Living with Ourselves

[Owlunar]

Hi again @Sophia1

I am wondering who you might have been under a different name - but let's not speculate - I had changed my name legally 3 times - marriage, then to get rid of my horrible second name and finally to change my surname and all of these gave me a different perspective and no way could I go back to my maiden name - I was not that person any more and it upset my father terribly and I am not at all sure why

Okay - I know I have come a long way since I joined this forum - I had a lot happening and one of them was leaving the support forum I had been in prior to this one - it was an agonizing choice -  I was a moderator and support member but I could not condone the use of MMJ and this caused conflict with the US owners of the site so I didn't just leave - I am known as a prior member there and apart from what I deleted myself before I left all of what I have written is still there

It was awful

And getting over my mother who died just over a year before I joined here has made a huge difference too - my life is easier all over - I do not ask myself every day if I will go and visit her - the answer was always "no" so that was horrible

And life does change - I can vouch for that - and it can go either way. 

I agree also that being "cured" is not the outcome I seek - my sensitive nature is part of me and I never want to change that - and I really think it's okay to be unhappy sometimes and to have things that can unexpectedly set us back - this is the way life goes and I really understand the light and shadows - and I actually like this -

And chatting with you recently has helped me to open up more - we click in some way - I understand what you are writing about even if you feel your words don't flow easily - not everyone can - I think faster than I can type - I fall over my fingers sometimes - I can hardly get it out quickly enough sometimes and then at others I will be sitting thinking - stuck - mid sentence - and maybe delete what I have written - I love being able to write and then delete - 

There is so many misconceptions in the world of mental illness and I know this is a generational thing - my parents were so bloody minded about it - like people with any kind of disorder were ready to be sent to the (bad place - can't possibly say the words they used) and suicide - people didn't do that - they made mistakes about where and what they did - even my son - as if it changed the truth and it causes me anguish to this day that I grew up in such a shadowy background with so much stigma

It's important to add that my parents would be nearly 100 if they were still alive - and even people of my age can be stuck in the past about concepts of mental illness and for me it really covers the more severe manifestations - and the rest is emotional discomfort and the labels - I am sure everyone has a label of some kind - I definitely have "Arguing with Authority figures Disorder" or AAD

Best gentle and kind with yourself - the past cannot be changed and the future has yet to happen - the present moment is all we have and it's precious

I hope you can get your property sold and - aw - you have to move twice - but it sounds as if it will be happening soon - I hope so - something I actually hate - I would be glad never to move again

But my grand-daughter is thinking of moving to Queensland - for her health - she has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and the winter wears her down - it wears me down to but I like to live in Melbourne

But my grandparents were her age when they decided to come to Australia for my grandfather's health after WW1 and they brought Dad and left their families in England and never saw them again - that really strikes me as sad - at least we can visit if she does go to Queensland

I hope that virus gives over - perhaps some warm weather over the weekend would help - and yes - I am packing already to leave for my few days of the tropics with some hints on the tropical weather from my daughter

Dec

[eudemonism]

@Sophia1there's nothing wrong with realising, acknowledging and accepting the way you are. I think that's a great trait for people to have. But also think about an achievable plan to work your way through it.

All this negative stuff may never go stay. So don't let it stop you from doing what you need to do. When it comes to looking after yourself - as best as you possible can.

A shower, make the bed, a little bit of tidying or cleaning, plan something good for next week, think about having something you enjoy for lunch or tea, put a load of washing on. Lay down. Take a few deep breathes. Focus on th solution and not the problem. - It maybe the most indirect thing. Eude

[Sophia1]

Hello @eudemonism

---

@eudemonism wrote:
@Sophia1there's nothing wrong with realising, acknowledging and accepting the way you are. I think that's a great trait for people to have. Buy also think about an achievable plan to work your way through it.

All this negative stuff may never go stay. So don't let it stop you from doing what you need to do. When it comes to looking after yourself - as best as you possible can.

A shower, make the bed, a little bit of tidying or cleaning, plan something good for next week, think about having something you enjoy for lunch or tea, put a load of washing on. Lay down. Take a few deep breathes. Focus on th solution and not the problem. - It maybe the most indirect thing. Eude

Thank you so much for reassuring me that there is nothing wrong in the way I think....

When I am extremely emotional....too many meteorites hitting me from all angles at once....my words can become a complicated ball of string that has been unravelled and clumsily gathered up in a mess...

Housework is the last thing on my list as we went through those appointments for perspective buyers...

The house is sold...just waiting for cooling off period now...

We also have settlement in 3 weeks tomorrow....

my very laid back husband thinks it is hilarious...

I am a collector of books!  stuff that I have printed off....written....etc....

The marvellous thing about it all is that we more than likely have a place to rent....a friend has three properties vacant...we are more than happy to rent one ...not the other two..he is away coming back tomorrow...

once cooling off period on house over and done we can sign lease to rent...

husband now with our builder finishing off last touches to plan to be sent off to architect...

