Depression Dementia Dad

[Former-Member]

Appreciate all your responses.

I think maybe Bro2 is having a breakdown / midlife crisis of his own or something,  to lash out like this.  He's been the worst brother to me all along (well,  if you exclude the big brother early insest crap grr).  

Oh what a trainwreck of a family.  I wouldnt be so open here if it wasn't anonymous.  But thanks,

Need moral support / help sometimes,  thats all.  

Its 3am and I can't go back to sleep.  No surprises there. But the headache has gone & muscle tension.  

Dad sounds awake too.  He keeps the tv on all night in his room most nights. 

I'm glad i'm here for him,  its just wrong how my siblings are behaving.

Not "buying into their drama" is hard for me because i so desire to get along / have proper family support, as God intended. 

Mum (her MI & brain trauma re eye cancer radiation cobolt), mums problems caused a lot of harm in life, so much division. Think all this is the residue of that. And God knows how hell feeds off conflict.

[Former-Member]

@Bella1978,  youre right,  bro2 has no grounds to complain about Dr (that I've sern). Dad's dr is, he's switched on,  one of the best drs I've known, and more important - dad likes him.  Thanks for making me see it.  Dr said he's "just gonna say he [bro2] was abusive" 

Frankly,  i see it all as harrassment on me,  nobody,  even the police can help me with that.  

Maybe this is God's will,  that i break under the strain & die right here, on the battlefield frontline.  Wonder if they know going back to my empty house is so painful for me... 

Ha! reliving my childhood loop here 😨 trapped 😒

[Bella1978]

@Former-Member

hey luv, how are you today? and how is your dad?

as for your brother, once he files his complaint, medical board will have to look into whether he actually has grounds to make a complaint. a couple of years ago i filed a complaint against mum's previous gp - she never diagnosed mums chronic kidney disease or refer her to a renal physican, plus mum had a lesion on her kidney (that turned out to be malignant) and her gp never notifed us of it. once they decided there was a case, they proceeded from there. it took a year for them to finalise it and action was taken against her (i wish harsher penalties were imposed but at least i feel satisfied that something was done, and that i spoke up about it).

personally, i wouldnt be too concerned about your brother though. it sounds like you are the one dealing with all of your dad's affairs, including his medical issues so not sure what your brother could say against the doctor.

i can appreciate all of this takes a toll on you. it is stressful being in a caring role, the last thing you need is family doing your head in too!

you are a strong person, you have taken on such a selfless thing looking after your dad. have faith in yourself, i dont think you will break under the strain. something i have learnt is that we dont realise how strong we are until we have to be.

xx

[Shaz51]

@Former-Member, I think you are the strongest, awesome., wonderful friend to look after your dad

I agree with @Bella1978  as we dont realise how strong we are until we have to be. like with my dad

so we are with you my friend

[Former-Member]

Thanks Bella1978, @Shaz51

"theres wisdom on a multitude of counselors"

Comes to mind as several of you have said much the same. Evrny psychologist. Its the anxiety i think.

Today i took it easy, caught up on bookwork & got my head around all dads new medications & procedures from yedtetday etceand doing extra home blood sugar tests... Npw he tells me he has a cold 😞 I asked as his eyes look heavy & red. Stupid respite nurse had a cold here Wednesday grr!

I feel under the miccroscope & hate it.

Feel pressured to get records together, for the critics, especially with going for guardianship. Yikes (but yes, doing it anyway)

❤

[Owlunar]

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@Former-Member wrote:

@Bella1978,  youre right,  bro2 has no grounds to complain about Dr (that I've sern). Dad's dr is, he's switched on,  one of the best drs I've known, and more important - dad likes him.  Thanks for making me see it.  Dr said he's "just gonna say he [bro2] was abusive" 

Frankly,  i see it all as harrassment on me,  nobody,  even the police can help me with that.  

Maybe this is God's will,  that i break under the strain & die right here, on the battlefield frontline.  Wonder if they know going back to my empty house is so painful for me... 

