Am Not Coping

[utopia]

@Zoe7 @Owlunar @Former-Member @Pepsimax & all.
Slept on and off today.
Now sitting at local cinema to watch a movie. Not wanting to talk to anyone - so went on my own.
But at least I'm out and about.

[Former-Member]

Totally understand @Zoe7  I wouldn't have it any other way. Great to read that you are seeing more positives now and that you are feeling better. Keep going one day at a time 💕xx

[Former-Member]

Hiya, @Zoe7
I think thats a good idea. Take it slow and step by step. I went straight back to full time from my year off. For me anything less would have felt like a failure? (even though i can see that it wouldnt have been and that i am definitely not suggesting it lol!
For me, the classroom isn't a problem. The actual teaching, moment by moment in the classroom is ok and I'm good at that sort of chaos control lol. Its everything else... especially the meetings/problems with parents etc
I dont know if i'll go part time now. I think it would be harder in some ways than just teaching full time.

[Former-Member]

Glad you got out and about @utopia. Always beats staying at home alone. Enjoy the movie 🎥 ❤

[Former-Member]

Thats great @utopia

Enjoy the movie 🙂

[Zoe7]

Yep - I totally get that @Former-Member I thought not being able to go back to work that I was a failure also. When the decision was taken out of my hands it actually came as a relief - I think that was when I really realised how bad I was. Last year it was really hard being on my class part-time and sharing with someone else (who I didn't have much respect for ) and teaching art the other day. It made it really hard as the first day back on the class each week was spent more on positive behaviour stuff and very little other work. The kids were always on edge after having the other teacher for a day and there were many little spot fires to put out. I did feel for the kids but there was nothing else I could do about it but be there for them. 

I agree - the classroom work and being with the kids is the easy part - it's all the other bullsh*t that takes so much time and is so tiring - meetings/paperwork/statistics/data/constant reporting to 'everyone in the world' and the time taken away from the actual teaching!!! I certainly am not trying to think about that side atm. I do know that there will be a lot of catching up to do when I eventually do go back and that there will need to be a lot of support to help me do that - so maybe a couple of hours with the kids and then a little bit of time afterwards (bit by bit) catching up on all the 'admin' related stuff may be a good plan. 

Thanks for your input - and listening to me while I try and work it out - it has actually made me feel a little more positive about eventually going back.

Zoe

[Zoe7]

I hope it is a comedy @utopia ! Enjoy the movie my friend.

Thinking of you 

[utopia]

@Former-Member @Former-Member @Zoe7.
No it wasn't a comedy. Was a movie with Will Smith. Think it was called Love Death & Time - or something like that. Was good. Like half of the audience, I cried, but was therapeutic and quite uplifting.
So I feel good.
Zoe - I like your idea of volunteering for a few hours - in term 2. I think that's a nice gentle way of getting back into things.
And I have noticed a huge improvement in your moods and in your ability to cope. That's down to you. Giving yourself the time you need. It's wonderful to see.
Was good you and your sister took Toby for a walk today. Fresh air and a run. I'm sure he loved it.
Yesterday / last nighr was really windy here. Branches scraping the windows and roof. Kept waking me up. But just like you and @Former-Member - I love the sound of the rain on the roof. And I have a tin roof - so it sounds even better.
Love to you all. ♥♥

[Former-Member]

Hi @utopia

That movie with Will Smith is called "Collateral Beauty" - a tear jerker but what a fantastic movie. The best I had seen for awhile! A good story that kept one hooked with no swearing, sex and violence. Such a well written plot I thought. Did you get whom love, death and time was in the end? It was brief and could of been missed by many. I loved it. Glad you enjoyed watching it too. It is a very uplifting movie.

Ahhh, rain on a tin roof - doesn't get better than that. I had the privilege of listening to that at my old home when we lived on a farming property. Very good memories for me. I miss those years so much - my daughter was so beautiful, pure and happy. I hope you are feeling better now @utopia and that the counselling session went okay. I was thinking of you 💕

[Zoe7]

@utopia I am so glad you enjoyed the movie and that you feel good 

Toby did love the beach. He runs everywhere and then crashes when we get back to the car and sleeps all the way home - very cute!

Love the rain - HATE the wind...

I think easing my way back into work will be good - just have to have the bosses agree to it first - when the time comes.

I think this really needs to be said  @utopia - do not underestimate the impact your support has had on me ... you really have held me up, kept me going, listened, given advice and at some of the most crucial times - kept me safe. Your words, your wisdom, your love and your friendship have been the light for me on the darkest of days - I can never repay you for what you have done to help. 

Thinking of you and sending all my love and strength to you 

... @Faith-and-Hope (see above also...)