Mansplaining

[utopia]

Mansplaining : 

(Of a man) explain (something) to someone,  typically a woman, in a manner regarded as condescending or patronising.

So this is what my son has been doing to me all year, but has escalated in the last 2 weeks, since he turned 16.

On Thursday after a 9 hour day of driving to Melbourne etc, I'm taking both my son and his girlfriend to school at 7pm to learn about choosing subjects for year 11 & 12. And he starts on me again. Even his gf is appalled.  She kept telling him to "stop", "back off" & "shut up".

Today I drive him to his casual job. Do the second load of washing,  clean up etc. My African Drumming lesson was canceled.  So I managed to get to his job on time to pick him up. He sends me a text. Won't be long. Just waiting for gf to finish her shift & can you drive her home too. Sure.

20 minutes later, I send him a text saying hurry up. Where is gf? 10 minutes later he jumps in the car - without gf (apparently she's doing overtime and didn't check with her. I'm tires, have a headache and I've been sitting in a very hot car for 30 minutes.

I say, next time check with gf what time she finishes. "Yeah, whatever".

I say don't whatever me. Show some bloody respect to me. And he starts again. 

"Just chill. Don't worry.  Yeah I said I would do it. Why do you keep telling me? You go on and on about the same stuff. Chill".

Most of you on the Forum know me by now. So it won't come as a surprise that I 'flipped my lid'.

I stopped the car and said, how disrespectful it is to cut me iff mid sentence,  to tell me to chill and just relax - as if I'm some overly sensitive fragile woman from 300 years ago.

I told him, when I ask you to do something like out your washing in the laundry, you say "no worries" & then the next day and the next day I keep asking for your dirty laundry.  And you tell me to 'chill out', ' stop making a scene over nothing'.

But you don't HEAR anything I say. I ask you to do your basic chores and you treat me like I'm acting like a lunatic. You ahut me down and interrupt me as I'm talking and tell me I'm wrong constantly.  And I'm tired of being spoken to like that.

Dropped him at mums (he had to walk her dog). Then he sends me a text saying he'll stay at her house for a few hours to give me a chance to 'calm down'.

I'm now bloody infuriated.  He just did it again.  So I sent him a poster via sms showing the many ways that (generally men) mansplain and speak down to women. I also told him to look up the word and also gaslighting which he's also doing. 

I used to get this sort of treatment from his father. Treated me like I was totally dumb. So I left him. I won't take it from my son. So he came home, grabbed his clean dry clothes I washed today and left again to stay at my mums.

Today was meant to be a nice calm day, relaxing,  as the court hearing is tomorrow. And I'm trying not to stress.

I don't care that he's 16 & his brain hasn't fully developed.  He has been raised by me, solely since he was 2.

I won't have him put me down. I'm single for a reason. 

[Owlunar]

Wonderful word @utopia - I looked it up

I wouldn't put up with it either - I'm single for a reason too

Okay - I get it - I have done my lid more than a few times - I guess you know it's time to stop driving him around and doing his washing

I really hate it that so many women do things for men who in different ways tell them to "chill" which in my book means - "Just shuddup, you're only a woman and what would you know anyway?"

I remember how helpless my ex-h was after we seperated - I must have been of some use.

I'm on your side - do you need any clip art for this word - I might find something

Dec

[Former-Member]

Hello @utopia

This sounds like a really difficult situation, as I can see how it would be terribly hard when your son explains things for you and disrespects you. I would also greatly sturggle with this.

It is good you are putting your needs first and looking after yourself by implementing some boundaries with him staying elsewhere, good work.

Although this sounds difficult to do and when he says these things to you he triggers you and perhaps you are triggering him as eh becomes very defensive.

Are there times when you can talk to him and connect on things? Some parents find they have to be in a state of calm themselves to have these talks and re address it later, not always at the time, which can be very helpful and healing for your relationship. This might be when your both doing an activity together, or going on a walk or something enjoyable?

Lunar

[utopia]

@Owlunar. Yes, would love to see what clipart would come up with for this.

[Owlunar]

Clipart to order @utopia

Being a forum owl has advantages

The wise owl has been thinking a lot about this clipart

This part of life is temporary

Teenagers are hard people to deal with Utopia - I know this - they think they know best but they are sooooooo inexperienced - I have been one myself - I get it - I had two teenagers myself - my grandchildren have all been teenagers and my great-grandchildren have started this now - 

I guess they will all learn as we did

Sending hugs today - I need some myself too

Dec