not feeling good

[Faith-and-Hope]

@BlueBay .... people express love in different ways, and for some, they never really follow the patterns that we can identify with as "being loving".  

For my MIL it's all about material possessions.  If you love someone, you give them things,  if they love you, they give you things.  So if she's not constantly being given to, she feels unloved. She gives to my husband in ways that usually belong to a husband-wife relationship, but she has never learned that boundary, and part of her psyche is that she has to always be first in his affections as his mother .... that's her particular inner programming .....

Your mum probably thinks she was expressing all the love she needed to just in providing the physical things that are placed around a child as they grow up -  a house, furniture, daily meals, bathroom facilities, an education, toys, etc .... and it has never been part of her understanding that love can be so much more than that ....

I am trying to help you to see that the short-fall is hers, not at all about how loveable you are .... and we can see how loveable you are very clearly .... it was a short-fall in her ability to understand what a loving mother is.  Whether that was part of how she grew up, mother issues or father issues of her own, or whether she has some sort of inner world issue that she has never addressed, it's all to do with her.

Your job now is to engage with, and keep engaged with, the love of the family you have around you .... huffy-puffy hubby who does love you .... your children ... your grand-baby as he/she grows in their cocoon .... your aunt and uncle who Yu know love you .... your friends ....acquaintances who appreciate you .... and us here on the forums.

Wish your mother some sort of improvement in the future, but then release her from your affections to a place, like a picture on the wall, that says she gave you food, clothing, and somewhere to live growing up, but that was all she was capable of, so it's time to let her go.  And your dad has chosen to stay with her, so his picture can go up on the wall too, but you can blow him the occasional kiss because you care more about him.

Does that help ?

I have to go out now for a while, but I will check back in with you later on .... thinking about you the whole time and sending you hugs.

❤️💕

[utopia]

Thank you @Former-Member

[Zoe7]

@BlueBay Sending you lots of hugs and love this morning. Hope you are doing much better today. Thinking about you my friend 

[BlueBay]

To all my beautiful friends @Zoe7@utopia@Faith-and-Hope@Former-Member@Owlunar

I am feeling okay this morning.  It's Monday and my two boys are coming home tonight.  Hubby has taken the day off and is picking them up tonight.  Can't wait to see them.

My daughter has her doctor's appt this morning and she is now going with her boyfriend.  He has taken day off work to go with her.  She called me last night to say if I was okay with that, and I replied "of course, that's okay".  It is better if he goes with her, to support her and to listen to what needs to be done and if the hospital needs to be booked.  She said they will call in after and we'll go out for coffee and she can tell me all about it 🙂

Yesterday and actually the whole week was not good.  Lots of triggers, memories and while I do enjoy most times being alone yesterday was not a good day.  I managed to call the CAT team and they finally called me back in the afternoon.  They managed to help me get ready to go for a walk down the beach.  I did and sat there for a while looking at the rough water and feeling the wind blowing.  I tried to take Jersey with me but she wouldn't walk with me, little shit decided to stop and sit in front of our house and mot move at all!!! So she went back outside and I went to the beach.

I ended up talking to @Former-Member for a while via email and then decided I would have a nice bath.  I was home alone so it was the perfect time to have one.  No interruptions 🙂

I put my pj's on and got dinner ready, by then hubby called to say he was on his way home.

We had tea, watched a movie together (first time i didn't fall to sleep and watched it all!!!) and then hit the bed.

@Faith-and-Hope thank you for your reply.  I do understand and take in what you say.  I think you're right, my parents never showed love to each other, no hugs or kisses nothing.  And yes they did provide a house, food for me, schooling, and they did the best they could.  Yes maybe my mum didn't show me love, care and hugs and kisses but that was her; and I'm not trying to neglect that fact that i am hurting but i do understand.  

It is time for me to let it be, and concentrate on my beautiful 3 children and one grandchild on the way. I am so excited.  I can't wait to see the ultrasound.  My daughter said I can come to that and she said that's when she will feel it's all real.  I think she knows she is pregnant but until you see it for yourself on the ultrasound, the heart beating - then you know it's real.  I'm so happy for her.

My life will change, I know it will and i am so looking forward to this beautiful life changing event.

@Former-Member thank you for the beautiful post you sent me and the hugs and love.

@Zoe7 my beautiful friend - sending you lots of hugs and love too 

@Owlunar I have a lot of learning to do still; lots of thinking but i know that i am changing and changing for the better.  i know i have some bad days, really negative thoughts (as do others on here) but it passes.  i know now that it does pass and i do come out of it at the other end.

Wishing you all a beautiful day wherever you. Take care my friends.  

@Faith-and-Hope keep sending us photos and stories - i love reading your posts so much.

[Faith-and-Hope]

@BlueBay

[Zoe7]

@BlueBay Didn't see this post first!!!!

So happy that you looked after yourself so well last night - very, very well done my friend 

So glad you are doing okay this morning. Your boys will be home and your daughter has her appointment - is going to be a great day for you - lots of really good things to look forward to!

There are so many positive things happening in your life and although so many changes are happening they are all really good ones to look forward to - very exciting!

Still walking with you and sending you all my love - very proud of you my friend 

[Owlunar]

That is a great Teddy Bear Hug @Former-Member - I was looking for something like that

@BlueBay

Years and years of sorrow take a long time to undo - if you take a pencil and a note book and draw a circle and go round and around on the top sheet until you have done this as long as you feel inclined and look - it will have gone several pages through the note book and that's what all the hurt of so long has done to you

I understand what you feel - and know it goes less with time - and other people have posted some great thoughts here - and this is good

You will still have your bad days - but with all you have to live for you will recover - it does take time

I would have loved to have taken that walk with you yesterday - and seen the bay being stormy

Your - our - everyone's - moods are like the weather - they change constantly - one reason I like weather

Lots of hugs today

Dec

[utopia]

@BlueBay. You managed really well yesterday. And I agree with @Owlunar - I wish I was on that walk with you. I live it when the water is fierce and stormy (& I'm on dry land). Love the wind in my hair. Even better to be inside and be able to watch it out the window.
I hope you have a great day. I lool forward to hesring about OUR first doctors appointment. I am claiming your daughters pregnancy for all of us on the forum. Lol

[BlueBay]

Hi @utopia@Owlunar@Zoe7@Faith-and-Hope

So my daughter had her first doctor's appt this morning.  She had to have another blood test to check on how far she is.  Then she will ring dr in two days for results and then can book for her ultrasound.  Her doctor found her thyroid level was too high so she has given her some medication. and she needs iron tablets as well.  apart from that everything good so far.  once she has the ultrasound to confirm dates she can then book hospital.

hubby and i met up with her and her boyfriend at local shopping centre and she had to buy a pair of sketchers shoes for work.  she was wearing high heels and boots but not anymore.  at least she will be comfortable and it will be much better for her.

we then went through Target - big mistake!!!  my daughtger and I walked straight to the baby section. 🙂 OMG we were googling and gargling like two little girls who were given xmas presents!!! kept picking up girls clothes and saying OMG look at this and then go and pick boys clothes and say thge same.

my hubby and her boyfriend were standing there laughing.  can you imagine when it's time to buy clothes and furniture - omg it's going to be so much fun.

Now home, hubby is playing some ungodly rock music on the computer and i am upstairs trying to relax.  meeting an old friend later for a coffee. which will be nice.

hope everyone is having a nice day.  the weather is a bit windy, not cold but it did rain before.

chat again later on.

[Zoe7]

@BlueBay So lovely to hear you have had such a good day :smileyhappy

Enjoy your coffee with your friend. 

Hugs 

Zoe