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[utopia]

Wow @Mazarita - rapid cycling isn't good. How long til the meds are stabalised? 36 hours without sleep - would send me over the edge. How do you cope & then say "I'm okay though"? I think you are one tough lady.
My anxiety (that I'm not aware I'm carrying is causing physical chest pains and raising my bp to super high levels. White coat syndrome.
I always thought of HSP as being for people who struggle with noise and lights and who are sensitive to feedback or perceived criticism. Obviously had my own ill gotten preconceived ideas. Which were wrong. I guess like most MI's our symptoms / personalities can vary.
I just hated that my psychologist said, it can't be cured - only managed.
Initially I thought my Depression would be cured - a one off. But as each episode occurs, the liklihood of that happening is dropping down to almost zero chance. Again, no cure - just management.
And so I have to blame my workplace for even more damage to my mental health. And I do blame them. I'm tired of waiting til I'm classed as 'stable' by WorkCover - so I can get a percentage of incapacity recorded. Need that before we can decide under which law we will sue my ex employer. And I just want it done already. It's been 4 years and it will take another couple of years at least before we get into court and get a decision.
Sorry for the whinge. Just can't get it off my mind.

[Mazarita]

For some reason I didn't get notified of your latest post, @utopia, hence the delay in replying. 

I feel for you, struggling so long with these legal matters. Awful that it has to be part of your life. I've avoided all legal matters, even walked away with very little from my divorce, knew I didn't have a fight in me. I think you, and others who take on the system, are the tough ones.

I've pretty much accepted that my condition can only be managed. I'm okay with it in a way, except for when I contemplate my life ahead over long years, knowing that these ups and downs are likely to improve, relapse, improve, relapse. Probably not the cheeriest thing to write to you just now. Just saying I relate really.

But in your case, that sense of having once been in a much better place in regards mental health must make it really hard to accept. I've been depressed since childhood and breaking out into sudden manic behaviours from my teenage years. It's easier to accept something when you don't know any different really.

And, the notification of your post just came through, 22 minutes after you posted it!

How I cope with the extremes of sleep and mood. I don't know really. Something to do with still feeling like I'm in a better place now than when I was younger and unmedicated, or not adequately treated.

[utopia]

I'm glad your treatment helps you find that better place - in yourself and in your life @Mazarita.
No, I think it's harder for those who have lived most of their lives with a mental illness. Especially as the medications weren't the best all those years ago. And stigma was much worse.
At least more people are being educated about mental health issues now. Unfortunately, that education is still predominantly around depression and anxiety. More needs to be done about education for Bi Polar & BPD & DID & Schizophrenia and similar. Another decade or two maybe.
Anyway, I'm just feeling sorry for myself. It's been a shock. But over the coming weeks I'm sure I'll calm down and be more accepting. Just not right now.
Thank you for staying with me and having a chat. Although only a short chat, it's been good to catch up. Will have to catch up properly soon and have a big chat - if you're up for it.
It's 3.45 so I'll try again to get some sleep.
Thanks again.

[Mazarita]

Thanks, @utopia. I am up for a big chat with you. Looking forward to it. Sleep well now. ox

[utopia]

Still awake but logging off

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @utopia ..... 💕

I woke during the night and saw you had @Mazarita’s company, and she yours, so sozzled back off to sleep.

[utopia]

@Faith-and-Hope I finally fell asleep at 8am.

[Owlunar]

Hi @utopia

I think it's okay to be down and a bit sorry - or even a lot sorry - for ourselves at times - sheesh - why not - denying our feelings and counting our blessings can be disastrous sometimes

I like to be radical in my thinking - anyway - I am beginning to see that in your case your reaction is in relation to some kind of crime being committed against you in your work place and the drawn out process of getting the "right" dx - and the drain of legal carnage is devastating and to somehow get along with it you have been shoving those feelings down into a place where they have lived on the back-burner for however long and all the time corroding your sense of self

Cause yeah - what a stuff-up a lot of this has been and before whatever happened at work you were a normal person living your normal life and zapp!! - so much of yourself has been taken away

Allow yourself to have the feelings and have a time limit on being sorry - I actually felt sorry for myself a lot during the week and didn't enjoy myself - feelings of fear of the unknown - I was not a happy camper at all and told my doctor late in the day when I saw him - after I had my blood and urine taken for tests that I wanted to get onto a different medication - my feet were so swollen yesterday my socks cut into my feet - aw - I had enough so tomorrow I start different medication that might make me tired - the one I have been taken has given me a host of side FX - 

I feel the need to be in control of my circumstances as much as possible - I guess most people do - to different degrees and for different reasons - I spent a few days in Respite Care a few years back - the hospital gave me a week - I felt as if no one cared that I was there and the nurse was bitchy - the food indifferent and I didn't eat breakfast the whole time I was there and not even lunch a couple of times - I didn't notice until I got the Webster Pack when I got home that I was actually taking too much medication - they gave me my back medication and then added the medication for my chest pain - I slept all day and was awake all night

So yes - I am really afraid of ending up in such a place - not that I really need to because I can organise this for myself but the memory remains

I have been thinking of you all day - Fridays are usually busy for me and it took me ages to get out of my shadow in the morning and then I was at the Pathology Place before I saw my doctor - and it's really late and I am feeling fine right now

I wish you the best - thinking of you - and looking for clipart

This has been so me this week

cya - Dec

[BlueBay]

Hi @utopia
While in hospital agsin yesterday I was thinking of you. I thought about this psychosomatic stuff. Snd msybe a lot of my physical illnesses are psychosomatic.
I just feel a bit crazy or should I say a bit more crazy than I am!!
Anyway just wanted to say wondering how you are feeling.
Thinking of you
BB xxoo

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @BlueBay .....

I mentioned my daughter being psychosomatic to you as her pain is there all the time, or at least very often.

I have had psychosomatic episodes that have presented like panic attacks ..... the most recent one was in January this year, and because I was kept overnight in hospital, I saw a neurologist. They had been concerned about something neurological but all the testing came back clear, as it did for blood results, etc ...... so the good news is that I am in good shape over all.

The took the severit of my home circumstances very seriously, but also recognise that whatever path I choose is not likely to be any less stressful than another, and the basis fo my episodes is seated in out circumstances, which they can’t help me to fix any more than what is already in place.

What they could do was to provide strategies for managing the symptoms and reducing them, while I work in whichever way I can to reduce the underlying distress I am faced with. To relate that to you, you need to practice the behaviours and strategies to help reduce your physical symptoms, and medications can help with the pain, while you work with your psych to address the underlying psychological causes.

This will be highly stressful to begin with, as you are finding, but like pulling out a badly infected tooth, the pain and emotional “inflammation” will gradually reduce to a more manageable state.

Does that make sense ?

Hi @utopia @Owlunar .... anyone else here .....