Life can be a Pain

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Zoe7

I find it hard to write about myself when I am in a bad place - it's enough to say that I am - but really - it was only one day that I was really down - and I felt so washed out - maybe that's why I slept for such a long time - I was hard writing to my rellies - I don't like to push myself in on people - but this time I got a really good answer - they really do want to see me.

I have another uncle I want to see too - and my cousin - whom I am close to and keep in touch with on Facebook - I have other cousins in Northern America and I see pics of their children - who are still only children but are my second cousins - my family has really stretched out across the generations - my youngest first cousin was born after my son - interesting

I am thinking I should ring my cousins in America - I have to find their phone-niumbers - the family needs support and I can give this - my family really shattered apart a few times over the years - not my doing but I was ostracised by my parents and this meant I have to try hard to reach out and it is hard being the one that does all the reaching out - I am sure that is easy to understand

One thing about winter - we sleep more and this is helpful for me - though I know you are struggling with that - I hope you are not in too bad a place right now - I have a lot of catching up to to

Thanks for your messages - they mean a great deal

Dec

[outlander]

Hugs @Owlunar just at gp atm will write more when im out 💕💕💕

[Shaz51]

Enjoy your trip to Lakes Entrance @Owlunar 

[Zoe7]

@Owlunar I pretty much gave up on 'reaching out' a couple of years ago when I was basically 'broken' by something that happened with my Mum. One conversation/disagreement too many and I snapped. I started to walk home from my parents place (only 40 kms away). That is when I started really pulling away from the family and trying to avoid all the sh*t that goes with it. Over the last - probably around a year - I have definitely 'stuck up for myself' more andmy mother does seem to be 'letting things go' a little more and not escalating the 'difference of opinions'. I can't say we have a better relationship now but it is a little easier. I have also been doing the same with my sister - and that is even harder because we used to be very close - but I won't put up with her constantly complaining about things (mostly her partner) - I definitely don't need that in my life - even if I was well!

i think ringing your cousins in America would be a lovely thing to do - I bet they would be thrilled to hear from you - I know I would if I was them 

I have had those days when all I wanted to do was hide away, sleep and not connect with anyone (even on here) - we all need that sometimes. It doesn't mean we don't care or we are completely isolating ourselves negatively - it just means we need space and time for ourselves - and that is just as important as connecting with people - and to be ableto recognise that is really positive.

Ido feel like I am making progress - it is very small but it is there. I do have really, really tough days and nights (mostly nights) but I am starting to sleep more and have less nightmares. The downside to the meds is that I am really tired and sleep often during the day but I can 'put up' with that if the nights continue to improve.

The onset of winter (and it getting dark earlier) really set me back a long way - but I am slowly starting to work on some routines that allowme to cope with that a little better - I take my meds earlier and feed my fur babies and get dinner etc, when it starts to get dark.I have also been taking photos of thesunset to post to F&H when it has been a nice night sky - that takes my mind off the darkness and I can concentrate simply on the beauty of nature - the little things are helping.

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Zoe7@Shaz51@outlander

It is good to have messges - I am beginning to feel more in touch again now

Zoe -  I never got on with my mother but only a few days after my honeymoon was over I ordered a furniture mover and my then-h and I had found a place to live and it was a Saturday afternoon and we were set to move into our own place

My mother said she was going out and told me to put a roast on - and I turned and told her that we had organised everything to move and she threw a tantrum telling me that this house was no longer my home and to never come there unless I was invited. Things broke between us as they did between you and your mother and it took years to patch up only to break again and this happened over and over again and now she has gone I honestly believe I was not at fault - and I understand how hard things must have been for you too

We do not need someone picking at us and telling us our faults constantly - I have no idea what good purpose that could prove. Actually one of my faults was being argumentative - but I remember not arguing - but I did indeed push my point when I had to. I could go on and on but I am just saying I get what you have written here - and the same goes for sisters too.

I guess we can all complain - but really - there is a difference between sharing a common unhappiness and picking at us or at someone else - it can be painful listen to

As far as winter is concerned we are past the shortest day now and the sun is rising a little earlier and setting a little later and soon we will notice the difference. I always do but that might be the angle of my unit - in the morning when I start working on my computer I notice the sun shining in the window earlier and longer and in the evenings I can see it in my bedroom - later and longer - I am always glad to pass the shortest day. The gloomy days are harder - and it seems gloomy atm.

But I will be thinking of you - and taking photos of the sunset will take your mind of the darkness within and concentrate on the beauty of nature 

These things are wonderful - I watch for spring every year - it almost makes winter worthwhile

I heard the magpies a few mornings ago - that was fantastic - and I love their song. My son used to call them the "Orkle-Arkle Birds"

Dec

[outlander]

@Owlunar
I hope you toe is getting better. Sounds really painful but hopefully that has fixed the problem for good now?