Ha! reliving my childhood loop here 😨 trapped 😒

---

Aw @Former-Member

How rotten to feel like that - one thing I can assure you is that it is not God's will that your break and die right there on the battlefield frontline - I get it but many people have died on the front-line - and mostly soldiers and this is never God's will for anyone

Remember - I have said this before many times in many places - God does not give us more to deal with than we can handle - been right there myself to that point when God took it all away from me and my son - this is his will - he will be there for you and at this stage your life has become a prayer - remember that

Your sibs though - they have their issues - and you seem to feel as if you are in your loop and trapped as you were when you were younger - your feelings are valid but they are not the truth - you have another home to return to and yes - I get it - going back to your empty lonely house will be painful for you

But the difference now is that you have a choice. - wonderful as it is not - staying with your Dad and his bad cold right now - aw - fun that - or going home to the silence of your house - and the decision of whether to sell it or not

I'm so sorry your choices are so bleak and that you feel as if you are under the microscope - again - just a feeling - but as I think on - what horrible feelings - oh sheesh - 

Do you take Vit D in winter? I do. Does it help? I dunno

Thinking of you heaps Lapses

Dec

I started looking at things under the microscope - I remember when I had one myself - there are wonderful things to see under the microscope and then - some things are really gross

I don't feel a great need to share them with you but I do share being alone and I really understand that

[Bella1978]

@Former-Member

hey luv, wanted to check in and see how you are doing. i can imagine you would be trying to play catch up with all of your dad's stuff.

and pretty poor on the part of the respite nurse coming out when she had a cold - i'd even be inclined to contact the respite agency - they shouldnt allow that as it is so much easier for the elderly to get sick, and so much harder for them to get better.

well done on making a decision re: guardianship. i hope the process doesnt cause you too much grief and that your family dont give you a hard time about it.

how is your dad today?

[Sophia1]

@Former-Member

So sorry to hear that you are still enduring further heartache around your family confrontations..

all that you are trying to do is be there for your dad....

you are up against so much and struggling with your own health at the same time...

I do hope that you are keeping up your own appointments with your doctor or a new doctor where you are living now....if not...please have a check up...

I know that your brothers have schizophrenia ....I am not sure which ones....aggression directed at people is not acceptable under any circumstances...

the doctors who are pressuring you to take out guardianship...I hope are also offering names of advocates to help you if you choose to take this path....

for now settle yourself and your dad...

you are being the best daughter you can be....believe that regardless of anyone else and their actions...

you are strongly supported here...use this support from your friends...you have given so much to others on here...now is your turn...

If I do not respond often it is because I am having to cull my time on here and stick to familiar territory also...mind doing it's own thing...so please do not think that I think any less of you...You were a great support to me in my early days...I shall always remember and be thankful...

take care of lapses xxx

[Former-Member]

Thank you @Bella1978, @Shaz51, @Owlunar, @Sophia1 & everyone here, for your support, means a lot. But wish you could SEE me, what I'm doing, how... maybe then i'll feel more deserving of your praise, i donno.
Took dad back to dr today, for results of tests, his blood pressure & cholesterol is better than mine. I made a double apt to talk about my stuff but i got 'dithery' and drferred to dads problems. Have felt like an idiot since. I'm not satisfied my medical management is going well. I need to go back without dad. Dad's dr is really switched on. I wasnt prepared for my stuff 😞 Dads lucky, i'd done the x3 day blood sugar tests and dad's diabetic meds have been increased. Also his sodium was low, probably because cardiologist said to take away his salt, now GP says let him have his salt...

Dad had another scary choking episode tonight (flashbacks of my girls last breath 😨😲:bomb:❤😒😞😩😢💔😞), but his barium swallow was negative this month so...

Just settled dad into bed & locked up.

So tired i need to cry 😭

Sorry not thinking properly
Fuzzy floating brain...

[Sophia1]

@Former-Member

We don't need to see how much you do and care for your dad if that is what you meant..

of course all of us would love to see you in the real world and catch up with you..

what a difference that would make to so many..just the company..running errands etc..

Cry away..I will cry with you....

my feelings are all over the place..

are you able to get to the dr without your dad?  Write it all down on a piece of paper and just hand it over to read..