Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Teej]

How much longer of uni @Faith-and-Hope ? 
please let me know if you have to head off…..or iPad face is coming your way. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

No idea where he is up to with the ED, but from what I was advised he was too deeply embedded in it to get out without a lot of support, which he hasn’t had, cos I would have heard something.  Good luck to him and gf, but solving that won’t solve the rest of what ails him.  He would need to deep dive with a highly qualified psych.  I have heard that hitting rock bottom can actually do a complete re-set with the support of a great therapist.  If I wish anything for him, it’s that.  It’s not actually his fault that he is how he is, but that is as far as my empathy can go.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Definitely in a league of his own @Teej.  
I can’t imagine a new relationship.  Nothing is settled yet, at all, so just functioning / existing  in my bubble and cranking up the lemonade machine when I have any energy to turn lemons into something resembling art.

[Teej]

Is it same gf? @Faith-and-Hope  None of his stuff is your circus or monkeys anymore no matter how much he tries to drag you in. I just realised that I haven’t had to use that saying for a long time. I’m not sure if you know but I was able to finally purchase this house from my brother ( who was still too generous). I didn’t think having this stability would mean much but it has. My garden has become my saviour through COVID. Like your quilt my garden is my memories. I’ve planted all my fave plants from each house. I had about 70 plants in pots, some I’ve had with me on the move for 10 years. I only have two plants left to put in the ground so my friend jokes I’ve finally put down roots. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hahaha, that’s rather gorgeous @Teej.

I lost my beautiful garden, so I hope to have a future house and garden where I can do the same thing 🤞, plant up all the memories of my loved-and-lost gardens.

Ex still messing with the kids, D2 esp.  Grrrr.  Yes same gf.  She will be in the spin cycle by now, but whether she can recognise the N pattern yet I don’t know.  He’s a master at that game and oh so subtle to begin with.  I have only just come to understand the full interpretation of gaslighting, and it was there from the outset.  Silken web, spun slowly and carefully, and laced with distractions.

[Teej]

Are you sharing D2? @Faith-and-Hope . I hope you are getting financial support. Is there a court date yet? 

[Faith-and-Hope]

No financial support.  He has been o/s.  Supposed to share D2 but he is not with the program re Covid and her medical condition, so big dramas at the mo, and of course he is milking it all for “supply”.  He is not in my town yet.

@Teej 

[Teej]

Yep with the gaslighting @Faith-and-Hope It’s all pretty insidious (as was the grooming). One of the hard things for me to get around is that it might not be a conscious process they do. I think from mine it was about just deflecting all of his stuff and not being conscious of it. It doesn’t matter though. Gaslighting and grooming are still predatory behaviours whether well thought through or not and therefore their responsibility. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Exactly @Teej 

[Teej]

I hope you’re getting by ok financially @Faith-and-Hope . That’s a big stress. Of course he would be playing king where the rules don’t apply to him……until they catch up with him. Karma will come your way one day! I’ll be there to smile with you. It doesn’t have to be nasty but just the relief/reward that things caught up with him.