Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[DI68]

Hi, my first time.  Not sure why, but guess I need some feedback.  Have a son with many mental health issues and with all the help I am trying to get him, he isn't interested in helping himself. He gets up at 3pm and goes to sleep at 3am, which doesnt help the situation.  Any suggestions as how to get him to help himself.

Thankyou 

[Paperdaisy]

Hey @DI68 Welcome to the forums. I hope you find this to be a supportive community. It's tough watching loved ones go through difficult times and feeling helpless. How old is your Son? 

[Eve7]

Hi @DI68 and welcome to the forum. I’m sorry your son is unwell. If it’s any consolation I have a grandson keeping similar hours.

I have no easy answers but I’m here and willing to offer support.

[Drake]

His soul needs healing. So does mine. Would be nice if parents listened more and understood that we can't always communicate our agony. But we don't live in a perfect world. Long story short, it's not your son's fault he feels the way he does. Nor is it his fault for going to sleep at that time or "not helping himself". I've heard this so many times and it's so frustrating. How do you "help" yourself when you don't even know what help you need? ie for me, at this point, I've put the finger up to everyone and I'm going out into the woods to scream... To gladly express my right to release my inner anger, regardless of who says what about it. What other way is there? It's so obvious. Release the pain. Don't add to it.

[DI68]

My son is 31 but also has an intellectual impairment, so mentally he is only about 19 or 20, which also makes things difficult.

[DI68]

Thankyou Eve7, much appreciated. Does your grandson live with you?

[Appleblossom]

Caring can be complicated @DI68 

@Hearing your pain as a mum.

As one of the posters said. It is far from perfect this world.  It is harder for some to find a decent path than others. The flipped sleeping hours… is not that unusual these days. Sadly I see tek as contributing.  Not everything is as glossy as it appears.

My best advice…. Is keep to the importance of self respect… for both of you. Essential: Keep your own self care going. Encourage help from him in the home even when visiting.  All productive acts add to self esteem. 

[Eve7]

Yes @DI68 he does. 

[fruitshop24hrs]

He must need patience, then. He can't help it.

Do you think there might be a reason why he sleeps and wakes at those weird times and doesn't want to 'help himself'? What does he know is out there?

If you think he can help himself, how come you are helping him so much?