Life can be a Pain

[Owlunar]

Yes @utopia - it is a small world

And we just know suffering - and maybe it's working through our anguish that we are able to identify with someone else's - I don't know - I just know that I care for people

I remember how hard it was to pick up my life after my son died - I think it was spring - we thought we would buy a new house - this never happened - my car had been damaged and I couldn't drive because of my shoulder - it was some time before I could drive but I did go back to the university and my private tutoring. I don't know how I went on but I think I gradually did a little more each week - I had to have an operation on my shoulder though and it wasn't until then that I started to get myself together as best I could

So - it took over a year really and even then it was just a start so I have an idea picking up what needs to be done will be hard - my only solid suggestion is to start small and don't give yourself if you don't make your daily plans work out - I've been where you are but yeah - the darkness in our past draws us together in ways we don't really understand - but I get it - I do

Today I am not getting it together - I have a splitting headache - not a migraine as I had yesterday - but I am really tired as if I have had enough - yet I know I will give myself space to continue - the recognition of how my uncle has been there when my parents were not has triggered off the past - not just how great my uncle was but how rotten my parents behaviour was - 

I get what you are saying Utopia - it will not be easy for you - this I understand and I think of you each day - tough stuff indeed

Dec

[utopia]

Hugs @Owlunar. I hope the headache eases soon

[Former-Member]

Yikes! @Owlunar waking up to excruciating. back pain - #10 :(... ... How did you manage? Did you lay wrong or over do it!?? How is it today? // Glad the dentist worked out. Glad you're happy with your smile now - enigmatic 🙂 A "really gentle dentist" - wonderful! // Sorry about your uncle (more important to you than your parents - wow). I do hope u get to see him again.

Soft foods for a few days days can be fun lol - jelly & icecream, piree apple, baby food & soft bread... Yum! Are you on antibiotics? // So glad you have home domestic help. It is nicepwhen the place is clean - my dad has someone mop the floors every fortnight.

You habe so much loss Dec - son, parents, cousins, uncle... This "special" uncle will hurt to loae - but youre already starti g the grieving, have warning, so hope its isn't such a shock. "their favourite niece" - very special - good memories. // Yes Dec, you will "get by with your forum family" i'm not going anywhere & do care 🙂 Yes, emotional pain is debilitating - in a spiritual way. Dr Phil once said: The relationship doesn't stop when someone dies - it becomes a spiritual relationship...

Really hope u sleep better tonight 🙂

Walking with you Dec xox

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

My toothache was at 10 Lapses - I never say my back pain is at 10 - never called my pain 10 until I woke up at 6.00 am on Tuesday - aw - that was just pain terrible

And I took a couple of strong pain killers and put a warm heat pack against my face and I don't know how but I went back to sleep and woke up around 7.30 and rang and left a message for my dentist on his mobile - and he rang back and I got to see him early that afternoon and luckily the pain tablets worked a bit but that tooth - I could not even touch it with my tongue

But there's nothing wrong with it - I have been grinding my teeth and it's something I do but I have been doing it more lately and it is settling down but still I am taking soft food and not all that much,

I'm not taking antibiotics - there is no infection - and yeah - when I talked to my dentist after he had a good look at the tooth I sat up and he aksed "What else is happening in your life?" Oh sheesh he knows me so well and that's when it hit me about my uncle being more important than my parents and he is a very sick man but I did see him a couple of weeks ago and I am hoping to see him again - 

Yeah - I have lost a lot of people - people do - the more people we have in our lives the more people have to die - that's the good news and the bad news - but my uncle has been there through my whole life and now it's time for me to be there for him and I will be

My dentist gave me a hug though - hard to believe - yeah - he has known me for a long time and I was his first patient - he has been so good to me - he really does know me well

And yes - I have had a lot of pain - emotional and physical - recently - and I am really worn down - my GP filled out a mental health plan today and wrote that I have reactive depression and yes - I do have that

 

Totally buggered but I still have my sense of humour - always have that - what would I do without it

I guess I will be in more often now - I am so standing in the need of prayer and yes - God knows all of it - and he will not let us down regardless

I hope you are okay Lapses - we have a lot to share - and we do share

Dec

[Former-Member]

Love your pics @Owlunar, and yes - I'm ok'ish thanks. Having lunch with a new friend yesterday helped. Loneliness males everything an effort. Do you get lonely Dec? Hope that tooth issue is mending. Try if you can to give your uncle into God's care - you have a lot tod deal with already, especially memories, & travel is so hard for you. I'm worried this extra time with my dad is gonna make losing him extra hard when it comes. Or not, sometimes, like
with mum, death comes with relief that they no longer suffering. I'm not grieving my mum - or maybe much of it has already been.

