I dont know how much longer i can go on like this

[outlander]

https://youtu.be/F77v41jbOYs

There this is it


Also 'dusk till dawn' by sia only in a friendship version of it

[Former-Member]

That is a lovely song @outlander, thanks for sharing it with us. Might have to add it to my music playlist

[outlander]

sorry to make it impersonal but its all related to the same thing and its better to address as one so its repeated..

My day doesnt really stop because im a 24/7 carer so I could be woken up through the night on called at any point in time for my pop. So really im never 'off duty'. i always thought i always think that caring is a job, theres no way i would tell other carers here that its not a job because it is. sometimes i really just think that maybe im jsut not doing a good enough job that people dont take any notice of it. its not that i want or need recognition for what i do but rather stop being told i dont work.

and my farmhand job is alot of behind the scenes work as i organise the clients and they contact m-e when they want paddock cleaning, and rugs changed and feed orders and things like that. alot of people dont even know i do that job, i met a new client today and they said oh really we didnt know there was that sort of work going on here.  no of course they wouldnt, i didnt either till i was offerred the job.

the real only communication i have with my boss is in regards to broken fencing, a new horse coming into my care, or an escaped, injured horse but i am also trained in that aspect that i can help most cases i find but i still have to let the owners of the property and horse know.

I dont know who to trust anymore 😞 tbh I dont really know if I trust my psych or my gp either as they have abused their powers so it makes it hard to trust anyone. today She (that person) was happy and everything until I tunred up, it was like I turned up and that group turned looked at me and then went quiet and kinda went off doing their own thing. That shouldve been the first indication. I am shatterred, today at work id been there since 9am but when they turned up I left . I done my usual routine there and also an extra cleaning paddock and then come home because I couldnt face them.

I tried not to let their words hurt but they have, ive tried not to pay attention to them but as you can see I havent done a very good of it.
I went back about 1 and done another paddock and fed the rest of the horses for what their afternoon feeding and ive only just got back home. Ive had to take a few breaks though because its 33 here and hardly any breeze and almost passed out so I had to take extra breaks today.
But ive got it covered. Ive cleaned all 8 bathtubs and sone all 8 hrs paddock cleaning in this week- so tomorrow will just be about catching and holding horses for the farrier tomorrow. Its suppose to be raining and a lot cooler though. Id rather be wet than hot thats for sure!

I went to my psychiatrist (medications) today and I told her about my weight gain but im doing the right thing shes abit weary about that too. She doesnt want to stop my medications either because im still at the bottom of the barrol so to speak. Shes actually put me on a weight loss tablet that we are going to trial for a month or two. She keeps saying and its getting into my head that if dont eat I dont get fat, and also that maybe these tablets will make me sick and deter me from eating. (her words, not making it up!). i actually said that. and when i said i dont eat much anyway she said oh thats good. hmmmmm

I thought this psych would be able to help me, it took so long to find her and trust her, ive had umm 10 sessions with some of them being 2 hours long and one was a 3 hr session so all up over 15hrs of getting trust up in this psych. I still dont fully trust her tbh but I try to be open in what we are talking about. This psych has numerous qualifications and contintinously upgrades by going to learning conferences and upgrades etc. this psych actually does assessments and gets people who are going through court, traumas (DV CSA amongst other things) and is actually reccommended by the government so shes pretty high up there. Im trying to see a method to what shes saying but I just cant find it. She keeps deferring my questions. I pay $70 out of pocket and she claims the rest through medicare herself. So its not cheap and I go weekly as well.

Thank you everyone for your msgs, im hoping ive covered everything..... please pull me up if I havent!

@Sans911@Former-Member@Owlunar@Former-Member@Phoenix_Rising@utopia@Former-Member@Queenie@Shaz51@Appleblossom 

[outlander]

@Former-Member I knew you werent ok, but with time im sure you will be. I know your going through some dramas with the bank and in your centre of the universe but I can only hope that things will get better for you too

@Sans911 youve made abig dffference to me too. Im really glad im making a difference to you too

@Former-Member i do remember having that conversation, i never seem to learn!  i guess when i finally feel a connection with someone i try to keep it and atm its also mixed in with the abandonment fears that i get. i dont like being like this. i dont think ill trust many if any off here now. everytime i do i either hurt them or i get hurt and ive had enough. i cant handle the constant of that anymore.

