Am Not Coping

[NikNik]

Hi @Zoe7

I was just looking over your safety plan and I thought I would post some of the strategies you have come up with in the past that you might want to use now. They are:

- Cuddling Toby
- 5 things you can touch or feel activity
- Sit outside in a corner of the garden (this might not be a good idea tonight)
- Watch Mrs Brown’s Boys
- Watch Liverpool TV or other sport
- bubbles
- Writing - identify an emotion you can write about

Would picking one or more of these strategies help you get through?

We can work hour by hour if it's helpful to break it down into blocks of time?

[utopia]

@Zoe7. Everything you have written makes so much sense. It is hard. Bloody hard. And it will be painful. But I can't see any other way to get through to a place where you can live a happy full filled life.
And I remember feeling like all I was ever doing was re telling the trauma all the time & when I wasn't saying it to therapists - I was constantly thinking about it. I think that may be where you are at now.
But you do need to go through the stage of talking about it. The fear. How your body reacted. Your feelings. How you survived that trauma. What coping techniques you used to make it this far.
It is painful. You may experience flashbacks or an increase in nightmares a decrease in mood etc - when you first start this process. But I promise you - it does get better - you can get through it - & there is a better life afterwards.
I am here for you. I'll stand by your side the whole time.
Remember you have your gp's ph nbr and you can call her at any time. And you also have your psychologist you can call.
Don't wait til you get too bad, before calling them.
Use your care plan that you have been working on with SANE.
Look at your comfort box. Open the lid. What is in there? What can you try?
It is hard. I understand it may feel like you are reliving the trauma again. That's why it's so important to keep telling yourself, that these are just memories. He can't ever hurt you again. No one can.
Write on a piece of paper.
THIS IS JUST A MEMORY.
On another piece of paper write
I'M SAFE NOW
and another
HE CANNOT HURT ME NOW
another
THIS IS ONLY A TEMPORARY FEELING
another
I CAN DO THIS. I HAVE PEOPLE WHO LOVE AND SUPPORT ME
maybe you can think of some other words that could work.
Keep one in your bag. Put one on the fridge. On the bathroom mirror. Next to the bed. On your coffee table. In your car.
These feelings will not last forever. You can and will get through this. I believe in you.
I'm sitting right next to you - supporting you.
♥♥♥♥

[BlueBay]

Hey my friend @Zoe7

i am sorry you are not doing well tonight and are anxious about the rest of the night.  I am here if you need to chat; pls you have been so helpful for me lately.  If not that's okay, I understand.  You have so many wonderful friends on here that are supporting you.

I haven't been on very much this week struggling myself so i do understand. 

pls stay safe, is there anything i can do for you know 'online'

luv your friend bluebay xxxooo

[Zoe7]

@Faith-and-Hope She has already said that after so long she doesn't believe that this will fully go away or that she thinks we can go as deep into it as she would like to - but that it will be a little easier to cope with. My question is - when will it get easier because everytime I see her it tends to get even harder. 

Even though she is no longer eluding to police involvement she still pushes the point of what would happen if this had been done earlier - it's not going to change what happened or how feel.

I know my GP is concerned about how much these sessions affect me and is keeping a really good eye on how I am going but I couldn't even see her today. I just didn't have the energy to get there.

@utopia I finally admitted yesterday how bad it had been and how long I had 'put up' with it - and I answered all her questions - sometimes even with a few words - that just makes it so much more real now. I feel like I am back there again - trapped with nowhere to go and no way out. I know this won't last but this is a whole new world of hurt - I hate to say it but having only part memories or flashbacks now seems preferential.

I really wish this had never started and I could go back to just being miserable and existing - that now seems easier.

[Zoe7]

Thanks @NikNik

Did you know that when the bubbles hit the floor they crackled before they burst - that was a pretty cool surprise!

Hour by hour - baby steps!

[utopia]

@Zoe7. It's hard at the moment. You have started and stopped a few times before. That's why there has been no healing.
That's why you are trying again now. You want to heal. And you will!!!
I know you feel you are back there - still trapped. That's why it's important to read those notes. And use your safety plan that nik was talking about - the 5 senses.
Because you need to remove yourself from these fears. So the earlier you start focusing on 'here & now' - the shorter the period of pain and fear will be.
Your psychologist believes you can do this. I believe you can do this. As do others on here.
So it's grounding and diversion time tonight. Use your safety plan. Your comfort box. Maybe take your meds now - turn on a soft light - and hop into bed with Toby. With Cat somewhere nearby.
Can you picture a calming peaceful safe image? A lake. Puppies. Kittens. Soft clouds. Try to keep that image in your mind.
I'm right there next to you. See, even Toby came over to me for a pat.
♥♥♥♥

[utopia]

@Zoe7. Glad you are blowing those bubbles. What do Cat and Toby think about the bubbles?
I think Dog would try and eat the bubbles. She is a Labrador. Abbey would quiety go and investigate them & then want to take them back to her bed. Max - I think he wouldn't even notice them. Lol

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Zoe7 .... when D3 dislocated her knees, part of her recovery involved embracing "healing pain".  This was a new concept for both of us.

We grow up with the understanding that pain signifies that there is something wrong .... and that if something is painful, it needs to be treated so that the pain goes away .... think scratched knee and bandaid .... headache and analgesia ..... 

Then we encounter the pain of periods, and wonder what the hell that is for .... purpose ?? please explain !!  Okay, okay, the body is practicing for childbirth .... don't like it but sort of get it ....

"Healing pain" .... what is that now ??  

It's where you have damage to a ligament, and the only way it's going to get better is by being put into use ..... t will become weaker and more painful if it is not flexed and made to work, and in doing so it strengthens, and can then support the surrounding bone mechanics that result in the joint working properly .... 

This is what I am understanding about therapy .... having to push through the pain to come out the other side to everything working at least better, if not properly.  

You see the same thing happening now with artificial joint replacements .... they have the patients up and out of bed on the first day, weight-bearing on new knees and hips, even though it's straining the stitches and causing more pain .... the earlier and better they start to exercise, the better the long-term use of the joint is.

It might seem like dredging up unnecessary painful memories, but it sounds like lancing a boil and then allowing it to heal, even though it would seem that living with the boil would be the more preferable choice once the pain of lancing it has begun.

Does that make sense @Zoe7 ?  It actually provides purpose to suffering, and a belief that it will pass, and pass properly this time.

❤️💕🌷💐❣

[utopia]

I like your take on this @Faith-and-Hope. Makes perfect sense.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks for the feedback @utopia ...., I really appreciate that you can relate to it ....

Perhaps it is something that ought to be clearly taught to patients.  

It may be part of therapist training, and a gap exists between what the therapist knows and how the patient is perceiving their treatment ....

What do you think ?