Self Harm

[Jhaneylena]

Evening angels333,

today was hard. I’ve spent the most time in bed then I ever have in my lifetime. I was actually looking up some psychiatrists when I received your post. I have 4 daughters. 34. 27.26 and the fourth is13 and has only been back home a week. My oldest have seen the good bad and ugly of all my M.I’s. And my youngest hates me for having it. I am worried about having my youngest home cause I’m flat out looking after myself and rather stay in bed. She wants to go to the ekka tomorrow. So I am having a big argument with myself.

i don’t see myself going and my mum wants to go to. So I have 2 at me so to speak.here comes the anxiety of it all. I ve told them that I will deal with it tomorrow. It’s just unfair that if I don’t go I’ll be disappointing them and unfair that I have to go. I’ve gone on bit of a ramble there. It was meant to be short. At the moment that’s me in a nutshell. I wish I could talk to you tomorrow so you weren’t alone but I’m not far away just a text. Remember we are thinking of you. You are stronger than you think. I know that sounds clique. We don’t like hearing it over and over. Peace love and mungbeans to you and yours.

[Angels333]

@Jhaneylena   I  hear you re staying in bed  all day.   I did that everyday for 18 months and still do it sometimes.     It's a really tough place your at.   Ekka sounds like fun but I totally get it that you don't want to go.   See how you feel in the morning but your MI is a real illness just like cancer.   You wouldn't feel guilty if it was a physical illness.    Keep going on the psychiatrist search, I hope you find someone.    Do you have any other supports?  Like a counselor, group therapy?          

Hoping tomorrow turns out okay for you @Jhaneylena , you're such an encouragement for me I hope you know I'm here for you too xxx

Blessings Angels333 

[Zoe7]

@Angels333 You said some really kind things to me yesterday Hon and I am glad that I have helped you in any way. Sometimes the smallest things matter most and your kind words certainly matter to me 

I saw it was an easier day for you today - it does make a difference when you are not alone and keeping occupied. Can you plan some things for tomorrow so you are not alone with your thoughts all day? I won't be around much tomorrow as I have to go into work but I will definitely be thinking of you.

The kids were pretty good today - so much still to get finished but they are being really patient and enthusistic about their work and their pompom animals at the same time. It is so lovely to see them so engaged and loving their work. They are also helping each other out too so that takes a little pressure off me. I also had 2 parent helpers in this afternoon and that made a world of difference - they could help those kids that need constant help and that left me to work with some other kids and get more pompoms done.

Needing to go in tomorrow to finish things off before the assembly on Friday. About half the class are presenting their animal facts and their pompom animals. They have each researched an animal and made it out of pompoms so it is all connected. So tomorrow is finishing off pompoms so I can make a powerpoint presentation to go along with them presenting their facts. I have certainly overdone the preparation but it eill be worth it in the end. The kids are enjoying it so that is the main thing.

[Jhaneylena]

@Angels333  back again after my last stint with the mental system I kinda gave up. Never seeing the same doctors twice. This has been happening most my life. I even come to the

point of going off my meds. I don’t know anymore but I’m done with it. Even though I’ve been trying to reach out and start again cause I know I need help.ive lost count of how long I’ve been in bed maybe four or five months. People don’t get it. I also appreciate you reaching out when your plate is full also.  Who knows maybe we may get that happy ending. Thanking you.

[Angels333]

@Zoe7  your pompom animal project sounds soooo cute!!!!

Teaching is such a special vocation and I know you have that special touch.  I will try and keep distracted tomorrow, I'm feeling pretty good at the moment so hoping I can get through this. 

Love Angels333 

[Zoe7]

I am so glad you are having a good night Hon  I know tomorrow will be another matter but getting through bit by bit, day by day and valuing the better times is important @Angels333 I have my little shadow snuggled in beside me tonight as usual and he gives me reason to smile everyday. Cat is off exploring outside still - it is not as cold tonight - but she will be in soon. Will be a little while before I head to bed as I took my meds late - needed to stay awake to do some more pompoms tonight. Have them done now though so hope the meds lick in quickly. I am super tired but a bit restless and that is not a good combination for sleep.

Any thoughts on what you can do tomorrow to help distract you?

[Zoe7]

Going to head off for the evening @Angels333 Will check in with you tomorrow Hon. Hope you get some sleep tonight 

[Angels333]

@Zoe7 tomorrow I might do some painting to distract.    I fell asleep earlier and missed your posts.   Now I have to fall asleep all over again.  After a nightmare....

I love reading about your pompoms it really is too cute.

G Night Angels333 

[Jhaneylena]

Goodmorning angels333  how are you this morning

[Angels333]

@Jhaneylena  not really doing that great , was supposed to go to the gym but still in bed,  it was zero degrees C this morning and I am in bed keeping warm.    I know I'll get moving later.  SH urges are prevalent!

How has your morning gone so far?

Did you sleep well?   I had nightmares and generally a restless sleep.

Angels333