Life can be a Pain

[MDT]

Hey @Owlunar cheers for the tag my friend
had a wild day today - news of cuts in other places in our offices elsewhere in the world, but we are spared. Bad news is that our shifts are way longer. Glad I am handling it okay tbh and i'm proud of myself. My partner said this to me tonight too so that was also encouraging. The amount of changes I have made and things I have pushed through. Even I am proud of my self.

Meanwhile I'm also realising the influences of parents in my life and how this has undermined my own self belief. It is a complex thing tbh. But it has taken moving out to realise it. None of it was intentional, but i think a lot of it was generational.

I feel freer as a result I must say.

I am glad to hear you are feeling supported and safe here. IT's why i keep coming back for sure.

[EternalFlower]

@Owlunar thank you! @Zoe7 as well

It sucks when people dont respect others and realise the impact. Reminding them does work! I do that sometimes when people mispronounce my name, i say its not an australian name, and it makes them more csreful.

This is a nice group here @Decadian @tyme @Shaz51 

[Owlunar]

@Appleblossom 

Hi Apple

Sink or swim - if it rains I play in the puddles - and in autumn kick my way through the autumn leaves - I have noticed the liquid ambers are bright red right now - beautiful - something glorious to look at when I am waiting for a bus - 

Plants yes - and other people's dogs - people love it when we admire their dogs - and of course - birds - all the sparrows have gone - I guess you know that - it's ages since I saw one and I checked this out on-line - people aren't feeding them as we used to because of the rats I guess.

Oh yes - and young mothers with babies in prams love a chat - I think we are all chattier since the lockdowns - good too.

You've seen some aged care palaces - I love that expression - and know they vary - I used to sing in a church choir and every Christmas we went around the local hospitals and aged care places to sing carols - ah - the golden oldies - singing them several times every Christmas was something to experience. There was one place I could not enter because it would trigger my asthma - and a couple of the younger people would join me outside - I was actually providing a service for them - enough said.

I have taken a stand - after all - burning my arm was an accident that could have happened to anyone - I certainly wasn't careless - the ED's are full of people who have accidents - I was there with my kids often when they were young - ah - wasn't everyone.

I am very vocal tonight - I am in a good frame of mind - my call to Lifeline really helped - 

All the best Apple

Owlunar

[Owlunar]

Thanks @EternalFlower 

My surname is Irish and gets mispronounced often too - I correct people when I feel like it - 

We do need to be assertive - this way we feel better about ourselves and the world in general - and we remind people of minding their manners - most people are decent anyway 

Owlunar

[Eve7]

My admission was for mh reasons @Owlunar but it took a couple of weeks to get a bed so it wasn’t really an emergency.

I did live alone but S1 is with me for now which is ok for the time being. I’ve been looking at campervans so I can run away. It’s either now or never….

[Oaktree]

@Owlunar 

Thanks so much for the lovely welcome!

I really do need a Mumma, my own Mother rejected me due to my mental illness. She says that it’s too hard. I haven’t spoken to her for 17 years but I did steal her address from my Aunt and wrote to her asking for contact. I got crickets. Her loss I guess. I would never do that to my kids. I love them no matter what. It’s not like mental illness is a choice. Anyway will you adopt me? I am 52 so you really could be my Mother.

Meggle

[Zoe7]

@Owlunar @EternalFlower 💖 and everyone else here ....still suffering the effects of concussion so can't focus so just sending love to all 💖

[Owlunar]

Hi @Oaktree 

Of course - I can be your Mumma - I am happy to be - I had a poor relationship with my mother too so I really understand.

My issues with my parents centered around my adopted son who had a lot of problems - if you read a little of my recent posts you will have read that my son died - and my parents were horrible about it. Actually - I have a telehealth appointment already with a psychologist. I know this will help.

Your mother found your MH too hard - that is a bitter twist. I really care about that - sometimes we have to set up boundaries for the sake of our mental health - and I did - but it's never easy

All the best today

Mumma Bear

Owlunar

[Appleblossom]

@Owlunar Good to see you being more vocal and feeling better.

Last night the topic of aged care homes came up and I brought up your scenario.  They really are not for everyone.  I did not have a strong opinion about them for myself, but maybe I will resist them, as my tendency to comply and give my power away, might mean I reduce my sense of self and options too easily.  I usually do better on my own, but do need company, and value yours.

I have mostly socialised with people older than me 10-20 years.  @EternalFlower Sometimes it is good as they can be more understanding...

[Owlunar]

@Appleblossom 

Hi Apple

I've had a long think about this - it's really important to maintain our boundaries and keep our power. We need to keep the right to our choices - without these things were are just blown about by the wind at the desires of others - and that's not right.

Of course other people are delighted when we comply - they get their own way - they are please - they think they have you right where they want you and that's not right. 

All the time a person is simply complying for the sake of peace at any price is at a disadvantage and possibly seething - I won't do that - I have found it to be uncomfortable sometimes - in life I have moved on from unpopular attitudes - yes - I speak out and sometimes it works - sometimes it doesn't.

My attitude for speaking up for my rights is that if other people don't like it - then it's their problem.

Hard though - who wants to be unpopular? Still - the bottom line is how do I like myself? - giving into another person over a triviality is civil - and can make the path a little easier - it depends on a case-by-case basis - a bit of give and take - assertive people know their boundaries and can yield.

When it comes to the important stuff we need to stand up and speak out - what happens after than is up to other people - 

But I feel better about myself for speaking my mind.

When it comes to family it's harder - my mother was often so wrong - but adamant she was the only one who was right - looking back she was a sorry case - and I stood up to her and got plenty of practice - it was hard though.

And hard with my daughter - I am grieving another loss - right now I have no desire to talk to her - after all - it's really hard to let someone we love know we feel we have been treated with disrespect. I will have to say this to her at some time - I don't know when.

I am no door mat - even the dog's body runs over the door mat - I have allowed her to be politely rude long enough - yes - she is battling chronic pain now too - and maybe she is scared out of her wits about it - knowing I have had it for - sheesh - decades.

Boundaries - yes - we need them - we need to define them for ourselves - and let those who intrude that they have.

It takes time and awareness - wow - best of luck - it's worth the effort though - I truly believe

All the best

Owlunar