Lived Experience Forum

[HopeDream]

Hello,

There's been a lot on my mind recently and I just want to put all my thoughts down. I guess the main thing is that I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago and now I feel all alone. We used to talk all the time and I felt like he was the only one who saw me for who I was. But at the same time, he was a really toxic person, and often put me down and gaslighted me. It's strange how I miss him so much but feel so much anger towards him. Anyway, it just feels like my world is falling apart. I have friends and family but I feel like they don't really see me for who I am. It's like I have no anchor keeping me on the ground, and I'm just floating up in the air, lost.

If anyone has some advice/words of encouragement, that would be great. I just don't know who to talk to about all this. I feel all alone.

[tyme]

Hey hun @HopeDream 

It sounds like you are experiencing grief. You have every right to be grieving. There is not timeframe for grief.

At the same time, I hear you feel you have no anchor. I recognise how hard this is to feel there is limited stability.

Yet deep down, you are your own anchor. We all need to anchor ourselves. 

For me, I lived many years using others as my anchor. In the end, I lacked self-identity. When my 'anchor' disappeared, I felt I disappeared with them.

It is hard right now, we are not denying it, but I am confident you will find your feet.

We're here if you need to talk about it.

[HopeDream]

Hi @tyme,

Thank you so much for your response. I do feel grief in the sense that my emotions go up and down - one day, I'll be fine, but the next I'll feel sad, and the next angry, then the next sad again. It's hard because I've never known how to be my own anchor, as I've always relied on others to get me through things. But I suppose now I need to learn how to be there for myself. I just hope I am strong enough to do it.

- HopeDream

[tyme]

That's what we are here for - to cultivate your strengths and help you be your own anchor. @HopeDream 

I think this is something we all eventually need to learn to do. As much as it may be easier to 'lean' on others to hold you, it can be very precarious. 

We will see you through! It's not an unfamiliar place. You are definitely not alone in travelling this path of discovery.

[rivergal]

i hope writing these thoughts down and writing down all the ways in which you are a wonderful person lays the roots for self encouragement so that you can bloom and blossom. You are not alone, we all feel this way from time to time. Talk to yourself gently. You are loved by many!!!

[Dk5]

I have also gone through a grieving process but I know being around toxic people is not a good thing keep believing don't take one step back I'm with you. Let's get see the brighter side of life

[HopeDream]

Hi @rivergal 

Thanks so much for your reply. I have tried writing my thoughts down recently and it definitely helps a lot. I am so grateful to have found this forum - the support from you and everyone here means more than you'll ever know. I really hope you're doing well and I'm wishing you happiness wherever you are.

- HopeDream

[HopeDream]

Hi @Dk5, 

Thank you so much for your reply. I'm sorry to hear that you are also grieving - I know now from experience how hard it is to lose someone that is really important to you. But I also know that if we just hang in there, there'll surely be happier days to come. Here's to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

- HopeDream

[HopeDream]

Hello @tyme 

Thank you so much. I just wanted to say that you're doing amazing things for so many people by being on here. And I can't imagine it is easy to read so many stories of pain and hardship, so I just wanted to say that I really appreciate what you do. Before coming onto this forum I was in a really dark place and even though it hasn't been long that I've been here, the support that I've received has been overwhelming. Your words have really helped me a lot, so thank you.

- HopeDream

[tyme]

Hey @HopeDream ,

Hope today has been okay for you. What are you up to?

Thank you for your beautiful heartfelt posts.

You are amazing.