Oo, gotta go, someone at the door

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

I am so happy for you that you are having lunch with a new friend - that should be really great - I wish both of you the best

I rarely get lonely - the time I am alone over a long weekend can be a burden but usually living through it is fine - I enjoy my time alone and there are times when I find my domestic help to be intrusive - I am told this is natural - it's irritating to have several different people over say - a month - in my home constantly asking me where I want this - where should they put that - what they want me to do with the other.............I think it's wonderful that they come to do these things for me but I have so many different people it becomes a burden when I am not well and lately I have not been well

So it's Saturday and my tooth is getting better but still feels very tender - and I feel tired. I am wondering if I have reactive depression or if my pain tolerance has been attacked too much lately - I am happy that today I am alone

I guess I could feel lonely sometimes - I have in the past - but now I reflect that my original family life was too many people living in a house that was too small and I was unhappy there and married then to get out of it and found the opposite - it is lonely living with a man like my ex-h who doesn't talk - stuck in his depression which I didn't understand - I think I do now - well -

Yeah - that is lonely and that's when I learned to get out of the house whenever I could - as I had as a teenager

So honestly being here alone today is fine

But I am tired of my chronic pain - I have done most of my chores and think I need to lie down flat for a while

I think I understand what you are saying about your Mum and Dad - My Mum was suffering a lot - scared of life and scared to die - and my Dad was a man of faith and went quickly - but I do know this place between - the end of life - it is a major change for everyone - I get it. I prayed for my Mother to be released

I had a glitch in my computer earlier - I cleared it a short time back and I hope to get back today but I am really tired today and I have my dinner prepared and hope that lying flat will ease my back - which pain is bugging me the most I am not sure - but bugged I am

Cared heaps Lapses - I will catch you later

Dec

[Former-Member]

Hi Dec, you sound 'in the wars' still 😞 Pain can be so draining, and drops our tolerence to lifes little annoyances (we get snappy / irritable / even ugly) bit go eady on yourself Dec, ya doing the best you can √

Understand what ya mean about 'home help' being intrusive... Mum called it 'an invasion of privacy' One nurse that comes here for dads 7am showet,l she'so loud / chatty (bit not cheery), particular with everythimg and yes - in my face about every decision out of the ordinary - like "where do you want this dirty towel?" grr! She irritates me, but yes - still good at her job. But the newWfaces - they need lots of help -
/ supervision 🙂 - Just have to put up with them for short while (poor dears), try see the good.

Sounds lile you neef to brace yourself for a hard wi ter Dec, Sometimes i prefer the more positive analogy of a big canadian gBEAR snuggling down for a long einter HYBERNATION .

Its ok to just breath.

Be kind to yourself Dec xox

I just had a dream, mum appeared flitting past, in flowing creamy/white garments - on a mission to somewhere else (as usual) but this time she announces "thank you, thank you very much" and she seemed happy. Wow! How weird is that?! Got the distinct impression she wants me to know she approves what I'm doing here. That's nice 🙂

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

We are definitely on the same page - you had a dream about your Mum in flowing creamy.white clothing thanking you - wow - maybe she has really a better insight on the other side - I hope this is true - actually I think it's a wonderful dream. You did a lot for your Mother and I guess she didn't want to see that she was failing and found it to be intrusive - I understand that - when my mother could she cleaned the house before the cleanig people turned up and I see these people and they find that frustrating - 

They are mostly doing their but yeah - I get it - at 7.00 am - (aw the agony of it) a loud, chatty-not-cheery voice right in your face with "whatdayawannadowiththisdirtytowel" shikes!!!! - in the laundry baskets of course? - aw - I do understand

I am basically used to this - I could put the shopping away myself but I have to get out of the small kitchen with someone else there asking where I want everything - if they looked they would see. I am just edgy and really tired right now and having different people is a bother because I get more of "Where do I find the mop and bucket" etc - and if they opened their eyes they would find them really easily

I have got everything out before people turn up - then no one comes - this is one of those funny things - ah normally I do not care and the regulars just know. I have yet to hear good stuff about My Aged Care - and atm I am just worn out - going to Tassie took a lot out of me - not travelling but the stress about my uncle's health - so rough - I spoke to my other uncle today and yes - he agrees that the Tassie uncle is worse than they are saying

I have a headache again today - I can tell it's stress - I think going back to bed with a warm pack and hoping I can going to sleep would be a good idea -

We had a change in the weather - strong wind and heavy rain. Actually we have a large area of concrete driveway here leading down a hill to the street - there are a couple of teenage girls from the other side of the road with those gadgets you can stand on and they will take you wherever - they find the hill really good fun and they make a lot of noise with the gadget rolling on the concrete and they laugh a lot - which is fine during the day but when I was asleep at 9,00 am - yeah - and Sunday - I felt this was rude and prayed that they would go away and not long after this a storm happened

That was so good - 

Anyway Lapses - I am hoping to pull a few helpful members of my extended family together for my Tassie rellies - not easy - my family is all over the world - and if my sister gets wind of what I am doing she is likely to take over - I can't help that - just let it go - it will always be my idea though

Catchya lata sis - gotta use my idea to try and sleep - I must need it - we heal when we sleep - and let's hope the noisy girls can wait until after school tomorrow to play outside my place

Yes - we have winter coming - it may not be as hard as we think - I always think of you

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member@utopia@Shaz51@Appleblossom@outlander@Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope

Just letting you know.............

I must be very resilient - I am still managing to do all the right things - now eating an almost normal diet after all the soft food - putting up with my back which is letting me know about all the damage there and sorting out how to best eat with my sore tooth - still here - still doing it - wow 

I am one tough cookie - and still looking after myself too - it's much cooler in Melbourne - I know there have been fires in the country - but I turned the warm air on this morning rather than feel chilled and I am sure that has helped

It has been another slow start and I have to go out and therefore get ready to do so - I will be back later - I will catch up with people - 

My attempt to draw some members of my family together is a major stressor and I can feel it - until all of this started happening I was in the Keep out of it Mode - but now - this is too important - I have something I must do that is quite unusual for me.

Dec

[outlander]

@Owlunar you are a tough cookie indeed, i hope things setle down for you soon