Am Not Coping

[Zoe7]

Sorting out my money isn't the issue @Former-Member - it is the not knowing when it is coming in. I borrowed some off my mother and then my sister also this week to buy all the extra medication that I needed. That has set me back quite a bit. I pay all my bills as soon as it comes in but then get the added expenses because I am 'unwell' again. It is a never ending cycle!

Th 'incident' today really scared me - more than I would let on to anyone. It scared me even more because Toby was there also. I have seen that look in the eyes and know first hand that there is no rationalising with someone in that state - it is purely self-preservation - if possible! I can't get it out of my head and I know I won't sleep tonight but there is nothing anyone can do to help - it will just be 'one of those nights' to get through any way I can.

[Former-Member]

Oh @Zoe7, that you would trigger me too, what on earth was he on about? Just keep your place locked and out lights on. Toby will let you know if someone's around, but I'm sure you'll be fine. Wish we could all rock up your place for a pajama party, all night & keep you safe. Hope you boost your data soon. Stay strong, eat chocolate 🌞🌷🌿

[Former-Member]

😞 those nights are not fun, here with you @Zoe7

[Zoe7]

No money to buy chocolate @Former-Member - and certainly don't want to go outside! He was quite clearly 'medicated' and it could have been anything - which is even scarier depending on what it was. When he kicked the fence (it is just a couple of pieces of lattice screwed together) I really didn't think he was going to stop there - and I was still sitting on the ground behind it - so I had nowhere to go as the fence was laying on me. I am still surprised he walked then ran away. I hope he thought someone else would come out to help and I am not alone here. The only time I have felt unsafe here is when my trailer was taken from the driveway but that passed after it was found. Now - I don't know. I suppose I will get over it but right at this point in time I am jumping at every noise. Toby must be sensing it as he hasn't left my side since.

@Former-Member I really did not need this today. Why can't it just get easier?

[Former-Member]

i dont know @Zoe7 i ask myself the same question. theres always something! lucky we have here and each other. I am feeling very anxious tonight too. my dog just growled randomly at the front door which he never does!
Its so frustratig that the insurance company isnt reliable 😞 garrr...

[Zoe7]

I think if Toby growled at the door tonight I would go into total 'meltdown' @Former-Member. Are you alone atm?

[Former-Member]

its ok @Zoe7 - im not too worried. there is a disabled lady who lives a few units down who goes through recycling bins looking for bottles she can trade in. she might have been around.
I hope toby doesnt growl for you! i'm alone which is probbly a good thing at the moment.
how is cat?

[oceangirl]

Hi @Zoe7

I hope your insurances come through tomorrow for you- what time is your DRS appointment?

Snuggle up with the boy, I have trouble in bed with me....

[Zoe7]

Cat is good @Former-Member she is laying by the heater. I think that is where I will end up tonight also - on the floor curled up in the corner with my pillow and doona by the heater - probably the safest place to be tonight. I have some extra meds that I might take to 'knock me out' because I am already too anxious, feeling really sick and very shaky. 

When do your kids come home lj? Have you made any plans to do anything for yourself this week?

[Former-Member]

glad cat is good @Zoe7 - i dont really have any plans, in survival mode. glad you have a safe option for getting through tonight and getting some sleep. i think its a good idea. kids are supposed to be home on friday. i have a ... feeling that they wont be home on friday though. i dont know, brain is a bit clouded with things.