Hi @Eve7
I am so sorry you have had so many close losses in your family - it has to be so hard - I know - we had a lot of deaths in my family from 2005 to 2016 - 6 actually - and although most of them were due to old age (including both my parents) - there were two from serious illness and one suicide - my cousin - and - well - at least I saw my extended family now and again but it was strange
I understand that a death could bring a family closer together - at least I felt a lot of relief when my son died but the grief from suicide is really hard and I hear you - and your sister refused treatment for breast cancer and didn't seem to want to stay with the family - that must feel like an ultimate rejection - but personally I think she was absorbed with her diagnosis and couldn't face life dealing with cancer - but how do you deal with that?
Having all this in the deep recesses of your soul is not a good way to deal with the grief - it stays there and festers and when you try to access it as you do with your pdoc - or rather - he does - it can really burn - while buried there is causes trouble too - I know from my own experience -
The young man who I worked with - we were together 40 hours a week when we were both 21 - he was killed in a car accident and my family wouldn't talk about it and I had no idea what to do - this was my first close death and all I could do was shut it down as you have done - but it was there - and it came out when my son died and I had to deal with it over 20 years after my friend died - so I had two young men in my therapy - and luckily I had a good therapist
We do need help to bring out the dragons and do battle with them - but I also think it has to be when we are ready - and years can pass - even so - I still have bad times around anniversaries and other events with my son - and with help I have learned to endure the bad times
But it's hard - yeah - and we need each other
Sending my love
Dec
