Life can be a Pain

[Shaz51]

What I like is sweetest when treated well - dangerous if provoked-- that is me to a tee too @Owlunar

are you allowed to take medication for the diabetes-- yes but ar a lower dose than normal because of the kidney

my filters of the kidney is not working the way they should , so all the toxins and waste instead of going down the toilet , they are release into my blood stream which causes other problems such as diabetes, scoliosis and many many more

that is why at the moment I need to drink lots and lots of water to flash the toxins out , the balance is the biggest thing to control

like having protein but not too much , same as salt, sugar , everything

same as exercise , just enough is good but to do too much and ypu get lots of aches and pains

 chocolate flavoured broccoli = I love it

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Zoe7

Things are working themselves out with a bit of a shove here and there and waiting until time passes with other issues

The Cat - yes - tough stuff - animals hide their health issues - I remember the strange conversation I had with the vet about my son's cat - he thought she was having 

psychological issues because he was in prison - all these years later I am still wondering about that one - but I never let my animals suffer

So I am waiting to see

About the costs of a therapist - I can pay but I think it's excessive - to me it would feel as if I was supporting something that was preying on people who really need the services and find it hard to pay - and medicare isn't supportive either - I feel that I will get proactive when my own life is sorted out - I have enough to think about and actually I am thinking about this issue too but not ready to act yet

And yes - pruning noxious weeds when I had a broken blister on my hand - not good - the sores are healing but I wonder how long it will take to get the beta dine stains out of my skin - actually that is the least of my problems

Beautiful weather in Melbourne but soooooooooo noisy - 

Dec

[utopia]

Such a hard decision about your cat @Owlunar. Won't be easy. 

[Zoe7]

The day started out bright and sunny here @Owlunar but has been quite overcast for most of the day since. I am extremely tired and I know it is the pressures of work again - so wondering if I can cope with this at all. Just trying to get through today for now and then get onto the planning again - I am sure once that is done I will feel a little better.

Those who can't afford it are so often left behind in the system we have here. There are some services that would really benefit some people - DBT is one I can think of for some members on here - but unless you have the right cover or live in the right area it is often difficult (or impossible) to access. Money should not be the determining factor for everyone to get the help they deserve but it is so often the case.

Money is an issue for me now and I need to work to cover the bills - but knowing how difficult that is for me is adding to my worry. I know if it wasn't for needing to be paid I could take more time to become both mentally and physically stronger - but it is what it is and I need to get through it for the next 5 weeks.

I know the feeling of not letting your pets suffer - it is a very hard decision to make - when is the right time, are they suffering or showing visible signs of pain - so hard to tell in our beloved animals as they can't always tell us when that is the case. I am sure you will do the right thing by companion cat when the time is right Dec 

[Owlunar]

@Zoe7@utopia

Hi ladies - Companion Cat has settled down and is behaving herself - I am hoping this will last but I might talk to the vet about getting her teeth cleaned earlier - maybe she does have toothache but cats normally rub at the side of their face with paw if they have toothache but it is a puzzle and one I can't solve myself so tomorrow I will ring the vet

I don't think the cat's in any pain - she doesn't show any sign of it - I massaged her all over last night and apart from a bit of tale-thumping she seemed okay - so I think I need to get this checked and maybe she does have a niggly tooth - and maybe she has grumpy days - maybe she has a form of feline dementia - ooohhh - it might just be time to let the cat go as I am having trouble managing her regardless - I take her to the vet to get her claws clipped and have her worm pill and spot-on because I just can't handle her anymore - and the litter tray is a problem for my back and one I need to attend to at least once a day and - alas - she misses the tray sometimes and need I say more

Vary hard decision and today I have my sweet kitty back and hopefully I will feel better if I see the vet

But I feel okay - that is a good thing - and I need to sort out a postal vote tomorrow - I read I can organise that for every election - I don't mind going out to vote but I can never be sure of the weather

