Am Not Coping

[Zoe7]

I presume those 'things' that your brain is clouded with are complicated and you can't talk about either @Former-Member - which makes it even tougher to deal with. I do find that sometimes the things that are really 'bothering' me are those things that I can't talk about - for one reason or another - and that is when I begin to shut myself away more - which isn't a good place to be for me. 

I really hope the kids are home Friday so you can spend some time with them. Whatever happens - I'll be here for you (when I get my stupid money and can recharge my phone). The alternative is I can drive to the closest school and 'steal' their internet but that will mean being out of the house and I don't think I can do that atm.

@oceangirl I have one appointment at 10.30 (depending on whether I can pay for it) and then one at around 2pm (can't remember the exact time as it is not my usual time - will check that in the morning)

[Former-Member]

yes @Zoe7 - i did actually manage to tell rockpool about some things today, though right now im so scared i shouldnt have. all good. brain just needs to shut up some times. where the heck is that off switch?!?!
hoping that the money is through tomorrow for you!

[oceangirl]

@Zoe7 fingers crossed it comes through like last time- I thought it came through of the morning of your appointment. I have training again tomorrow and plus trouble needs to go to the vet again.

[Zoe7]

That is good @Former-Member - rockpool is great to talk to. I talk mostly to lunar - because she knows the most about me but have found rockpool is pretty switched on as well - so glad you were able to talk - I know it is hard and you often think 'should I have said anything' afterwards but it does help to get some of it out. Even though it is difficult in the moment I do always feel a little less 'burdened' after 'chatting' with one of the mods. I can't actually 'talk' so I always use helpline chat which probably makes it a little easier for me because I do find it easier to type some things rather than verbalise them - other things I can't do either for!

If I knew where the off switch was I would tell you - so hard to keep it together when your mind is constantly 'thinking'. I am really starting to struggle here lj so may not be around much more - I will see how I go but am even finding it difficult to type

[Zoe7]

Is trouble ok @oceangirl

[Former-Member]

thats ok @Zoe7 please go and rest, look after yourself 🙂 just so you know, i used the chat too, i cant do phone!
look after you (and cat and toby)

[Zoe7]

2 peas in a pod aren't we @Former-Member - it's all too complicated, we don't do phones, no off switch and just try to get through each day and see the next! 'Life' shouldn't be this hard 

[Former-Member]

so they tell us @Zoe7 ... wouldnt really know though 😛 maybe one day when we're... well greyer.. we will have crossed to the mystical healthy wellness that they speak of and feel free and happy... pain free etc

[Zoe7]

yep @Former-Member that mystical world eludes us both - can't see I will ever feel free and/or happy. Today was just another reminder of how messed up this world is and how quickly 'things' can happen that leave you 'suffering' long-term. I am starting to get really negative - sorry for that, I think I should leave you alone and change threads. Take care sweetheart 

[Former-Member]

sorry, my fault, shouldnt have said the above. really sorry, take care