HOME

[Mazarita]

@utopia, that's awful. I hope his father might be more sensible than your son at the moment. Is it possible he was mainly trying to rebel against anything you said? From memory, he is at that age when rebellion is not uncommon. I agree with your position on both matters. But it doesn't mean you have to drink. You have come so far to reach 90 days without. Bear in mind that I am still in the grip of my own vices. But when I gave up the green for 6 months a while back, it was just one smoke that hooked me back on it in full force again. I'm in the process of cutting back again. But I wish I hadn't had that one smoke.

[utopia]

I just don't care today @Mazarita. If I could get my hands on something better than alcohol, to numb me, I would.

[Teej]

Hi @utopia. I’m hearing you and have walked in similar shoes before. I think you have done the right thing about putting pretty strong boundaries around what is acceptable. 

Im also here to let you know that what comes out of his mouth now and that attitude won’t be like this forever. Peer culture has a bigger impression on them than anything you can impart at this age, well it was for me anyway. I suspect that he is very much going through the 'mum doesn’t know anything and she’s weird' mum stage. I went through that with most of mine. After my breakdown even more so, they turn to their peers for support but in a strange way, it’s more important for them to be 'normal' so they try harder to fit in too.  I could be talking bs here but this was my experience. 

The good news is those attitudes will change once they leave school. I have watched mine who were not interested whatsoever in those conversations now start them. I have just started to watch my youngest come out of his very small world and start to get the bigger picture. He is ahead of his brothers for some things but I think that is because he’s been working with adults for over a year. One of mine still has a way to go but I can see a flicker every now and then that he will become more aware of all the kinds of things you tried to address. I took it all on so personally when I was in the thick of it and my boys pushed so many of my buttons. At 15 one of mine was asked by an adult what he wanted to do. His response was to destroy the environment to shove it up the greenies :face_with_rolling_eyes:. Ironically he is now he is quite protective and proactive with environmental issues. I couldn’t see how they would ever grow up to be adults that I respected through those years. I had lots of moments of losing it with them and being so angry and overwhelmed. Now I see sometimes it just takes time and for them to be able to look at the world around them through their eyes without teenage peer crap and being the centre of the world. Don’t give up. He’s got your genes 😊. I’m sure he’ll be fine but give it time. Just keep reinforcing boundaries and then when he’s ok to talk, gently raise stuff. Thinking of you and knowing how devastated you’d be feeling. 💜🤗

[Former-Member]

Hi @utopia, 

I'm sorry things are tough at the moment, I am really glad that you have been reaching out here and have had some great support. I noticed your other post about drinking as well. I am concerned about you and am sending you a check in email. Stay strong 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Morning @utopia ..... 💜💐

You’re in baby dragon territory at the moment ..... the gorgeous kids we raise turn into this metamorphosis at some point in their mid teens  - boys generally later that girls - and if you get the soft version of it, you’re lucky .....

Good news is that after the rollercoaster stops, all the hard work you put into them earlier begins to shine, and they graduate to their adult wings ..... hopefully with the ability to breathe enough fire to make their way through life without being bullied and pushed around ..... but they practice that fire and their talons on their Mumma as they develop, and it seems to kick in almost overnight.

There is more good news in there too.  You will see glimpses of the ray of sunshine that is also part of their make-up that they will generally reserve for friends during this stage, while they experiment and work out their charm mode too.

Love and hugs @utopia .... and we are all here to give you a leg-up back onto that there wagon, when you’re ready ..... hoping it’s sooner rather than later.

💜💜💜 

[Teej]

Hi @utopia. Your post has had my brain so distracted and in deep thought about your predicament which has led to me overthinking the issues of how we get this generation to be proactive in many of the issues that we are passionate about. Last night I wanted to post that I was worried that my post aggrandised me or my kids. I need you to know I’ve failed on lots as well. I’ve had to deal with issues ranging from porn to calling bluff on a police officer in front of me. I’ve had massive fights with my kids over this stuff and didn’t resolve some of them at all in a way I was ok with. I’ve had my heart ripped out a few times. I don’t have the answers at all but I just know I feel a little less worried now than when they were going through those really hard years. Now I can have the conversations a little easier without all the attitude and anger from either side. 

The other week I posted something on here (a meme) that had a really offensive word that I’d grown up using but understand how inappropriate it is (as it became understood how hurtful it can be). I didn’t even think about it when it was posted. The mods picked it up and I was very embarrassed and ashamed I hadn’t worked it out before I posted it. I was grateful it got picked up. I know I have still got a long way to go too.

When your up to it I’d be happy to have a chat about some of this stuff as a general discussion as there is so much happening in the media at the moment, the Bert newton and Sarah Hanson young stuff spring to mind as well as the Barry hall stuff. Maybe we can fix the world 😜😘. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Only saw the Bert Newton thing @Teej, and choked on it ..... some stuff I just don’t read.

How are you doing @utopia ?

[BlueBay]

Hi @utopia

I've just read your posts from yesterday and I'm so sorry that your son is treating you like this. Its not nice to be spoken to like he did to you. 

I know you're hurting big time. I wish I could give you a big hug. 

I hope he realises while he's away that what he said to you was very hurtful. I hope. 

Im thinking of you. And I hope your mum is slowly improving 

BB ❤️❤️

[utopia]

@BlueBay@Faith-and-Hope@Teej

Thanks for your words of experience.

My son sent me a very nice text message this morning. Apologising for yesterday. And saying he didn't mean to use that word and doesn't know why he did. That he thinks I'm a good mum, etc.

I told him I accept his apology.

He hasn't gone to his dad's. Last night at work, he was offered shifts every day this week. So he's staying at his girlfriend's house (in the lounge room).

I couldn't have him home today. I'm still so sad about his comment. It still hurts. It goes to my self talk fears, that I am a bad mum. I'm angry with myself for drinking yesterday. But I'm telling myself, that was a single mistake.

I have slept on and off all day. Depression is lurking nearby. Thoughts of why bother going on, etc. They're hard to shut up. Don't think I acted like a good mum yesterday. Just feel so out of control and undeserving.

[BlueBay]

I'm glad your son realised he was in the wrong @utopia and apologised to you. Yes of course it still hurts snd sll those feelings you have. But you're a good mum you deserve to be here. Having a drink yesterday was a single mistake. I believe that you wouldn't do it agsin. Don't be too hard in yourself. You have so much on your plate with your mum as well. 

Try to have an easy night. Msybe some self care tonight. ❤️❤️

Thinking of you xxxx