Winter solstice

[NatureLover]

Sorry to hear, @Dimity . Interesting that it's at a similar time - nearly the winter solstice again 😥

Sending care and hugs 🫂 

[Dimity]

Thanks @NatureLover .

Yes the winter solstice is approaching. 

I really miss the support worker I had a couple of years ago. I can't afford another now I'm needing more allied health. It would make a big difference financially if my family situation could be resolved as it's a constant drain.

I was referred for social support 6 months ago but nothing came of it.

[NatureLover]

I'm sad to hear your family situation is costing you money, @Dimity  😥 I hadn't realised. 

Regarding the social support, could you try again? 

I'm sorry you lost that good support worker 😥

[Dimity]

Yes @NatureLover the complicated family situation impacts most areas of my life including finances.  I feel trapped. But I don't know how much results from years of trauma and family dysfunction for everyone concerned. I can't cope with it. I can feel myself shutting down.

It looks as though it will rain all day tomorrow. I might be able to pot some bulbs under cover. The house feels a bit beyond me.

[NatureLover]

Maybe shutting down is the safest thing at the moment, when you can't cope. @Dimity 

The trapped feeling is not good 😥

I also go out into the garden when the house is too much. 

Seding care...

[Dimity]

"Maybe shutting down is the safest thing at the moment, when you can't cope."

It's not really something I choose @NatureLover . 

The family situation keeps changing and is becoming more stressful. It looks like it's also going to become very much  more expensive.  It already takes nearly half my small income but could now take a lot of my savings as well. 

[NatureLover]

I see (re shutting down). 

I'm so sad to hear this, about your family taking nearly half your income 😥 plus possibly your savings 😥

Also that it's becoming even more stressful! Hard to imagine 😥

@Dimity 

[Dimity]

Winter solstice again. Returning to the same low point. The cat picks up on my stress and was quite distressed when I was triggered overnight. 

I've been stuck in freeze response instead of accepting the trigger, processing it and moving on. 

[NatureLover]

Sorry to hear, @Dimity 😥

Also that you were triggered last night 😥

Sending hugs and care 🫂❤

[Dimity]

Thanks @NatureLover . I went out for groceries, otherwise the day was a write off.  The cat has finally settled.

Hope your day was OK and you're not apprehensive. 

My back pain has returned and I'm very upset by family matters. Too many reminders of past hurts. I've tried to do my best by people and I'm tired of angry responses alternating with pathos I'm trying to  remind myself to be open and tolerant while half expecting to be cut off. But I know their health and wellbeing is at stake.

I can't face this indefinitely. I wish the social worker could help.