Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Doldip15]

I keep getting told to let go of my youngest daughter who is in so much trouble and seemingly useless at managing life at present but i cannot watch her be constantly broken by people she trusted and cared for, destroying every dream and purpose she had, leaving her with nothing to hope for! I can’t see a way out or a person I can trust either! She’s my child who almost sacrificed her life and freedom for me years ago! How can I turn my back and say no more! How can I make her safe?

[PizzaMondo]

Hi @Doldip15

It sounds like you have been faced with some difficult decisions while at the same time empathising and feeling for your youngest daughter and where they're at presently.

While I am unsure if this is relevant or not, my mind goes to wondering, who is telling you to let go of your youngest daughter, and if this 'advice' is being shared with you in order to keep yourself safe.

However, it sounds like you want to also remain in her life in some capacity, but are wondering how this can be possible?

Have you been able to have a conversation around boundaries with her? - To set them and maintain them? And, I wonder if this is something she too has learned or has tried to do for herself in order to stay safe?

Warmest,
PizzaMondo 🙂

[Doldip15]

Thank you PizzaMondo, that helps clarify the issue for me! It is other support services who tell me I should leave her behind and look after myself plus my older children who think I stress too much over this one child who they don’t want in their space! They don’t know or want to know the back story, all having left home before the youngest even moved out of Primary school! It’s amazing how much you share with one child at home and not with those not there! For example, i fell pregnant to the man who became my second husband and lost this small baby at 16/40. Who shared her end of life, our own miniature funeral and goodbye with me? The only other person in the house household! And it was beautiful! You don’t realise the emotional ties forged! Happy to let go in happiness but not when struggling to hold head above water so to speak! That’s not love in my opinion! Love is kind! And will reach out for you! How else would we survive? 

[Tilz]

@Doldip15  Hi Doldip. I think you should explain to your daughter that trusting is something that we cant judge by outer cover. No matter who they are but not to trust  them and brake her own dreams. Make her understand that her dreams are main and let no one to destroy that. 

[Doldip15]

Thank you for your replies. I really appreciate your support for me! For my daughter, her dreams are gone! Her horses sold! Her house contents stolen. Her vision of a future destroyed by the people she trusted. I have nothing to say that offers a safe haven! I can’t even be a safe place to be, having been threatened by the same people! I have to learn how to not share my feelings and fears my other family members somehow because it only brings a shower of criticism and condemnation that clearly indicates they have no support for her or her children which is harsh! We live in a judgmental world and values like kindness and respect are lacking in many circumstances! Criteria of my working life that never failed me but I’m missing them now! Thanks for listening!