not feeling good

[BlueBay]

Hi everyone

I'm getting ready to go into hospital, doing last minute things at home ie. washing some clothes.

I'm feeling anxious and teary because I am feeling vulnerable and emotional.  Vulnerable because I know once i get in there i will break down and cry,  i have built up inside a lot of tears waiting to come out.  with yesterday's news of my job i don't know how to deal with that.

I need to slow my brreathing down, it is racing not good for my asthma.  which reminds me i must bring my puffer with me. 

really scared hospital will open up another can of worms and i will lose it completely. 

so scaraed this time, so teary right now.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Good that you're reaching out here @BlueBay .....

We are listening to you and walking with you.  It's easy to understand how vulnerable you are feeling at the moment, particularly with unshed tears over your job situation.

Great that you are remaining conscious of your breathing, and keeping it slow and steady.  That will really help.

Take care @BlueBay ..... here holding your hand .....

💙🐚🐬💕

[BlueBay]

@Faith-and-Hope 

I don't know what to do anymore, do I look for more work.  I can't live on 3 hours work a day that's only 6 hours a week which totals $120 a week.  That is nothing comparred to 24 hours a week.  And what job do i go for; I am too old, my memory is not good, I am too vulnerable, not good for a new job.  

I am so vulnerable at the moment, so many emotions bottled up.  I am so angry at everyone, the owner, the supervisor.  Next time the owner comes in and decides to give me a hug andkiss I won't be too nice and happy to see him.  In fact I've just decided i won't go the the xmas party.  Why should i go and pretend to be happy when I can't even survive on the way i will get.

i am so angry at the moment. see from tears and shock uyesterday i am now angry.

@Faith-and-Hope how do we survive, new house, mortgage, why do these things happen.  another strike to get us again, another stress to add to what i have already. why. i don't get it. i understand the work is quiet, we moved to a very quiet area even though we are next door to a medical clinic. the spot is quiet. no walk through traffic. it is the wrong spot. and our regular customers have not come with us; they have gone elsewhere. and also we changed brand name of pharmacy whcih customer didn't like.

i can't work only 3 hours a day. oh i dont what to do. i need to get ready to go to hospital.  i can read everyone's posts but just can't reply on my phone. for some reason i can't use my phone.

BB xxoo

[Faith-and-Hope]

@BlueBay, just for now, you're going to have to put all that aside, and work on getting the best out of this hospital stay.  Horse in front of the cart, not behind it .....

You need to work at getting you equilibrium back .... your sense of balance .... so you can be in an appropriate state within yourself to be able to look for a second part-time job.  There might be a gift in this.  Whatever the new job is might be more pleasing to you than working in the pharmacy, and the fact that you have two part-time jobs allows you more variety .... and who knows ?  You might end up quitting the pharmacy altogether and making the new part-time job full-time instead, if you like it enough ....if it works better for you, or pays more .....

Those are all bridges to cross later.  You will be able to talk over with your therapist, maybe your daughter, and think about what your ideal job might be.  Would you like to work in a baby shop for instance ?  Or a craft or gardening shop ?  Later ..... you can toy with the ideas, but decisions come later .....

Breathe @BlueBay ..... and just try to stay in the moment with what is happening for you now.

Hugs Hon .... 💙

[oceangirl]

Hi @BlueBay

thinking of you.

could you ask for more hours at your current work or find another job in another pharmacy.

focus on your health and the rest will sort itself out.

look after yourself xxx

[NikNik]

Hi everyone,

@BlueBay is having some issues logging on from hospital, so asked me to post this:

Dear friends

As I lay in hospital waiting for the day to begin I think of what lays ahead- moving. Yes TODAY is the day. My mental state is not that great, my asthma has flared up to being really bad. Have been put on nebuliser during the night. Not being able to breathe is really scary. And just a few minutes ago I've pulled a muscle in my back. I've taken pain meds and trying some slow stretches. Hoping it will be ok.

So we moved our daughter stuff yesterday to her little cottage. They are so excited. I'm so happy for them. Back to my place - what a mess. Boxes everywhere mess everywhere. I couldn't cope. But hubby has done so much. He has been great. I took photos of my beautiful garden to remind me and then I broke down. I am really going to miss my big beautiful green lush garden. The palms the plants the coloured flowers the birds.

Think of me today at noon when we get the keys to our new home. When the fun begins to move. We have our boys helping. My sons friend is also helping which is great.  I have to be back at hospital tonight. Don't know how long I'm staying here. Could be the whole week. Seeing my psych tonight.

Better go and have a shower. Hot water on my back may help.

Take care everyone.

BB xxxooo

[Zoe7]

@BlueBay So glad to hear from you my beautiful little yellow flower.

I hope that this is the beginnig of a new chapter in your life - one filled with joy, peace and hope. 

Thinking of you and still sitting on your shoulder... always...

Love and hugs ...

Zoe 

[Shaz51]

sending you lots of hgs my friend @BlueBay,thinking of you

[Owlunar]

Hi @BlueBay

I was thinking of you today - I realised it was moving day

So - now it has come and passed and you have the night - I hope you can be at peace because this was the day everything changed

All the best - rest now

Dec

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks @NikNik .....

I picked this up yesterday but didn't come back and respond .....

Thinking of you @BlueBay ...... big hugs .....

💙🐬🐚🦋💕