not feeling good

[Zoe7]

@BlueBay Thinking of you my beautiful little yellow flower...

and still sitting on your shoulder 

[Shaz51]

sending you hugs @BlueBay 

[Zoe7]

Hey @BlueBay 

[Shaz51]

@BlueBay 

[BlueBay]

Hey @Zoe7 my beautiful friend, I was just thinking of you and was about to come on and say hi when I saw your message.

Hi to @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @Owlunar @NikNik @outlander (sorry i can't think of everyone)

my computer and internet is back!!!!!   finally 🙂

We moved two weeks ago and it was a stressful day.  I was still inhospital and was allowed out to help my family move.  I was very sick with asthma and the helping made it worse, the dust and crap everywhere.  We got the keys to our new home at lunchtime so we had all cars and van full waiting for 12 noon.  We then moved as much as we could and clean the old house as well.  All kids were on deck.  On that day my yioungest son had Uni exams later on so he helped and then he left for uni.  my dasughtyer helped as much as she could.  I stayed until about 7pm and by then my asthma was terrible.  i was getting wheezy and tired.  So i got my daughter to take me back to hospital.  i left my husband and other son at the old house to finish up packing.  The new owners werent moving in until the next day so we were lucky.

by the time i got back i could hardly breathe so they got me onto a nebuliser every 4 hours and called a doctor to come and see me.

the next day i stayed in hospital and didn't go anywhere, i slept most of that day.  i was emotionally drained and physically unwell.

i did have a lot of one on one sessions with a psychilogist who was lovely but each session was very draining.  

so now ........... i am on new meds, my psych is happy with the way things are going.  i am feeling okay, the move has changed me; i am walking daily at least 30 mins a day.  it's great having a walking track straight out the back door.  i am slowlyt settling in, it is still taking time to empty the boxes.  my asthma has settled but again this morning the wheeze started.  i have to be very careful or i will end up in hospital.

my GP is onn top of this at the moment.  he is veryt good.

my daughger is 25 weeks now she is showing and looks beautiful.  they have settled into their little place too.  it is so nice to see them settle in.

my boys are good, boys are boys 🙂

oh by the way, my son gets his final offer for the police force and is due to go in 29 aug.  so he will move out of home but will come home on the weekends.  so it's just us two and our youngest son.  i will miss him.

i feel like i shouldn't be happy, like i don't deserve this happiness, this house. it's doesn't feel real.

mhy GP says i look different, he says i look like a lot of stress has gone.  maybe it was the house.  i don't know.

thew work stress is getting bigger.  i have a staff meeting tomorrow night so we will see what happens.  i hope my hours don't get drasticallyt cut but if they do i may have to leave and look elsewhere but i really don't want to.  i am anxoius about that.

i hope everyone is doing okay.  i am sorry if i have missed someone, i know i prob have.  my memory is not very good at the moment. think its one of the meds.  

will chat again soon.

BB xxxooo

[Shaz51]

wonderful to see you my awesome friend 

[Zoe7]

OMG @BlueBay this does not seem like the 'overly emotional' little yellow flower that I have come to know and love LOL - I like this YOU just as much my friend. You have done brilliantly BB - so much happening and so much positivity from you. I am so very pleased for you. Keep doing what you are doing because it certainly seems to be working.

Maybe I don't need to sit on your shoulder anymore - maybe I can sit at your feet and watch you continue to grow taller above me 

[BlueBay]

You know @Zoe7 I cried for days before the move, I was so so anxious - but - once the move was done I haven't cried.

I did lose all my jewellery, my rings, my bracelets, my gold bangle - but - i didn't get overwhelmed or crazy or cry.  I simple sat and prayed and after a few days hubby found them in a box (different box to which i had put them) in the garage.

I think the new meds and the support from my new psych, psychologist andn GP and the move to this new home has changed me a little.

I am also on a new challenge today-  I have made a challenge for a month with my GP and his nurse that i am going to eat more healthy, exercise more (depending on my asthma) and go back in a month to be be re-weighed, re-measured and see if I have lost any weight.  My GP is concerned that I need to lose some weighgt otherwise my BP is a concern and i could get diabetes (something i donm't want to get). So this is going to be my July mission - I hope i can do it.  But he told me today to NOT be too hard on myself and it doesn't matter if i have one slip up i just get back up and go again.

I am so lucky i have great support.

No @Zoe7 stay on my shoulder.  You are a treasure.  How are you anyway? xxxxooo

Hello @Shaz51 how are you and how is your husband going?

Also, just another thing - i made a big decision while in hospital that I won't be on here as often as i used to.  I prob will come on 1 or twice a week i just can't do daily or nightly.  I found it was taking too much of my family time and since i didn't come on here for a few weeks while no internet it's been differrent.

Not that i don't love you all, and donm't think of you all it's just that i need a balance of everything.  

This was another change i knew i had to make and I guess having no internet made that choice for me.

BB xxxooo

[Zoe7]

@BlueBay I think that is wonderful. You are doing so well that you don't need the support as much from here and that is a very postiive thing. If you are receiving that support from elsewhere then that is great. I am so proud of you BB. I wish I could reach through the screen and give you the biggest hug for how far you have come in such a very small space of time. You know where we are if you need to reach out but hopefully you won't need to. WOW - I actually have happy tears - my beautiful little yellow flower has grown into an amazing sunflower - you have made my day BB 

I am ok my friend - much better after such wonderful news from you. You just concentrate on this new found happiness - embrace it, believe it and live it my friend - you deserve it 

[Owlunar]

Hi @BlueBay

That is fantastic news - I knew that old house was giving you such a hard time - and that moving out was going to be positive for you - and it has been

This is so great

It's pretty normal to be anxious about things changing where you work - maybe you will need to look for a new job but as tough as it is - it happens to most people at some stage - you'll be okay - you can take time catching up with yourself and working on your new regimen - diet, exercise, working out your chores plans in your new house

In the meantime - because of your asthma - let someone else unpack the boxes and put the contents on the table or bench or somewhere and you will put them where you want them - this is better than getting the dust from the boxes into your lungs and also - you don't have to tell anyone where you want something when you hardly know yourself

Take things easy and walk - just step out and walk - that is the best exercise - 

It's good to have you back sounding so positive and also - we don't mind at all that you will only come here now and again - family time is important - but we will still be here

Dec