So where there were thunderclaps there are now rainbows...

lastly hospital rang about details for procedure on monday...I mentioned virus...she said don't worry about it she lost her voice for four weeks...she advised me to let nurse that I feel fine and go ahead...

So fingers crossed anaethetist wont notice croaking or swollen glands ...it will be over and done with...

So Eude...the day just took care of itself...unbelievable...

I am in a new sort of haze now....

I am already dissociated and now am depersonalised from all of this stuff happening around me....

I think that I am in the best place actually...

Everyone else can get on with the packing laugh...

Sounds like the orange juice ...uh hum...bacon and eggs shared with friend went over well....

good for you...

your friend 

Sophia

[eudemonism]

@Sophia1 a little bit of cleaning, or a lot of cleaning, it's all the same thing...

I do genuinely care about what you think of me. And as for what I think of you. It hangs in the balance of what you think of me. - i suppose I'm trying to say that I do genuinely care. & I'm always picking up on your aura and vibe. - your wellbeing is my wellbeing... Eude

I can sense you're going through an emotional phase. Probably due to everything happening around you. The uncertainties. The unknowns. The changes. It also sounds like you got a plan for moving forward.

I took a picture of Purrpurr before. She was resting on the hot water service a she looked over the backyard. Do you ever take pictures of your cats?

All for now...

[outlander]

@Sophia1

[Sophia1]

---

@eudemonism wrote:
@Sophia1a little bit of cleaning, or a lot of cleaning, it's all the same thing...

I do genuinely care about what you think of me. And as for what I think of you. It hangs in the balance of what you think of me. - i suppose I'm trying to say that I do genuinely care. & I'm always picking up on your aura and vibe. - your wellbeing is my wellbeing... Eude

I can sense you're going through an emotional phase. Probably due to everything happening around you. The uncertainties. The unknowns. The changes. It also sounds like you got a plan for moving forward.

I took a picture of Purrpurr before. She was resting on the hot water service a she looked over the backyard. Do you ever take pictures of your cats?

All for now...

---

Dear @eudemonism

Thank you for letting me know that you care.....

What do I think about you? ...you ask...

I think that I believe in you...

I believe that you have so much to offer this world....

I have seen the growth in your writing...

Yes I am aware of the change with the depot injection...the change in your thinking style...

What do I wish for you?

I wish for you to like yourself....recognise your talents....your writing...your thinking at great depth at times is so very interesting....

I wish for you to believe in yourself...

I sincerely hope that you follow through with your new doctor and new psychiatrist....giving yourself a chance to bring about some much needed change in your life....

If you are concerned about what I think of you when you are affected by symptoms of your mind or side effects of your current medication....Please do not be concerned....

I am not shallow...

I know that Eude is there....I do not judge you...

Yes I have been through far too much over the last 15 years.....Far too much in the last 2-3 years....far too much in the last year....I am tired....I am fatigued...

I am not giving in though or giving up...

I might sound weird....that is just my writing straight from my thoughts...

Photographs of my cats....yes I have many...would love to share them....including my late soul cat ....sadly I cannot....they are far too distinguishable and would be easily recognised.....

One cat is very friendly and even welcomes strangers....the other cat is extremely aloof and only is friendly with us on her terms...

what sort of temperament does Purrpurr have? How are Mister and Purrpurr with Monti/python....

oh my goodness....I only just got ....Monti Python...Brilliant Eude...

See what I mean...

Ha I shall go off to bed laughing now....

Have a good night Eude....

speak soon

Sophia

[Sophia1]

Hello @Owlunar

I am so sorry ....

I wrote a lengthy response to your post about your experience on the other site....your mother....your granddaughter...

I was touching on the spiritual side...

I spoke about vulnerable times in my growing up...

I tagged @Appleblossom  also...

now I cannot find the post...

it might already be here...

I have looked but cannot see it..

I am very tired....will look tomorrow...

flipping computers drive me nuts sometimes...

[eudemonism]

@Sophia1 Purrpurr is very selective toward who she is friendly with. She often is shy and jittery with anyone new that comes along.

As for the dog, the cat and the python. I'll have to never leave them alone together. Eude

[Sophia1]

Good morning @eudemonism

Your purrpurr sounds like my Sassy .....there she has an internet name now...

Have to think of one for my boy...he can be Sylvester....

So I have Sassy and Sylvester

Sophia 

[Sophia1]

Good morning @Owlunar @Appleblossom @outlander @eudemonism @Zoe7

I have not been able to locate my two responses to your comments

one yesterday

one just now

forever lost in the world of cyberspace....it would be interesting to know whether or not all has eventually settled in the same continuum...

oh well

hope that you are all finding more accomplishment within your day....