@Former-Member@Pepsimax@Former-Member@Owlunar@Anony18@CheerBear@Sahara@NikNik@mudsum @Phoenix_Rising
Todays psychiatrist and today in general
I went to my psychiatrsit appointment this morning
im not going back and im also not on any medications either now- not that I have much choice at all.
I thoughtd I would be honest and say how I felt and she said shes writing me a refferral up to go to hospital until I can get my medications sorted and that way I can increase them faster and be monitored as well.
Then she insisted on calling my mother, I knew it wasnt going to go well and boy was I RIGHT!
the phone call turned into an argument- my mothr kept msging me through the session telling me to get home
they were so angry at me for not opening up to them
it turned into an argument while I was there at the appointment.
It really set my anxiety off and I was dripping with sweat because of it
when I got hope I got yelled at and bossed around, got told that all this was in my head and that its a load of bull sh**t . im not going onto my medications anymore and all of them are now in the bin including the sleeping tablets. So I have nothing now at all.
Im not going to hospital accodording to them. My stupid psychitrsit told them about my sh thoughts even though I said not to.
They dont know that ive had suicide thoughts or that I actaully have had self harm
they had ago at me telling me that im not going to hospital because I dont belong there and its only for peopl who you see in emergency who are yelling and screaming and are out of control running around in nihgt gowns.
My mother had a go at me and said I never told her anything and I gave her numerous examples including what shes thoguth about my psych, her reaction to when I first asked for help, plus whe I offered many times o talk to my gp and my psychitrist and they said no, tried to inform her of medications and they wanted nothing to do with it.
They dont know about the sexual abuse or the hpv and I wont be telling them that either.
Mums boyfriend has made it clear that he will be coming to one of my gp appointments and I have 2 a week and that wont be happening not a chance ill keep cancelling and only go when he is at work and I wont be saying when they are
my mother made me feel even worse because apparently my sister and pop over heard the conversation about hospital and almost gave my pop a heart attack and my sister burst out crying
ive been demanded that I go tomy mums boysfriends mums house for a night or to to sort out my thoughts- yep thats going to be so awseome NOT!
Then we started with the jobs- I need a real job because I can have another job and still look after my pop.
Then we got into it that ill propbably loose my job because shes told centrelink and if I get any worse they will take me off it and I wont be able to go back onto it
they think ive wasted all my money seeing psycholoigists and psychiatrists as well and that seeing a psychologist is a load of s**t
I told them I have been diagnoses with all these things and they said thats because its been drilled into my head that I have them
so tonight im going to some strangers house and ive been demanded to make a lsit of eveythign thts bothering me and they are going to try to work it out. Htye still didnt listen to me properly though. They never will when they thing my diagnoses re a load of crap.
I was suppose to go to the drs today to get an antihistamine because im scrtaching like crazy like bugs crawing under my skin for the past few days and the psychitrist thinks that it is from the new abelts but I ahvent gone. So at the moment im on no tablets and im surprised im allowed to stay on the antibitics the way they are caring on, but I need to stay on them before this cyst gets worse. Then the gp was suppose to call the psychiatrist but I havent gone.
The mental health assessment team has been trying to get in contact with me now and wants me to ring them back. I ahvent answered any phone calls since this morning. I know they are ringing from my psychiatrist appointment this morning and im surprised they havent sent someone around. Im waiting for it but I cant do much about it if they do come I suppose. There was a knock at the door not that long ago and it scared the crap out of me because I thought it was them
ive been a total zombie all day and even when I was getting talked at I pretty much just stared at the floor and let them ramble on because I had nothing to say and when I said I dont now then it was the whole you do no I dont do self pity blah blah blah
the issues im dealing with- money bullies, no friends and all the rest im over reacting and over exagerating it
they also said I need to get my own life
so im trying to do that and ive actually talked to my old horse paddock owners and ive been offered a free horse to train and ride and do what ever I want with it for 6 months on the property and then if I still want her and the owners agree I sign an agreement and shes legally mine and im allowed to do whatever I want with her.
Im going to meet this horse tomorrow and see how she is- so I mihgt have my own horse and she already has a spot at the old property. This will give me something to do during the day as well and a new project to do where its safe with no bullies and ve taken up the online course plus ive added another one as well
I know it adds to my expenses but its better than getting yelled at all the time for 'doing nothing' through the day.
Uh I think thats it- thats all I can think of at the moment- I cant even look at myself or anyone around me. I dont have the strength to look at them and face what ive done.
