Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[CherryBomb]

Time check everyone - there's only another 30 minutes left. So now is the time to put forward any topics for discussion. @CARING4CARERS put forward an excellent question: 

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@CARING4CARERS wrote:

CAn we go through an example of a boundaries plan and how to tackle the initial conversation with loved ones about attempting this? 

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[Shaz51]

thank you @MIFSAsupport, for your example

I didn`t relized until now what i did , but when we were first married , my husband has had Mi all his life and he would spend so much money on things which shows we were not getting ahead , so we had a talk about it , and we had open an account in which we put our spare coins in so he can buy things over the internet only using that acount ,

oh i see @MIFSAsupport, @CherryBomb, thank you '

yes, I need to look after myself more xx

[MIFSAsupport]

I believe the key things to remember  before you even have a conversation with your loved about changing things are:

We dont have control over the person we care for, change something about yourself

We are not responsible for everthing

Are we doing things for our loved one that they could possibly  be doing for themself

If we continue to do this our loved will get the message that they are not capable of doing things.  This can make them defensive or angry.

[MIFSAsupport]

also remember your effective communication skills. Good communication skills:

Enhance the relationship with the person you care for

Enhance the relationship with other family members and friends

Assist in setting and maintaining boundaries

Ensure that both party's needs are heard, accurate information is received and appropriate support is accessed

Promote empowerment in both carer and the person they care for.

[Suzi]

It can be hard to give back the respsponsibility though when you realise that you ave been care taking for a long time

[Shaz51]

Hello @MIFSAsupport

If we continue to do this our loved will get the message that they are not capable of doing things.  This can also make them feel slack and don`t care  which is what my hubby is doing now

[MIFSAsupport]

@Suzi I agree.Seeing total surrender of the carer to the caring role is not helpful for the one being cared for, and doing so can underline the perceived hopelessness of their situation. As a carer it is important to maintain other interests and relationships outside their caring role. This will inevitably enable carers to maintain a refreshed outlook in the caring role, which will benefit everyone involved.

[Shaz51]

very good point @Suzi

[MIFSAsupport]

Remember to give your loved one the dignity of risk.

[Shaz51]

so @MIFSAsupport,

what can a carer do so you don`t slip back to to what you did before ?