Life can be a Pain

[Owlunar]

Hi again @Zoe7 and @Shaz51

Thanks so much - 

My daughter was born too soon and it took her a long time to thrive - she was born at 8 months and had a good weight but she had an immature liver and was one of the first babies in Australia to have photo-therapy - and she was touch and go for a while - and she hates hearing about this and doesn't like being a miracle - this is strange to me because I am happy to be hear regardless my ancestry and beginnings - but this is the way she is and I love her

I can understand the need for privacy though - I don't share much and my mother - aw - she would usually take everything the wrong way - and was do adept at this gift of chronic misunderstanding I kept away from her most of the time - sometimes for years on end

But the good thing is my daughter and I have a good relationship most of the time and it's getting better

Dec

[Zoe7]

It is great that you and your daughter have a good relationship @Owlunar - my mother and i aren't particularly close although I know she wishes we were closer. She 'annoys' me so  much that it makes it hard to spend time with her...I am always waiting for her to 'have a go' at something or there is a 'drama' that she won't deal with herself... makes it very hard to have a close relationship also when I blame her still for so much. I do know she has done everything she could for my sister and I but that mental psin is still there.

I suppose I understand a little about that fractured relationship you have with your mother - it is hard at times and definitely causes a lot of stress.

[Shaz51]

It is great that you and your daughter have a good relationship @Owlunar 

my mum always told me i was miracle, I did not believe her really before but now looked the things It has opened my eyes

[Owlunar]

Hi @Shaz51@Zoe7

It is hard to imagine oneself as a miracle if we have to confront life with a battle to start - I understand Shaz - my mother told me I was two weeks late and I have a weird idea that somehow I knew it was winter and there was a war going on our there and stayed where I was for as long as I could - I don't think I was thought of by my mother as a miracle - I just happened and I think my mother found me to be an inconvenience but the rest of the family was pleased and I have been happy enough to be here

I just hope my daughter is okay - I didn't hear from her yesterday and have learned to let her be - she is not alone though I don't know if her husband is at home with her. 

Yes Zoe - the relationship with my mother fractured at some stage a long time ago - exactly when I am not sure. Things were always awkward between us but I will never know why - perhaps we got off to a bad start - she often told me when I was an adult that I was very studious and they never had to worry about me but they never trusted me either and I have no idea what they thought I would get up to and circumstances drove me away from home as often as I could - I feel sad about this but there was never anything I did to cause it and she had reason to regret her behaviour and I do not feel the least guilty about it now - why should I? 

So yes  graduallly we begin to understand each other - you and I and all of us who have or have had sorry relationships with our mothers and there are many of us. Somehow I feel very lucky that I was able to break away from mine and my sister seemed to want to be up the threads. Lucky her - I do not envy her at all

I am awake in the middle of the night again - it's annoying but I haven't been sleeping at the right time since of have been taking this medication - I fall asleep early in the evening and then wake up really early - I'm really glad I am seeing the doctor today - the last week has been really horrible with the side effects

Catch you later Zoe - Fridays are usually busy days for me - I really need to get out of the house for my assisted shopping but I don't know if I will be able to - luckily I have enough cash to cover shopping is I have to get someone else to do it for me - botheration though - I really need to get out

I will be okay though

Dec

[Former-Member]

Hi @Owlunar,

Yep, when i look in the mirror its hard for me too to "imagine oneself as a miracle" But how hard for you that you "have had to confront life with a battle to start" And that you think your mother treated you as an inconvenience (:( how horrible) A 'fractured' relationship with mothers is so hard.

Sorry you haven't been sleeping right since the new medication - would taking it at a different time help?

Hope you are well enough / up to shopping today, ya gotta get out the house. BIGTIME 'botheration' indeed, if ya can't (I love that old word 'botheration' 👍) 'retail therapy' is so important for us women lol, + sunshine + community...

Catch up later big sista, hugzz ❤❤❤

[Zoe7]

I hope discussing the bp medication today with your GP helps and possibly some changes to help with you sleeping ok again @Owlunar

I also hope you have enough energy to do your shopping - it is so important to have even a little bit of human contact (something I really struggle with even more so these days).

