Living with Ourselves

[Zoe7]

Pleased you are getting things achieved @Sophia1 Take care of yourself 

[Sophia1]

thanks @Owlunar

so lovely that you had a wonderful time in Cairns...

yes a good idea for a stopover allowing replenishing of energy and ability to enjoy the tail end of your trip...

this response will not be epic..

I am exhausted...

apart from being on the further medical test merrygoround that is getting me nowhere fast...

in the midst of attempting to assist in packing...

I seem to be walking around in circles...achieving very little...still utterly exhausted...

So today when I thought that things could not possibly deteriorate....

I had a missed call from sunday...rang today and had long discussion with a member of 

I received a  telephone call from interstate from a mental health team with update on family member....

the person gave me lots of information about what is available...if the family member is interested...I do not think that this part has changed....

on asking about whether these services are affected by NDIS rollout of course answer was as expected...yes...

A meeting is being held tomorrow morning with members of his department including senior psychiatrist do determine next move....He promised to ring me back to keep me informed...

Neither his dad or I have heard from him in about 6 weeks which is very unusual....his father is constantly forwarding money...

I feel as though I want to disappear down the rabbit hole and cry cry cry...

unfortunately daughter-in-law is here helping with packing...she has no idea of family member issues or mine either...

wearing the smiling face ....hanging on by finger nails is starting to fall apart...

So I have hidden myself in the office to eat my lunch which I did not feel like but forced down...

I am writing to my virtual family and friends who listen without judgement..

I do not expect solutions...

I just wanted to talk about it with someone who would not ask but why....or you should do this...and so on..

sorry to offload Dec....

I just can't stop the tears and have to go out now ...get on with packing...

we have gale force winds here today....I hate the wind...the wind is not nice....

I took the telephone call outside because of poor mobile reception whilst the wind blew me inside out and blew threw me for over an hour...

thanks 

[Former-Member]

Dear @Sophia1 and hi to all the other supporters here.  

Not a lot I can say, but no wonder you're exhausted.  Moving is an ordeal in itself, let alone everything else thats going on around you.  

I have to agree with you about the wind ... I too hate the wind.  Its destructive, unrelenting, and makes me upset, angry and unsettled.  I guess its a bit like the old anxiety and depression ... same results really. 

Its windy here as well unfortunately. Yuk!  And I so get the mobile reception thing ... we have intermittent reception here too. Some days if you could climb onto the roof we may have a couple of bars.  Other days we have it out front of the house, but if you get a bar or two ... dont move an inch!  It'll go.  Very frustrating.

Well I hope the packing continues to go well.  Soon it will all be done, and you'll be unpacking again. Please forgive me as I have not caught up with all your thread, other than the first page, from which I can see you have had a name change.  I wonder did I know you in your former guise?  Not sure, but nor does it matter.  I can see that I have lots of long saga's to catch up on ... giggle ... something for me to do in my spare time, aye?

All the best to you.

Sherry 

[Sophia1]

oh what a lovely...warmhearted reply @Former-Member

Yes you did know me under my previous pen name per se...

I fear that I might have offended you ...

then again these days I recognise that it is me....I fear that I upset most people...

I am working on it...

had to laugh about the mobile reception...

ditto

I have to try to remember which inch of grass I can stand on....no holding it up in the air like they do in films does not work up here laugh...

thank you @Former-Member I know that you have been a wonderful support for @Maggie and vice versa...always warms my heart when I read those connections...

I too have not followed all of your journey as I had to retire to this thread...all became too hard...

no matter

One can always begin from the middle and continue moving forward from there...

Thank you again....

Your response was timely as I spent the better part of today on the telephone to three different people in the mental health team of different sections of different organisations all in one state....good grief...

I did manage to find out more how the system works in that state and have made some allies who realise I am about respecting my family member's  privacy....rights as well as his welfare...

I have been told that I will hear about outcome tomorrow....can't go into more detail than that....following on from pen name change...

the packing went on around me as I took my crisis to the office and closed the door...

Tomorrow the sun will rise and another day begins and who knows what it will bring....

hopefully not blasted gale force winds...

