Life can be a Pain

[Owlunar]

Hi @Appleblossom

You are right - special rituals take a lot of emotional energy right at a time when I can least afford the energy - and I don't forget anyone - at all

I don't do anything about my son's anniversary either - I think of him everyday and every anniversary is another year past and this lost child has so many memories attached to him - I like to remember his last birthday when my daughter and I worked together to get him a jacket from disposals and sew Heavy Metals pics on it - and he was thrilled to bits with that jacket - he really was

But it was a strange thing - on my parents' wedding anniversary I missed my Dad a lot but not my mother - and he has been gone longer. I used to be the chip off the old block now I am the proud being called the old block I think

Thanks Apple

Dec

[Owlunar]

Thanks for your thoughts @Sophia1

There are times when it is very important to nurture ourselves - my opinion is that if we don't do this self-nurturing we might miss out entiredly - and doing the self-nurturing trick means we can please ourselves entirely - or as far as physically and financially possible

Mmm - yes - I do allow myself this time at this time of year - from my cousin's death and my parents' wedding anniversary until the my son's death in the middle of July - about three weeks - I have so many anniversaries and birthdays it like a party of land-mines and Christmas Trees - and I do allow myself the insight and vision I guess - to endure the process rather than try and push it away - and likely this works for me - there are a lot of triggers about - amazing that - I managed to find really weepy parts in two long Dannielle Steel books

What fun - snuffle-snuffle, weep-weep and cleaning my glasses over and over and getting back to the weepy parts - and I felt better both times this happened - so glad it did - I think it's a highly recommend catharthis - but perhaps not for everyone

But it was tough not being able to answer anyone's post - I could read what was in the forum from the outside - 

And whatever I do - I find that it can take a lot of strength to get though but I do - I don't know why anniversaries cause so much anguish because the worst is over - but they do hurt

Your thoughts are appreciated

Dec

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Zoe7

It was horrible not having the internet - and at this time of the year too - I missed everyone so much - and individually as well - I am able to read the forum from my phone but can't post

The anniversaries are all over except for my son - and that is the hardest one

I have been thinking of you down there in my favourite part of the world in winter too - I have this fantastic but scary memory of being up on Mount Wellington when a blizzard hit - I have been caught in two of those and know the cold must really bite at this time of year

Thanks again - and it is certainly good to be back

Dec

[Zoe7]

The mountain has been beautiful the last couple of days @Owlunar - covered in snow in the colder weather. I have a good view from my backyard and although it is cold here at the moment it is lovely to see the mountain like it is. 

I have been keeping warm and although I have been a bit achy and sniffly so far I seem to be fighting off any further cold this winter. It has been so cold this week that even Toby and Cat do not want to go outside - they are very spoilt little fur babies lol

I know you have a lot to deal with around your son's anniversary and so am glad you are back online and can have support from us here - I know you know this but I will re-iterate - we are onlly a tag away if you need the company Dec.

Hugs 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Owlunar, its soooooo good to see you.  I get an inner panic thinking i've lost you too 💔❤.  Did you say YOU had a Birthday this last week?  Sorry we missed it. 

H 😁 P P Y.  

B E L A T E D

B🎉R T 🎂 D A Y  !

or did i get that wrong  (ŏ_ŏ)

Its nice you say u love me but hard to receive.  You're good to me ~ thank you 😢💝. Love you too my forum big sister ❤ 

Back later ❤❤❤

[Former-Member]

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Zoe7 good 2CU❤

[Zoe7]

Always good to see you @Former-Member - love your new avatar - very cute 

How are you travelling - have seen you haven't been doing so well - has today been any better?

[Former-Member]

  Thanks @Zoe7 you're the first one to comment on my avatar change.  I thought it a little more quirky than timid. I'm different B-) lol.

How am I? - mostly tired, ta for asking but steady. Had bouts of strong suicidal thoughts there for couple months but its eased back atm.  What aboit you?   Just gotta get through winter ʕ•ﻌ•ʔ

[Zoe7]

I am trying to stay rugged up and warm and also trying to avoid anyone that is sick - I can't afford to get sick again myself - that is when I start going downhill again @Former-Member. I even sit away from the main waiting room at the GP's to avoid any bugs 

I am doind okay today - had a complete rest day - haven't even got out of my jammies - but I did need it. Toby and I have been snuggled up on the couch watching some shows I had recorded previously - dozing every now and then when I needed it. It has been a relaxing day.