Life can be a Pain

[EternalFlame]

@Decadian I certainly understand you here.

I know what you're going through, as I'm going through a similar situation.

My mother died last year and I'm still coming to terms with her loss. My mother was abusive too, and she has done a lot of emotional and psychological damage to me. 

Because of the abuse I suffered as a child, I am now suffering from Anxiety and Depression, and that in itself are proving to be major challenges for me.

I don't have a good relationship with my sister and her family (whom I'm living with at the moment), and there have been several issues going on between us. I'm actually in big trouble with her at the moment because I stood up for myself and told her off for taking advantage of me, and she's thrown me out of the house for a few days and she's not speaking to me. 

My sister also can't come to terms that I have a mental disorder and she doesn't know how to deal with it. All of it is putting a major strain me and my anxiety is acting up really badly. 

So I completely understand what you're going through right now. 🙂

[NikNik]

Hi @utopia
I totally understand. There have been times that we have moved words off that list (eg: we took 'blood' off the list) For us we take into consideration the the amount of other non risk related contexts and the likelihood of those other contexts being used. In instances where it's more likely that a word on that list would be used in a safe context , rather than a risk context, we take it off the list.
We will be revising the list soon, so I will put this word on the radar to review.

Thanks for raising this 🙂

[utopia]

Thanks @NikNik. Was really a joke about how hard you make my brain have to work to find an alternative. Obviously didn't translate well. Lol.

[NikNik]

LOL I'm here to help @utopia ! 😆

[Owlunar]

Thanks @EternalFlame

I appreciate your understanding - I have had wonderful support here - and I do hope you are finding the same - it is hard when someone close to us has been hard to get along with dies - so much is left unresolved and even though it's nearly 3.5 years since my mother died there are times when I think of something I wish I could explain to her - but she's gone - and the chance is good she wouldn't listen - at the end I think she was past understanding - but that's another story

I have had reactive depression but still experience anxiety - our mother's voice is the first one we hear and it is really hard to erase the DVDs in our heads - nag - nag - nagitty - nag - and most of the time I had no idea what I had done wrong - today it has occurred to me to wonder if she knew herself or was just picking

Your sister has thrown you out of the house - ahhhhhhhhhh - that sounds drastic - I hope you have found somewhere else to live for the duration - I am sorry she doesn't understand your emotional discomfort - or at least she could accept that you have it even if she doesn't understand - aw - discrimination can take all sorts of shapes and states.

My sister - she told me that in the past the family drove me away because I did strange things they didn't understand - ah - wrong - I decided I could make my own choices and didn't need their permission and what they might think was strange might now - most likely - was not wrong

Ahhhhhhh - families - painful - I'm glad you stood up to your sister and sorry the back-lash has been exclusion and her playing no-talkies - it's not reasonable - time she grew up

I am glad you understand - although my mother and sister are not top of the list of my issues today I have a few things going on right now and feel tender so you post is a blessing

Thanks - Dec/Decadian

[EternalFlame]

Thanks @Owlunar

I know all about trying to get my mother's condoning voice out of my head. Your parents are a part of you, no matter what, that's why it can be so difficult to deal their drama and abuse that may have happened years ago. 

I feel like, after my mother passed away, that all of the feelings and emotions that I was repressing were dredged up to the surface once more, and that sent me off into the deep-end again. I had a lot of unresolved issues with my mother and her side of the family, and some of those issues are now being exposed between my self and my sister who I'm having the argument with. 

Don't worry, I'm at my Father's place for this week. She's said her piece, and I've replied with my piece, so I'm waiting for her response. I've let it all out in the open now, so it's up to her to choose whether or not she will be accepting of me. But if she doesn't accept, then I'm not going to continue to waste my time with her. It's just too much of an energy drain for me. 

And I'm glad you could get some comfort out of my post. 🙂 

[Owlunar]

Hi @EternalFlame

Yes- what you have written has been very helpful - I had my repressed memories come up at my mother's funeral - dredged up - like the mud that comes up from the bottom when dredging goes on - for the betterment of the environment - but repressed memories were there and sometimes felt for a long time - I knew I had something down there inside me - like a land-mine - and hearing my rellies talk about the sweet little old lady who had scarred me was wrong and I wanted to run out of the chapel and vomit but my sister-in-law and her husband held me down

I ended up in a General Hospital that night - most inappropriate - I had found it hard to eat after my mother died and I had low BP and low blood sugar and fainted dramaticaly - and the whole thing was a shambles

It's good that you can stay with your father right now - I don't know enough about you to know if staying with him is a good thing or not - but then it comes to sisters mine is downright toxic and I long ago decided she was to vexatious a spirit for me to have her in my life. We have to see each other from time to time because we have an entended family with several aunts and uncles - all elderly - and they are falling off the tree one-by-one but when one of my aunts died a couple of years back my sister had not told me about it - and at the funeral I chose not to speak to my sister and she was glaring at me - strange I thought - it's okay for her not to speak to me but how dare I not speak to her.

So - if you want to go on sharing about this I am with you - it's often helpful just to write my thoughts and have replies that are sensitive is a good thing - take you time though - there is no rush and you are not alone - I am not alone - and there are other people here with the same stuff - or similar stuff

Sending my best thoughts

Dec

[Owlunar]

I have been in the forum for hours now and I am going to bed but before I do

My daughter is much better - we are going to her place on Sunday for a "makings provided to make your own sandwich" lunch - it's Mothers Day for my daughter and me - and I haven't seen my daughter since before Easter because she has been so ill - and I discussed this with her - she had been exhausted and was even going to sleep when her visitors dropped in - 

I would not do that - drop in - since my daughter went back to work after my grand-daughter was old enough for school I have not thought it appropriate to drop in but we text a lot and have spoken

So I would like to thank everyone for their support while she was ill

I still have not heard anything from my Tassie relatives

About the account for a missed appointment from my psychologist - I told my doctor on Friday evening that I had received an answer and the debt would not be followed up - and he said that could be because I wrote instead of ignoring the invoice - and this would bear and intent or could bear an intent - that I might have followed this up with the Medical Board - which I might have done had I thought of it

Anyway - though I still have more issues to deal with - I have cleared some of them up - and life does go on - but thanks everyone

And now I am going to bed feeling very tired - I will catch up with names etc in the morning

Dec

[Former-Member]

Hi @Owlunar, glad your girl is much better & youre spending Sunday together. Enjoy that time, love love love... ❤

I'm glad your doctor is so good with you / supportive ❤

flowers for you ❤

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

I looked through some of the great artists for a suitable pic for you - I love the pic you have posted here so I want to find a wonderful one for you - I'm trying but so often they are little

That's better than the others - I really love this picture - I really love Constable's paintings

I will enjoy tomorrow with my family - my daughter is recovering - I know your girl has gone and there is nothing to heal that wound within you - I can promise that it will be easier in time - maybe your son will mature as years pass and be a little more less involved with himself and the way he thinks the world should be - I guess he lost his real, true love a couple of years back and I understand a lot - but what can we say

You tried to involve your sibs - they are not into it - and that is there problem - I guess they are stuck in the ruts of their own lives anyway and although you life has not been pleasant you have lived yours -

I know - the first Mother's Day without your mother - maybe that shifts in importance from day to day with  you but yes - this is something to come to and live through and pass - 

I will be thinking of you and your Dad tomorrow and I will love, love, love my girl - 

Dec