with you

Dec

[Former-Member]

Hi @Owlunar, @Smc, @Shaz51, @Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member,

 nice to see you pop up this morning.

Just feeling guilty readin this, to realise I'm still getting the 'carer's allowence when I'm away, and someone else is doing it (with dad in residential care). Provably should ring C'link and cancel it as I can't see myself being much use to him anymore. He's better off where he is. I only met a need furing the crisis of losing mum.

Andonly applied for it to give me some recognition earlier in the year. Its all just such a mess.

Somehow, the tribunal decision has made ME look bad to outsiders. My friend in Brisbane asked if dad was forced to go into care (implying he wadnt doing wrll at home wih me). Bro3 sent a tx broadcast that I've 'left' because I didn't get 'financial control' 😞  even though he was a 'no show' for the tribunal, he didn't get to hear that it was my req that Public Trustee step in & it was Bro2 & sis who protested. I'm so over the whole crazy show.

[Former-Member]

I believe carers allowance allows for a number of respite days @Former-Member.

[Owlunar]

Hi @Shaz51

I have lost track of some people's stories since I was away for nearly a week - but I read your mother was in hospital with another bowel obstruction - that must be really horrible for both of you - particularly your mother who has to go through with it

I knew so little about my mother's last years - but she had bowel obstructions too and I did hear my sister telling someone else what happens and it sounds tough

So I am thinking of you - from what you say your mother does still have her other faculties intact - my mother was deaf and wouldn't wear her hearing aids so that must have been a case of those who don't want to hear - I hope your mother can communicate with you - that would make things much easier

And I hope my little family in the north improves - I also read that you took stuff to get rid of it somehow but Mr Shaz thought he still needed all or some of it - that must be so hard for both of you - your having stuff you don't need and his fear of letting go - I understand through past convos why Mr Shaz feels this way - I get it

So I am sending my best thoughtsd to my little family - Shaz and Mr Shaz and Shaz's Mum and Poor Little Kidney

And it jumped into my mind - your food diary - how is that going? Or not?

Dec

food diary - you can find nearly anything in clipartAre you allowed to eat this yummy stuff?

I hope you can eat some interesting food Shaz - but the diary - the diary - not fun

[Former-Member]

I know thanks @Former-Member, how are you.
@Shaz51, you're a classic 'angel of mercy' for your mum & hubby, even with your own health battles. As you said months ago, we would do it without the money.

I have to get something done so bye for now. It is good to connect this morning xox

[Owlunar]

Hi again @Former-Member

I am not surprised that you are so over it all right now - 

But I agree with @Smc that you would be allowed respite leave

If you are concerned you can ring Centrelink and tell them you are away from home right now but will be returning asap - it's not like you ran off as your brother implied - you have to attend to your own affairs and legal issues - you are getting your own affairs in order to be in a better position to care for your Dad when you get back

Sending more hugs

Dec

[Former-Member]

Sounds good Dec, I don't like Sydney