when is it time for hospital

[outlander]

rhe ine time i think i xan be alone and i cant @Owlunar
When will this end probably never
I hate this
I hate feeling like this
I want it to be over

[Owlunar]

I can understand how you are feeling @outlander

Have you had your medication stolen AGAIN

It's a really bad situation - how can I help? What can I say? It's a really bad and an illegal situation - I could say more

Dec

[Former-Member]

Hello @outlander 🙂

I'm glad your Sister got over not being able to ride today.

You may not see it, but there's so much love in the fact that you already want the best for her (your horse). She's been forgotten, America was more exciting to her original owners, the paddock owners are obviously looking for someone else to care for her, she needs you.

Oh yes please! I want to hear everything about the adventures you have together. Isn't that a wonderful word 'together' . . . . and think about all the things you've already worked out to-get-her, so that you can be together 🙂

[outlander]

@Owlunar
yes tough love does often work with horses only when they need it. Im nice all the time and when they needing tough love they most certainly get it. The only horse ive given up on was the one who almost broke my neck and at that point it was either sell him to someone more experienced than I am or keep tempting fate. I chose to sell.

I dont know how to get my life back- casue I havent got a clue

my plans? Hmm well they are constantly changing. Im still waiting on them to get out of the house but until then I guess you could call it an unstable living arrangement where im here then im somewhere else for a few days when I can. Another is to stay right away from those suicide plans because I know at this point if I was to revisit them then I would probably make an attempt this time. Even though they are hiding in the background and they lurk around every corner im trying to keep the lid on that box right at the back of my mind behind a closed door

I havent checked my medications as yet. They have a tendency to throw out the contents but leave the box and I ahvent had a chance to go look- and if they are still there I dont want to show them so I wont know until I get abit of time to myself after 10pm

I literally dont know what to do anymore. I cant even manage my moods at the moment and then I get it shit for it. Hmm I wonder whos fault that is I wonder
maybe its the people who threw out my meds and wont let me get back to my psychiatrist

I seriously just want to come through the screen and be somewehre else- someone on here who know me better and am closer to than in life form.

[outlander]

@Former-Member 

ok ill keep you updated but i wont use this thread i might use the im back thread so i can keep this one open to this more specific thing

oh gosh Niqua you are excited arent you

[Owlunar]

HI @outlander

I am concerned for you - you are being very honest with your suicidal thoughts - and I have been to the wall and never felt like that - so yes - I am concerned

I will wait until you post on another thread - please tag me

Dec

[outlander]

@Owlunar it is very hard to lvie with and really i hate that its even gotten this far.

its my fault that im like this anyway- ive stirred up memories writing out my SA recount but thats on another thread- which if you want i can tag you if not thats fine too

i know you have been not only to the wall but in the wall Dec and your still here. i dont understand half of this really. i jsut wish i could manage it as well as my physical aliments

[eth]

I hope you're feeling a little better by now @outlander.  Sending you strength and peace.

[outlander]

@eth i hope your feeling better too

its jsut a whole range of things at the moment- the sa memeories arent affecting me as much at the moment. i jsut ahhve so many things going on all the time that i hardley ahve time to even breathe

[eth]

@outlander try to take a deep slow breath now and then - it's very calming.