Re2: Life can be a Pain

[Former-Member]

 @Owlunar,

You inspire me Dec, the way you rise up after falls, get help when you need it and keep lovein.

@itopia, hope hospital helps, I didn't realise, be strong, ptsd is s hard road ❤❤❤

[outlander]

hearing you @Owlunar im not much on words today but am hearing you and sitting with you none the less :Heart: hoping all your aches and pains go soon 

[Appleblossom]

Looks Healthy?????

Hi  @Owlunar  You are a steady guiding angel.  

Dear  @Former-Member You have beyond difficult family circs to manage.  You have my respect, and I often look for you. You have started great threads on a social and information basis and been good for the fourm.  Sister dont let the doubt get to you.

I am on the forum much less these days. Though today I have been on for hours, catching up I guess. I have a lot to do with son and keeping me busy in the world so I dont check out or crumble in front of his eyes. I am also not a big multiple tagger. 

Take care Lovely ladies

[Former-Member]

Thank you ❤❤❤ @Appleblossom ❤❤❤

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member@Appleblossom@outlander@utopia@Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope@Bubbles3@Adge

I felt edgy and weird yesterday - I often feel like this when something is wrong in my family and I got a letter from my aunt yesterday - great birthday for my uncle - thanks for my card etc - but

No mention of my visiting them - ah sheesh - not good

Maybe my last letter has crossed over hers going snail-mail - air-mail or not - and she doesn't know I am coming yet - I felt a lot of emotions last night - angry, upset, confused - and I sat and stared at the TV not really noticing what was on and then had warm milk and went to bed and slept a long time having made up my mind to try again - not giving up - and 

I am going to have a great holiday regardless - 

At this point I am not going to ring my aunt - I will do that when I am in Hobart - it's harder to turn people away when they are nearly on your door step - and if you have a gift for them - which I will get

I have definitely reached an age and stage in life where I can allow myself to feel strong emotions without fear and they do pass - I will not let anyone tell me how to feel - and this is important with an aging frail relative who I love as much as I love my uncle

I have plans about it

Actually I saw my doctor recently and there are people who try and keep their partners - children - siblings - any significant other - alive by keeping other people away - and this is really hard on the aging person when it comes to family kept away - and I told my doctor that no one can keep anyone alive after their time comes - 

I am allowed to hate this but my aunt is entitled to feel this way

I am going - I feel stiff and sore this morning - I must have stayed in the same place too long last night - sleeping so deeply - but I found the still-point in my own life overnight and I am okay

I can still with God with all of this and know that he is in charge of everything and all the worry in the world will not change anything - I have had prayers answered in a fantastic way many times through my life and this will work out all right too

Thanks all my dear friends

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hi @Appleblossom

It is sure great to be seen as a steady, guiding angel - I like the idea

I have messages sure - maybe through my own cluttered past and sometimes emotional fragility I am steady because I allow the emotions a certain time to pull me in any direction and time has taught me they cannot pull me apart and I let myself have them and I really think they give up having free free-rein.

So I believe - I have been told - that I lead my example - not at all being a person who tries to get other people to do what I want - I am the person who says "I am going this way" and take off and find myself surprised when other people follow me

And @Former-Member

Yesterday was not a good day - when things are wrong in my family I sometimes - often - feel an edgyness that is not me - it's coming from something I can't explain - don't need to - and I learned my daughter is having tests for possible surgery and my aunt has sent me a letter - see above message - not mentioning my visit to their city - but I am going anyway

I wish I did just get up after my falls - dang - this time I don't even remember falling - actually I think it's rather funny that I woke up bursting and needing to get up but decided to go back to sleep for a minute but nature called and I got up in my sleep I think and my foot must have been asleep and I sat on the floor wondering if I had to set off my Mepacs alarm or go to the loo and decided I couldn't wait for an ambulance to get me up and was on my feet - so I guess I had a choice and chose the one with the most dignity

But I have had worse sprains and this one is getting better fast and isn't bruised now and I am going to Hobart and thinking "Will I take my computer or not - will I take my computer or not - will I take my computer or not"

I think this time I will - I might need you guys when I am away this time

I so like to be a good example - thanks girls but 

Um - yeah - the green cake looks great but the green coffee - I think I had better find a healthy snack here before I go to the shops for a salad sammidge for lunch

Good idea - eat healthy - the salad sammidge from the sandwich shop or green coffee - maybe both

I am glad you found me Lapses - I think you are on the Carers Forum now and I was fuzzy yesterday and couldn't find you

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hi @outlander

I haven't been around as much as I would like to be - sometimes I am catching up with the good weather and my garden - which is small - looks better for the attention

But yes - the pain has been getting to me and for a while I thought it might make it difficult to enjoy my holiday though I am going regardless

It seems to me that since August when I hurt my knee in Sydney and that botheration - then my operation and the time it took to recover and then my hip playing up and then my sprained ankle - for a while that was too much and I withdrew - which makes me wonder a lot about my garden looking so good - but I guess a person can stand on one foot and rest the other and get to work on the over-growing vines and the dastardly tomato plant without much bother and this year I started my tan cruising on Sydney Harbour in August and I am pleased with the on-going result

I must catch up with you on your thread to see how you are going - I have found through years of website work I tend to post less in summer - more in winter - look for me when the days get drippy

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hi @utopia

Hospital again - I am sorry but then - if you need it then it must be necessary and helpful - but definitely not fun at all

I remember when I had my revolving door visits to the Melbourne Clinic I would just start to join in the social life and it was time to go home - and it was my decision each time - my visits were short and I was sedated a lot of the time but yes - it was necessary but I wouldn't need it now

If you need it - you need it

Yes - this psychologist is great and I am looking at stuff which frankly gives me the horrors when I am with her and know deep down in the past there is a lot of confusion - I was loved by a large extended family but my mother was not in love with the baby swan in her nest and Dad was conflicted a lot of the time but did make things work for me when he could. I am starting to think about these things alone now and they do not bother me as much but when I am with the therapist it's like pulling up strong weeds and I guess that what such powerful thoughts in our deep past are like

I forgave my mother a long long time ago when I could first see how damaged she was - and it is an on-going process but now when I look at half-forgotten stories and images in my past I am amazed really - I ask myself how she could do that - but she did and she did it from her own damaged childhood and I understand -

The reasons - yes I understand the reasons but I also know they are no excuse - and through this - I can feel myself being set free in wonderful ways

I hope this can work for you though I don't know your past much and don't need to - I think this new therapist is just there and is kind and understanding and what do I extend to you and others - kindness and understanding - we don't need to know everything - we just need to care

Lots of hugs Utopia

Dec

[utopia]

@Owlunar - hugs ♥♥

[Owlunar]

Thanks @utopia

Dec