[Phoenix_Rising]

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I thought this psych would be able to help me, it took so long to find her and trust her, ive had umm 10 sessions with some of them being 2 hours long and one was a 3 hr session so all up over 15hrs of getting trust up in this psych. I still dont fully trust her tbh but I try to be open in what we are talking about. This psych has numerous qualifications and contintinously upgrades by going to learning conferences and upgrades etc. this psych actually does assessments and gets people who are going through court, traumas (DV CSA amongst other things) and is actually reccommended by the government so shes pretty high up there. Im trying to see a method to what shes saying but I just cant find it. She keeps deferring my questions. I pay $70 out of pocket and she claims the rest through medicare herself. So its not cheap and I go weekly as well.

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Hi @outlander I am a little confused about some of the things you are saying here about your psychologist. I had it in my head that you were seeing someone through victims services, in which case you shouldn't be paying anything out-of-pocket (they are not allowed to charge a gap payment). If you aren't seeing her through victims services and are instead seeing her through medicare, will you be able to afford to continue with her once your 10 medicare-funded sessions are used up for the year (which it sounds like is about to happen)?

I'm curious to know what you mean about her being recommended by the government. I'm really not sure what you mean by that at all.

[outlander]

No i stopped going to the one with victims services becasue she was a b**tch but this one isnt covered by it.
She doesnt run with the 10 sessions. Im not sure what the system is called but i just pay the gap fee not claim back.
I do have to be careful what i say in regards to that but from what i can tell you (not involved with Facs formerly kown as docs) but this is the psych they use for family and victims etc that run through this department (she told me thats how i know)
Does that clear it up abit more @Phoenix_Rising ?


Also in regards to meds she doesnt want to change them as yet and i dont want to change as the next one i have to have blood done every 2/3 months as it skrews with another organ so i dont want to risk it as these ones work fine.

[Former-Member]

Sorry sis @outlander was on chat.

You have got a lot going on at the moment and it seems to all be building up in you. Thats alot of work done in a few days, I know you are SW, but even SW sometimes needs to just pull back a bit and not go so fast so soon

Maybe next time tell you psych how you felt about hwat she said. Could you email her and let her know how you are feeling and that some of the things she is saying to you are not helpful at all.

[Phoenix_Rising]

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@outlander wrote:
No i stopped going to the one with victims services becasue she was a b**tch but this one isnt covered by it.
She doesnt run with the 10 sessions. Im not sure what the system is called but i just pay the gap fee not claim back.
I do have to be careful what i say in regards to that but from what i can tell you (not involved with Facs formerly kown as docs) but this is the psych they use for family and victims etc that run through this department (she told me thats how i know)
Does that clear it up abit more @Phoenix_Rising ?

---

@outlander Nope, doesn't really clear it up, but that's ok. I'm sure google can shed light on the matter. I've never heard of any other program whereby psychologists can get a medicare rebate, that's all.  

I was curious because I think it is super important for people to know what options are out there. I didn't know about the victims services program until I went to the Royal Commission and being able to access funded sessions via that program is life-changing for me (well, I mean, it will be if therapist-take-thirteen turns out to be a good match). There are so many people here in Forum Land who can't access support due to the cost, so I think it's important that people can get as much information as possible about programs that they may be eligible to access services through.

Thanks for explaining as much as you have @outlander.

[outlander]

Please dont apologise @Former-Member it really is ok. You need to take care of you too ❤❤

Sorry just alot happeneing and its upsetting me 😞


@Phoenix_Rising sorry i wasnt much help. Ill try and find out that name of the service i run through. Maybe as shes private? Not too sure...

[Sans911]

@Pheonix_Rising just for clarification, some psychologists are Medicare rebated.