Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Bcuzicair]

Thank you for this forum. I am reaching out into this space in the hope to find a direction to go in to help my daughter seek help for mental illness and protect my grandchild.

For 25 years she has cut me off for months and sometimes years over the slightest of things.

After 5 years of walking on eggshells, I have been allowed “ in” again.

To keep the relationship open, I must listen, amazed and full of praise, for hours and hours of unrealistic, impossible ideas and plans. Advice or feedback is not allowed. She is 40.

I am shocked at how grandiose her plans are.

She will spend $10k on a new device yet not feed the dog or take her child to the dentist or a doctor. When she is angry she is quite scary.

She doesn't trust Health professionals. My grand daughter is failing school. She can't get a minutes peace to do her homework. I can see her withdrawing into herself.

On the surface and social media my daughter portrays the perfect life of a single mum. It "we" not "I" as all her plans include her child.

 How can I help her  see she needs help urgently  without her isolating again and poisoning my grand daughter against me?

I should have done something years ago, I know. ☹

[Jynx]

Hey @Bcuzicair, wow that sounds like such a tough situation, and it is very worrying that your grandchild is failing school. I can hear how much it is also weighing on you to have to listen to it all and feel like any interjection or push towards her getting support is met with resistance. 

I am wondering, if things are so dire and she is refusing to acknowledge that she is unwell, let alone get some professional support, would it be worth contacting child protection services for your grand daughter, so that at the very least they're aware and can potentially intervene if needed? 

It can be so hard to see our loved ones so unwell, and we can certainly feel powerless to help if the person is refusing to see how they're impacting the people around them. I hope that you are able to make time for your own self-care. Do you have professional support of your own? 

[Bcuzicair]

thankyou so much! I havent ever suggested to my daughter that she get help as don't know how to raise it. I would definately try if I knew how to. I hope to get some tips here.
I am in another state otherwise I would be able to support my granddaughter more.  I am so afraid of traumatising her more by bringing in authorities but I would in a heartbeat if Iknew it would help. I don't have professional support.

[Jasper_123]

Hi @Bcuzicair , 

I agree with the below commenter about involving child services - while this can be traumatising it may be worse at home. You said your daughter is quite scary when she is angry - have you thought about if that anger is directed towards your grandchild? Do you have the capacity to take on the care of her? 

[Tilz]

@Bcuzicair  Thank you for sharing .  What if you make her to trust health professionals. But try to make it without, you telling her. Like through media . Sharing some stories that have overcome such situations. Its just a idea. You can try on that. Or making someone close to her to tell her.