Bless you xx

[Former-Member]

Dear @Sophia1

One thing I can guarantee is that you have never offended me. Nobody here at Sane ever has, so even though I do not know who you used to be, I do know that much at least. I will have to read some more to try and figure it out. 😄

If you thought you had offended me because I didnt post on your thread, not so. I probably wasnt aware youd left and returned. I tend to come and go a bit, depending on whats happening in my life and how I am. This year, particularly from around March to May, I was away a bit too, with hubby very ill and a month in hospital. So I was oblivious to a lot of what had been going on around here. I expect I missed a lot.

Anyway ... even if you upset a lot of people in the past, then you are clearly long forgiven. You have lots of lovely support and friends here who clearly admire and care for you. 

Well done with all the phone calls etc. The rocky road and confusing path of the different state MH facilities and negotiating the NDIS is no mean feat. I really hope everything works out for your family member. Here's hoping the outcome tomorrow is good.

Yes very true .. tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully its a good one for you. For me, I see my psych in the morning. The apt that was rescheduled 2 weeks ago when she was sick. Its going to be a difficult apt I fear. And in the afternoon my hubby has another apt with his oncologist. He seems to have gone downhill a bit the past week or so, and Im concerned about him.

I will be thinking of you Sophia. Sending love and strength your way.

Sherry  💕💪

[Sophia1]

Hello @Former-Member

Shall we forget about my worrying about offending...just move on..

please do not even try to be Dr Sherlock.....

I am a very much what is happening now person...

am very appreciative and grateful for your caring responses...

I do remember now that your husband was unwell and the struggles that go hand in hand with that...

I have witnessed the very same with my sister and a couple of friends with husbands...

It can be devastating when an appointment is deferred....grief...anxiety cannot be put on hold...

I feel for you with the situation with your husband....I have been a part of sister and friend's struggles with this and it is an unimaginary journey...We currently have two friends in this situation and my sister having recovered from lung cancer...losing her husband to cancer..now has a rare form of cancer...

I dont have any flowery words at such a difficult time...

I can tell you that I feel for you and not wanting to sound shallow...respect your feelings...

keep on talking if you wish to

if not...total respect.

[Former-Member]

Okay @Sophia1 I agree ..  there will be no Sherlock Homes investigation from me. 😀

And thanks for your kind understanding. 🌹🌺  Flowery words are not necessary.  

Thank you heaps.

Sherry

[Sophia1]

Thank you @Former-Member

I will be thinking of you and hope to keep in contact....

[Owlunar]

Hi @Sophia1

I get it - and I have replied to your message about missing persons on the other forum and now I understand more - it's really tough and no wonder the wind blew you inside out - it can be horrible when the wind does that - I don't like blustery wind much unless I am inside

When I have had to pack up to move I have really hated it too - I think the worse place was the home we sold for property settlement so long ago now - and I still don't like going past that house - too many bad memories - 

Whatever it is though - the memories come up when we have to go through the past and this happens as we wrap delicate things in newspaper and bubble wrap and the thoughts tumble around in our minds - disturbed from their timeless rest and bring the tears - 

Rabbit hole - oh no - don't go there - you might be able to cry but read those stories again and rabbit holes are scary - but cry - yes - shut yourself in another room and for privacy's sake - eat alone and let the mind fly up in the air and let the consequences fall where they will - you can only to that in private - 

So I don't need to know what or why and I will never tell someone what they "should do" - how dare people say that - if they only knew but we are not telling them - the only suggestion is to keep out of rabbit holes because they are more like sink-holes

You write to relieve your feelings - and you need to cry - gathering info is something I do - not intentionally - I have that kind of memory - I understand this is a nightmare right now - walking around not achieving much when you phyiscal health is not the best either

And someone is missing - I hear that - I know the feeling

Sending my best thoughts

Dec

[Sophia1]

Thank you @Owlunar

I appreciate your understanding...

I knew that you would get me...

I have also read your other response on the other thread...

I have spoken to family member who is struggling

for about an hour...

attempting to reassure ....working around the thinking that is frightening him...

He is of course terrified of what he is being told and what lies ahead...

All part of the overall situation...

I don't buy into that...I just listen...reassure him that there is hope for him to achieve his goals of going to university...that I  am always here for him and love him no matter what...I actually received same too twice...meaning more than you can imagine

take care

will write when I can

and follow up with your new thread..

please keep tagging me

hello all others passing by...sorry cannot reply individually...

awake all of the night...

running on adrenaline..