My mother died today

[Dark_Olena]

My mother died this morning. I had not seen her since August of  2010. Having no contact with her was the hardest decision that I've ever made. She was toxic and dysfunctional and she was affecting my life  mentally and physically which spread onto my own family. So i had to cut contact, but I still loved her and thought of her everyday. I knew she had dementia, she was 82. I couldnt even go see her, because I would shake violently with panic and anxiety. I hope I dont come to regret not seeing her. I know it wasnt physically or mentally possible for me, unless I was sedated. I feel sad for her, but she is not bitter or hateful anymore and free now.

[Bunniekins]

@Dark_Olena Hi Dark_Olena firstly may I wish you my condolences for your loss. I had a toxic relationship with my father and when he passed it was both a blessing but also tinged with sadness of what might have been so I appreciate I think how you are feeling right now.  I hope you have family and friends around you that can support you at this time. 

These mixture of emotions are hard to take so be kind on yourself and don't judge yourself harshly if you are not responding like you would expect. You know you always have the us your forum family here to talk to if it all gets too much to handle. Just be gentle on yourself.

Take care gp xxxx

[Former-Member]

Hello @Dark_Olena

I am really sorry to hear that your mother died, that sounds really tough even though you had stopped communicating with her for the last 8 years. Grief is quite powerful and can bring up many different emotions, like anger, sadness, guilt, relief, etc - so don't be suprised if you feel all of these plus many more. Especially when you had a difficult relationship with her but you also love her.

The most important thing is that you allow yourself to feel those things and get some support through others if you can, so it is good you are reaching out here on the forums.

Please take care of yourself as best you can okay.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Dark_Olena

my condolences to you on the loss of your Mum. Pls take care. Hugs to you ❤️

[Appleblossom]

Tulip Fantasy on Cream

Hearing you re sense of relief that she is no longer in pain.  Still death is sad, but when it takes so much out of you to keep contact, it makes sense you did what you needed.

Go gently

[Owlunar]

Hi @Dark_Olena

I'm sorry to hear your mother has died - and also that it was such a complex situation - I had the same kind of thing with my mother and although I can't possibly know how you feel I do understand

You are concerned you might regret your absence from your mother's life as time passes - I can assusre you I haven't and it was 2.5 years that past without my seeing my mother the last time - until just before she died - and there were years on end before that - it was a toxic relationship too and I know I cared for myself and in the end - we are the person we need to care for first so we can be useful for other people - and I hope you will be okay

This is the right place to talk about it though - many people understand. I think you were very brave to keep away from the situation. I am glad you have shared this and glad I know you

There are no real words to console someone for the loss of a loved one but we are here to share this time with you and support you in whatever way we can

Sending love

Dec

[outlander]

hi @Dark-Olena

sending my deepest Condolences. Hugs

[utopia]

@Dark_Olena. Sending you some love.

I think what you wrote about your mother, was a very true and honest account.

She is now at rest. Time for you now.♥♡