It sounds positive that your able to go and visit your relatives when all of the stuff has died down.
I know around now is quite difficult for you , and as Zoe has said we get it. Make sure you take care of yourself.

I hope you enojoy your time away at Lakes Entrance, it sounds like a special place for you and like a very beautiful one at that.

Ringing you American counsins sounds like another good idea too. I hope your able to do that soon.

[Owlunar]

Hi @outlander

Yes - my toe was worse than I thought it was - it had broken away from the nail bed and the new nail was growing up and pushing the old nail into the wrong places - and it could happen again but they will treat it earlier next time

I wrote a draft to my rellies - I was able to look up a lot of what was happening on the internet but I don't want to let them know that I did that - not that I was sneaking but I didn't realise how serious it was - and it's not their fault - which makes me steam a bit - but I can go and see them when it's all over

It would be good to speak to my cousins - and my other uncle - I am planning to do that in bitznpiecez - not all on the one day - life does tend to go on and on,

I have been cooking more interesting food - like stir-fry and thick soup and little casseroles and making enough for two nights - this is interesting and I am thinking up new ideas - I used to like cooking but find it boring cooking for one - but these stir-fries can be interesting - and sometimes a little "different".

I am looking forward to getting away for a few days - I will get a bunch of books in case it rains - and a good raincoat -

I overheard an old lady who had the worse holiday ever - aw - she went on and on - I get it that she had to rant away cause she lives on her own too - but it rained on her holiday and the lights went out and I heard it over and over and I had to leave and go home - honestly - but I understood how she felt - aw - I was sorry for her - but

I go away prepared for bad weather - and mostly I have good weather - 

Dec

[outlander]

@Owlunar wow thats really bad! I hope it doesnt do that again! Ouch!

I hope everything dies down for you rellies soon.
And everything will be ok for them.

Oh yes im sure your convos will go for quite a while for each person so doing it in pieces sounds like a good idea.

Ive created a baking/cooking thread feel free to put those recipies on there and get ideas off others as well.

I hope the weather stays good when you go but if not relaxing and reading some good books sounds nice too. Do you like art? Maybe you could do some artworks too?

[Former-Member]

Thinking of you @Dec, hhope you're ok? Whatcha get up to today?

[Former-Member]

Hi @Owlunar, you online? I just need someone to talk to about my back pain today. I can hardly walk. I woke up with it (usually resting helps) but this is bad. Despite being different pain the Dr won't rpt CT or X'Ray of lower back (since 2010) because she says its "chronic" - I don't understand that attitude. I know I need to go to a specialist, and a pain clinic (as you've suggested) but it comes an goes and, well, I don't have faith in them esp their attitude that 'drugs / pharmaceuticals are the ONLY answer).

BACK TO PRESENT MOMENT
But today, what to do? When I got up - agony! Trouble weigh bearing Rt foot, held furniture all the way to toot, trouble (pain) sitting, tears. Let dog out, put kettle on but too much pain to wait for kettle to boil. Back to bed (laying still not so bad) but even sittingbon edge of bed, twisting to lay down and lifting legs all hurt like hell. I went to bed with heat packs last night, and pain meds.

Normally a night resting fixxes it but this morning its worse! So much worsevi am considering asking an ambulance to drive me to hospital. Its embarrassing. Do I just self manage? I worry about dropping heavy pain meds and staying in bed all day on my own. I did a full days work yesterday. normally only do half, which may been too much (over did it perhaps). They have the attitude there that 'everyone has back pain'

I am worried how I'm gonna keep looking after myself. I really want a cuppa and probably should have breakfast and psych pills, but (now I'm crying) too painful to move. I don't know what to do. Thought maybe chat here might spur me to try harder, figure out what to do. I'm not sure if its safe to drive, or bad enough for ambulance and I don't have family or anyone close to ask. Help. I know you will understand Dec.

Guess I'll try get up again 😨😲 for my morning cuppa, take something strong. then take myself into town somehow.

Suppose to go stay with mum a few days, tomorrow!! Got time off work & all. Ha, that's not gonna happen (could all this be psychosomatic because its so distressing being in that house?), who knows? I think I over did it yesterday and it will settle. Here's hoping.

Thanks for giving me avplace to process the above. Please drop me a msg if you get time. Feel more alone Luke this. Crying again. Bit gonna down screen and try get breakfast again. Ohhh, ouchy, don't wanna...helpsy...