I had quite a bad night so will be keeping Toby very close for added comfort today. I may need to go to the chemist if my headache does not improve soon but hoping I can put that off because I really do not want to go anywhere today.

Will catch you again another time Dec - I do enjoy our 'chats' here 

@Former-Member always nice to see you around too - I hope there is a little light in each day for you 

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member@Shaz51@Zoe7@Faith-and-Hope@utopia

I have had a phone call from my daughter and she is much better - it has been 10 days since her operation and she is still just doing things in short bursts and going back to bed. I was so glad to hear her voice

Laspses - My daughter is the miracle - I wanted a baby so much - so glad I did it - what a tough pregnancy though - contractions nearly all the way through and the rest - it had to be interesting for my son that I was sitting down and playing with him so much but he had no idea why I was - he knew where the baby was though

Yeah - I am sure my mother loved me but had a hard time showing it - and if I was such a difficulty for her why did she continue having more kids - it would have been different had she stopped at one - but then - at least she spread the joy over all of us - 

Time to stop Dec

So far I am feeling better today - I started taking the tablets at night - and it was a broken night but then I fell asleep on the couch watching TV and then tidied the place a bit and went to bed and slept but this waking up through the night could be why I have been falling asleep early - this morning though I went back to sleep and woke up feeling much better - I feel better that my daughter has rung me too - and it's a very warm day today and the sun is shining.

And my cat just had a fight with another cat - she is not going out looking for fights in her old age but she still fights other cats away from the front door - this is her house after all - 

I think I will be well enough to get out of the house today but I am wondering when my domestic help is getting here - I am sure I haven't been notified of any changes but that doesn't mean they don't happen

I thought I had lost this post but it had autosaved - now it's evening and I have been feeling better all day and went to sleep when I got home after a busy time - I got to go out - I don't mind being alone but when I can't get out because of pain or giddiness and head-spins - that is the pits for me. I am always striving toward keeping independent

I mentioned My Aged Care to the nurse when I was at the doctors - it seems to be a faulty and under-funded system - also I had a magazine and read more about it from the consumers' experiences and I am glad I still have a year before I have to involve myself in it - it might work my way and just go away - 

Cya sis - hugs - Dec

[Zoe7]

Just heading off to try to sleep @Owlunar - will read again and respond further tomorrow 

[outlander]

@Owlunar still here for you but not sure what to say. Still following along though ❤

[Owlunar]

I enjoy our chats too @Zoe7

It is important to have some human contact - it's the right thing for our mental health - our brains need other people's brains - I saw a series of TV docos on the brain and this came up at some stage and I agree

So I had two hours of domestic and seeing as the girl was ironing we could chat - she said I am always cheerful and that was good to hear - I have been feeling so much better today - my daughter rang - she is recovering - and taking my BP medication at night seems to be working better for me and the doctor told me I will be taking that for life unless I can reduce the BP naturally - I will try that - eating some foods that are supposed to help - including dark chocolate - I got some of that today

Although I was only at the vet and the supermarket I felt so much better - I had to get cat food and I enjoy chatting with the girls there - the woman who took me shopping is gathering the idea I don't like discussing my purchases - I have started just looking and nodding and saying nothing. I think it's normal not wanting to explain ourselves - it actually irritates me quite a bit

I understand that you are struggling more with the lack of human contact atm - I found it tough during the past week - it can be really hard when we are in pain or stress is bad. Headaches - stomach cramps - whatever it is - for me right now my legs seem to be getting easier to get on with and I hope my knees get over themselves

I am so glad you have Toby and your fluff ball - but it seems Toby is like Companion Cat - he really understands you as my cat and I are on the same wave length - I hope your headace eased off and you didn't have to go out today

Really - this past week it really helped that I opened up in the forum - this is a form of social contact - I am careful of what I read to keep away from things that trigger - when I am not well  - it's better that way but I have been in contact with a few forum members which has been helpful for me - and not a drain

I hope you get a reasonable sleep tonight - it was be a best to be awake during the night - I have pulled out a few Dannielle Steele novels - are yes - I know who will do what before I start a book I have never read quite often but she tells hopeful fiction

All the best Zoe

Dec