Tomorrow is the start of a new week - that is always a good feeling - 

And I think I can have a hair cut too - that is always good

Dec

Ah yes Zoe - I am glad you have a user-friendly therapist - so many people do not and I am finding it hard to find someone reliable - and the last one I saw made me think a whole lot - how do we know in advance if the therapist is worth the large amount of money we need to pay? I actually found a place in Melbourne that charges $40.00 per session for grief and loss counselling - it sounds reasonable - and travelling into the city could mean a good day out - I am thinking about this

And I hope you can find work too - you need money - we all need money - we need it to get by

[Zoe7]

It could still be a sore tooth @Owlunar My sister's cat had a a couple of teeth removed and she seemed much happier afterwards. A much clearer sign is usually if they are not eating. It is good to have your old cat back even if it is just for the time being - and talking to the vet is a good idea - they msy have a much better idea of what is causing the problems.

The grief and loss therapist you have found sounds like a good option - I suppose you will only know if they are the right fit for what you need if you give it a go. My psych I know already from previous experience with her so I know what to expect - we have also discussed that it will be therapy based on my terms so I can handle it and our discussions will only go where I am comfortable for it to go - I need that right now and no extra added pressure to work through the things that are too painful.

[Owlunar]

Your right @Zoe7

I don't want to make a decision about the cat but I already have a prior decision made - I never let my animals suffer

It seems almost a unique idea that we take charge of the discussion when we see a therapist - we go to attend to issues we have on our mind - not always needing to dig up the past - really - I do not want to talk about my mother in any more than surface issues - I think I am old enough to know what happened and how I feel about it and I don't need to dig it all up and hash through it again - 

A few weeks ago I felt really unsettled when I had two people needing surgery and got the email from my cousin about my uncle's failing health and I couldn't quite handle that - but I recollect that ringing this last therapist meant I was getting some kind of answering and appointment service that took too long to answer and it was over a week before I got through and then I had three weeks before I could get an appointment and I found about about the high cost of a deposit and again cancellation fees and I thought - this is all wrong

I am good writing letters - I have a long history of writing to politicans and newpaper editors - I have gone out and demonstrated and yes - we can all do something about something and sometimes we can change things and even if we don't we have moved ourselves around a bit and made a noise. I feel pretty cheesed off that it costs so much money to see a therapist  and even the good ones I had moved interstate so it's something I am up in arms about. And it will be harder to deal with but I forget what exactly Medicare contributes - but it's 10 sessions are year at $80.00/$85.00 rebate per visit which means there is a large amount still to be paid by the client

And we are clients - being a patient seems to put us in a helpless conditon but being clients puts us in a position of power - we pay them and we pay them a lot so we do have something to say about what we pay and what we talk about

Having studied so much through my life has given me an idea I know more than my GP even - maybe not about medicine but generally - and I have an opinion supported by knowledge and I still think that a person needs to be/should be - in charge of their therapy - if emotionally able - 

I have a soap-box mentality - perhaps I should put it away for a moment - but it has been on my mind and I feel better writing about it

Thanks for putting up with me Zoe - I can rattle on at times

Dec

[Zoe7]

There is no putting up with you at all here @Owlunar You are speaking what is on your mind and that is a great trait to have as you can share both your thoughts and your knowledge here. Sometimes it is essential for us to convey to others what e are thinking and feeling and this is a wonderful place to be able to do both - so don't ever think your are burdening nyone or rsttling on - you are giving as much as you get and sharing as much as receiving - again...all great things to contribute here.

Yes the expense of therapists can be high but there are also some that help out when clients can't afford to pay - I am lucky that that is happening for me at the moment - my psychologist is presently bulk billing and that means I can continue to see her fortnightly. She knows my financial position and also my history so doing that is helping greatly. I am not sure where the sessions ith her will lead but I do know she is in my corner and that means so much. What I need now is support to get through this work situation and I am hoping I can talk through the things I am struggling with on that front with her - that is the aim anyway.

