Am Not Coping

[Shaz51]

Sorry my sisters @Zoe7, @Faith-and-Hope, I fell asleep

Mr shaz just made me a cup of coffee , it is 6-20pm here and hot

Mum and uncle are still in hospital , mum is hoping she will be back home this week xx

[Faith-and-Hope]

They are not heading over for a few more days @Zoe7, but Visual is wanting to get the packing under control.  She is being a major support for her brother at the moment, because he is on a low keel, and he won’t get packed in time otherwise.  He didn’t have clothes that fit him either, so she shopped for him in town today.  He is wanting to go on the trip but is anxious about it too, so that translates as lethargy and distraction for him.  He helps her in other ways.  He is giving her portfolio advice this evening for her uni submission.

[Zoe7]

You must need the sleep then @Shaz51 

I hope your mum is able to go home soon - it will be good to have her out of hospital and back where she is happy.

[Zoe7]

It sounds like they are good for each other then @Faith-and-Hope It is lovely that they help each other out - even the small things help 

Visual sounds like me - I like having things packed and ready early - I get stressed if things are left to the last minute 

It sounds like Visual is doing much better than she was earlier in the year and that is a great thing. I hope she gets into the course as it will do her the world of good.

[Shaz51]

I like having things packed and ready early - I get stressed if things are left to the last minute -- me too @Zoe7, @Faith-and-Hope

but when I was doing childcare , it was good the expect the unexpected

[Zoe7]

I bet @Faith-and-Hope is used to getting things done last minute with 5 kids @Shaz51 much like you would have done with childcare 

[Shaz51]

ohhh yes soo many memories @Zoe7, I was never on time anywhere , anything could happen from can`t finding shoes or hats or a dirty nappy , someone needs the toilet and many many more situations

[Zoe7]

I remember those days working at the shelter @Shaz51 - there was always a last minute look around to make sure we had everything and that the kids had been to the toilet before we headed out.

[Shaz51]

Yes and then when I became a step mom -- wow @Zoe7

[Faith-and-Hope]

None of mine were punctual or organised @Zoe7 ..... it’s something they have learned across a long time.  I used to get so frustrated and cross with them for leaving everything to the last minute, and then I started reading, trying to understand why they were being so oppositional to what they ought to be doing for their best interests, and found oppositional defiant disorder.  They were pushing hard against any boundaries they were given.  Now I understand that that is part of the genetics that are a struggle for us, but at the time I realised that they needed to be in charge of their own outcomes from an early age ...... and I changed my parenting to suit.  

I showed them how things work, and explained that there was a comfortable, easy way of managing their commitments - by getting organised and pacing their time management, or the hard uncomfortable way of letting everything run late and in a jumble where you can’t find things, or finish things in time .... and you miss out on things you want ....  and you don’t feel like you gave things your best shot ..... 

Then I gave them the choice about what they would do.  I also gave myself choices.  I told them I would be leaving for school at a given time, so they could get dressed comfortably at home before then, or they could get dressed uncomfortably in the car on the way to school.  They could eat breakfast comfortably at home, or they could scoff something down uncomfortably as they tumbled out of the car at school, packing their bag in the parking lot as I drove off to deliver the next one to their school.  

They got the picture, but only enough to get by.  As adults they are starting to realise that organisation and preparation can be half the fun of going somewhere or doing something ..... and it’s not great to miss the start of a movie at the theatre ..... or turn up to a party late to left-overs and people starting to leave after you have gone to all the trouble of getting ready to go, and travelling there.  Mr. is learning that  too.

Meanwhile I get on with things my way, and now they have a real appreciation for how I do things, and can recognise that it was what I was trying to teach them.