Am Not Coping

[Zoe7]

Thanks @Owlunar I do often read things more than once to get the line of thought someone is writing about  We often miss things when we are not actively reading and that can become an issue in any conversation. I have noticed over the last month or so that you have become much more open in your posts and that is a great thing for you - maybe you are beginning to let go of more by not keeping it bottled up so much. It may be that the BP meds are reduving your anxiety and that is also allowing you to write more openly - whatever the reason it is nice to read 

You have had a lot of internal pressure from your mother over the years and that is bound to affect you - and maybe since her passing you have been able to let some of that go - with the peace that your mother and son are now in maybe you have found a little for yourself too 

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Zoe7 - I've been taking those tablets for a few months now and my BP is normal - pretty steady actually and my pulse is lower too - so yes - I think that would have a profound effect on my well-being

My mother - yes - I had a lot of internal pressure from her - whatever caused her to be that way is pretty terrible actually - short story - her father died when she was very young and all I can remember my grandmother saying about my grandfather was bad - and my mother heard her father being bad-mouthed until she was in her middle years and that has to have been bad - my investigations into my grandfather proved him to be pretty ordinary - I wonder about those stories 

But I often didn't know what it was that I had done wrong and that's a rotten burden to put onto a child esp a high achiever. I just kept trying harder but I could not please my mother and yes - I have a huge sense of peace now that she has gone

And she was afraid to die - and she would not hear anything I tried to tell her about it being normal to be afraid - most people were. Mostly I was just trying to let her know I could hear her and I was willing to let her talk about it - it was only a few months ago when I was talking to my doctor I realised that she was deaf and actually couldn't hear me

Aw - shucks - she didn't like hearing aids either - she's entitled to refuse to hear - I have no argument - but the lights came on when I realised that.

I feel I have a lot to share about mother-daughter relationships but I have to write about it to share - and I think maybe now I am - thanks Zoe

I need to have lunch - I felt as if I was eating all night with such a lot of dreams waking me up - not good - but I am hungry now - I hope to get back

Dec

[Zoe7]

Mother -daughter relationships can be tricky @Owlunar I have a somewhat distant relstionship with my mother. It has begun to improve as I have begun to call her out on how she trests me at times and I am less concerned about the consequences for her and more about finsing a way we csn both go forward. You akso have your daughter who I know you wish told you more and let you in more - I suspect my mother feels much the same but she is not as independent or strong like you and would not be able to handle much of what I go through - she would see it as her failing and not for what it is - my life to deal with!

Enjoy your lunch Dec - I need to get something organised soon too 

[soul]

Hi - just checking in and trying to catch up on who's been doing what during my couple of months absence.

@Zoe7 - you have been trying to get back to work but have met with challenges along the way??

@Faith-and-Hope - you are selling up and moving??

[Zoe7]

Hi @soul - so lovely to have you back 

Yes I have been met with a few challenges - most recently in regards to the informstion they need from my gp to put in place a graduated return to work. As you cn imagine it is not a simple process as there are many things to consider - especilly the kids I would be in charge of - so they need to have that confirmation that I can return to classroom duties and are capable of dealing with the challenges that presents.

[Faith-and-Hope]

And we are needing part-time live ng space on both sides of the country @soul, with mr.f&h doing a FIFO, working in both places, and the rest of us commuting for each holiday break to try to keep our family together.

Our family home is high maintenance, which has been left behind for a number of years, and now needs major work .... so yes - move, renovate, sell .....

[soul]

You are very courageous @Zoe7 especially considering the field you are re-entering. I know  all about what that entails.

I wish you well and will follow your progress.

[soul]

The fun never ends for you @Faith-and-Hope but you strike me as someone who gets the job done and is very organised. How's the study going? Bet you are wowing them with your talent!!

[Zoe7]

Thank you @soul  will tag you into updates as we move forward in all this.

How are you doing?

[soul]

I have tagged you in my latest update @Zoe7