Am Not Coping

[utopia]

@Former-Member @Zoe7 - sometimes our friends or family don't want to hear that we are still struggling with 'the same old thing'. Sometimes we don't tell them because we don't want to hurt them. Or maybe they just don't get it.
We may protect ourselves and not say something to our doctors. It might be too hard to say out loud yet. We might think we know what they will say & we don't want to hear it yet. It may be easier writing it here - than saying it out loud to a person, face to face.

[Former-Member]

is there something stopping you from being more open specfically? That's causing the guardedness? @Zoe7

[Zoe7]

On here @Former-Member or elsewhere?

[Former-Member]

both, though i understand might be different reasons for different spaces. @Zoe7 and you might not want to share either which is ok too!

[utopia]

@Zoe7. Be open here. Don't worry about anyone here. Write what you need to write. Ask for help when you need it. This is not the place to avoid. This should be a safe place to talk. And often by talking here, then we can talk more to our doctors and open up to them more.
I didn't think your psychiatrist wants you doing that therapy with the psychologist.

[Zoe7]

Definitely the 'general climate' on here of late @Former-Member and the feeling that I can't begin to say what I am thinking or feeling without there being a 'crossover' with someone else's struggles. It is hard to truly open up and engage in a discussion with someone when the 'attention' is diverted for whatever reason. Therefore I have found it easier to not engage in any such discussions and that has left me feeling quite alone and lonely.

My GP says that I am doing really well even though I don't always think I am.I don't want to tell her that I think about the same things every day. She knows that the nights are tough but she can't get exactly how tough - mainly because I can't actually put into words exactly what it is like and how I feel.

@utopia My family have no idea what I am dealing with or therefore cannot know what I am dealing with. My only friends are two little fur friends (my babies) and people i have never met! I do not have one person in my life that I can call to come around if I need to!

[Former-Member]

Hi @Zoe7

Its been getting more difficult to juggle things on the forums as they've gotten bigger in some ways. And its harder to negotiate some aspects of the forums because it is an open and public space, more so than 'real life' verbal conversations. i.e. people can jump in and out of a conversation at any time in their own ways which is very daunting. The idea of forum etiquette/manners has come up a few times before. There was a member about 2 years ago who was very agressive (they've since left) and for a while i was really terrified to post anywhere because they'd suddenly jump in with an accusation of some sort or an obstinate view point that was designed (or seemed to be) to create conflict. They would change the subject matter etc and it was really hard (and i think they either left or were told to). 

But its tricky to manage more 'subtle' difficulties that we have. I think we all have the right to ask for a thread to stay on topic, and without it being interrupted for information about another topic, that its ok to not always respond to every post (because it gets too overwhelming at times anyway or we may just have a completely different view point that would clash too much)... and we all have a right to be 'everywhere' on the forums too, we can jump in and out of parts of threads that draw us in for our own reasons. not sure if this is on the mark!

but i am hearing you @Zoe7

[utopia]

@Zoe7. If it was possible, I would come if you called me.
I had a dream last week. I was walking on a beach in Tasmania. It was empty of people. It was a cloudy windy day, but I was enjoying the fresh air. Then I heard someone yelling, calling out. I couldn't see anyone. Then I spot a scruffy dog. Looked like a cross between Abbey & Max. A terrier type dog. Then I could see a woman in the distance, dressed in black, a bit like a greek woman in mourning - a widow. Then I heard her calling the dog "Toby, Toby, come here Toby". And I'm thinking, no it can't be her. And the woman kept walking closer, still calling to her dog. As she got closer, I looked at her & said "Are you zoe7? I'm Utopia". The tears started to fall from the womans eyes. I rushed over and wrapped my arms around her. Around you.
How cool was that. So even in my dreams I thought of you.

[Zoe7]

Yep - you are on the mark @Former-Member.

I hate conflict and don't function well when I am involved in it in any way - even subtely! It makes me feel very uneasy. What is most difficult is that I understand where it is coming from and that it is not really personal but that doesn't make me feel any better about it. Basically I am putting on my 'it's not fair' hat and it just makes me feel like not wanting to be around - and that is the dilemma when there are so many people here that I really do care for and enjoy their company.

@utopia I would have thought that was more of a nightmare lol - and if it was me I would most likely be wearing white rather than all black - and definitely not Greek - a little Irish and a lot of cheeky lol

[Former-Member]

Well its ok to wear your hat so long as you know we'll be working on drawing you back out slowly and carefully and helping you to safely navigate the forums when you want to 🙂 Because you are amazing and supportive and deserve to get support back in all the different ways that being active around the forums offers 🙂 

Hugs @Zoe7 🙂 you really are a forumite!