SPRING-Clean Declutter - Need Help

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

I'm glad to know you are there full time with your Dad right now - you say he seems to be going downhill fast - this might be a grief thing and it will either pass or will not but God is in charge of that

I reckon your Dad is happier with you there and you can feel stronger about keeping your sibs nick-pickingm pinchym sticky fingers out of certain things

I dunno myself about keeping the animals but then - they are important for your Dad I guess - you will be able to clean them up now though

Then there's the ashes - and your Dad has them on the china cabinet with the flowers - his choice - it's important for him to remember that his wife of so many years has passed on - and this is hard for both of you

Now about the de-cluttering -  I know this feels disrespectful toward your mother and you need to go through the grieving process yourself - and you also feel your mother would hate it for you to go through and declutter her stuff

But she's gone now and whatever happens she is in a better place and as your Dad said - more settled - I think she would be glad to have it done away with bit by bit. Think in your mind that you are talking to her as you go through the process and tell her you are not snooping - just clearing things so you can care for your Dad at home cause maybe it just will make life easier for him and yourself of course

I dunno what to say about your sibs - strange sister but I have a similar one - oh dear - what do with do with difficult childish and domineering people?

I am with you Lapses - I care a whole lot and know this is a really hard time - and you have pain

None of this is going to make your pain any easier right now but after my mother died I found I was able to cope with my spinal pain much better without the tension I had in my life - rest in short spaces when you can and things will gradually feel more normal about your sciatica - I know that is a fire in your legs at times

My love and prayers always sis

Dec

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Former-Member 👋 ..... sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job there .....

I hope your Dad is easy to get along with around the health issues, and you get to enjoy a relationship with him now.

My Dad is on his own.

[Former-Member]

hi @Former-Member, and anyone else i miss - appreciate your reply too, just lack concentration lately, bit going on. Good to read were not alone in the struggle to not hoard stuff. My sister in law shoved all my bro's stuff down the shed & the house is nearely bare, just furniture. She's always been a clean freak. Too empty seems wrong to me but mabe not.

[Faith-and-Hope]

I don’t like too empty either @Former-Member.

[Owlunar]

Hi @soul

I am really sorry that your daughter was thoughtless enough to want to discard the watch and ring you gave her - but then - she did leave them where you would find them and now you have them and you keep them - maybe in the future you will have a granddaughter or a niece you can give them to

Personally I would feel hurt about that but then - when we give people personal items there is the chance they won't like them - but then - that is their choice - I have been given things in my lifetime that I treasure but never use - I keep them though - things like that hold memories I guess and are keepsakes

Keeping small personal items and old photos is not what I consider hoarding - I have scrapbooks myself that I did years ago - I enjoyed it until I got Companion Cat who thought it was fun to play with what I was doing - and I stopped - but I have these memories and photos stored somewhere - in the future someone might find what was happening in my life - in the world - and be glad to have them. Or not. We can't take things with us but we can keep precious things forever our lifetime

I think I would take the watch and ring thing personally myself - but I understand - and I care about how you feel

No need to feel guilty about going through her stuff and if there is more stuff she wants to leave with you - tell her it can stay for such-and-such a time - unless of course you like them - 

Thinking of you Soul

Dec

[Former-Member]

coming back to you @Owlunar 🙂
thanks @Faith-and-Hope? jope you're ok? My prescription glasses broke so limiting my online rwading re so small. Yes, its nce having tme with dad mostly. The memory loss makes it hard. He gets my name mixed up a lot too so not sure how connected he is with me personally. xox

[soul]

Thanks for your reply @Owlunar.I lost so much stuff during my divorce ( my ex threw out everything that was mine) that I am hanging on to anything that has some sentimental value. I still think about an ornament or dish i used to have. The photos are what I miss the most - stuff before the digital age.

I have led quite the minimalistic life since and even then could declutter some clothes I know I will probably never wear again. Shall get stuck into it once my arm and hand is more functional.

@lapses - I'm really impressed with your efforts under such challenging circumstances - way to go!!!!

Hi @Faith-and-Hope - wishing you all the best. How are things going? I think of you and the huge adjustment you are dealing with.

[Determined]

Making a commitment here to get my office sorted for my darling this Thursday. After a great start and an awesome looking bedroom the cleanup process seems to have stalled. (Had a rough few days and still recovering)

I know my darling is anxious to see it done before I go back to uni. So really want to achieve that for her.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Trying to get things into order here @soul ..... different being here on holidays from being here for daily living, but the kids are keen to be organised .... yay 🎉 .... and are getting involved.

[soul]

Sounds good @Determined. Great to have willing helpers @Faith-and-Hope