I hear what you are saying about companion cat - I could never see an animal suffer either - we have had several family pets over the last year or so that have had to be put to sleep - and each time it was a decision that had to be made quickly - it is heartwrenching but necessary. The distance for me from those pets made it easier to deal with but I know it would be so much harder with my own. My first cat went to sleep of her own but I knew it was time also - she did not suffer but passed away in my arms - so hard to deal with but at least she was at peace.

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Zoe7

I do like sharing my thoughts and opinions - and I like hearing other people's thoughts and opinions - and I like the silence of the night as well - I don't mind being alone- actually I like it

Today Companion Cat is well - maybe she had a virus of some kind - who knows - so for now I will watch her and see how she goes - I am just so grateful for her improvement and wonder if the massages I have given her have helped in some way - pretty sure they do help actually - I know how to massage human at relaxation level - a year of serious study - massaging the cat is wonderfully easy compared with that and the whole massage process is really pleasant too

I am not planning to go away at the time being - not with my daughter needing surgery - there is very little I can do for her - like me she tends to prefer to be alone - I have accepted that's what she likes - and I sure prefer it myself

I have had the chance to think about being alone lately - I am used to it - I have learned to like it and I always have enough to do - and I enjoy what I do.

I saw a movie I have only seen once before a long time ago - it was last night - amazingly this film was one someone warned me away from seeing because I might have been triggered - but I got a videotape anyway and watched it alone and remember thinking at the time that well-meaning people can miss the mark by a long chalk - the main line of the story is how threatened people can be by someone who thinks outside the box - the rough part of the movie was how the establishment - the powers that be - have so much power to keep people's thinking "right" and "controlled" thoughts. That was the tough part of the movie - not the teenage suicide.

I guess my degree in literature has taught me to see past that - it's not the best movie I have even seen but far from the worst - I will watch it again and probably again and find what else is there - Oh yeah - the movie is The Dead Poets Society - a subversive organisation in a exclusive boys' boarding school. And Robin Williams does play radical roles

For you - I am so glad that your therapist is in your corner and has your back - is makes such a difference - we do need to be in control of what we are prepared to discuss - really - I think back now to a day a few years back when we kept talking about something I didn't want to - we got stuck there - and this person was an empathetic person too - I have learned a lot since then

And for now I will go on alone as it has been working for a long time - maybe I will sort out someone different but I am not in a hurry when Life Line is a phone call away. I have learned so much through my life - I believe I have had a successful life to my own standards - and it has been full of extensive experiences - learning curves - at least - that's how I see it and that is important

Also I have a wealth of events of all sorts to share - somewhere I have won the battle with the demons - not that they can't get up and walk around now and again - but they are okay - they have their own energy - but so do I - and I think I have learned a lot about them as well

Thanks Zoe

Dec

[Zoe7]

I have seen Dead Poet's Society a few times @Owlunar and I actually like it a lot. Robin Williams was great in it - he was great in most things though - such a loss to the world but just like him we never know when enough is enough and there seems no way out... been there quite a few times over the last couple of years but somehow got through it - sometimes by luck more than design!

I am much like you - I like being alone - a lot of it is because I don't trust people but I am always on guard around other people too. The irony of that is I love teaching the kids and feel comfortable doing that job - I suppose it is because they are innocent and still have so much life and energy and potential.

Has your daughter seen the surgeon yet? What was the outcome if she has?

I like that you say Lifeline is only a phone call away - it shows you know yourself well and will utilise that resource if needed. We don't all need constant therapy - sometimes we need to listen to ourselves and call on our own reserves to get through - you seem to do that very well - and as you say... you have a wealth of experience to draw on and know yourself best.

I had an okay day today - the lesson could have went better but I felt like I was given a little more space to actually teach today - it is all a learning curve for me again after being away for so long so there are bound to be mistakes and things I could do better.