Thank you everyone. I am just logging on briefly to read your many kind messages.
I see that two of my lovely friends are gone ... @saltandpepper and EOR. I have read through and seen that S&P is taking a break. Hope you are doing alright there my friend. But EOR ... what happened to you EOR, my lovely long time friend? It looks like your account is closed? I hope that this was a choice of your own making, that you decided the time was right for more offline support. I pray that you are okay. You have been a very loyal and supportive friend to me over a long time and I will miss you very much. Please take good care of yourself and your little Georgia girl. I hope your Son is doing well too and that you get to see him more often now that QLD are out of covid restrictions.
A lot has happened in the past (almost) four weeks since I was last here. Time flies. I have had so many medical tets, scans and treatments in that time. My physical health is bad right now, and its affecting my mental and emotional health in a big way.
I finally got to see my GP and he ordered a CT scan for my crook back. It recommended an MRI, so that has also been done now. It all confirmed that I have two badly herniated discs in my lower back, which are both compressing the spinal cord and the nerves on both sides. I also have a spinal tumor on one of my discs. It is currently only small, but could prove problematic if it grows. This all explains the severe pain and incapacity I have been experiencing over the past 2 months.
I have been referred to a specialist who does spinal injections. Its hoped that it will help to relieve the pain to some extent. Nothing else has worked. But unfortunately the specialist comes up from Sydney and he is unwell right now. They need to determine when he can come back or whether they need to find another specialist to come up in his absence. So I am still awaiting that appointment. I could go to another major town further afield and possibly get in sooner, but you are not meant to drive for 24 hours after the procedure. So it would mean trying to find someone to drive me there and back, or staying there overnight. So I am still waiting, desperately for some respite from this incessant pain. It is near unbearable at times, and I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on without some improvement.
In another 10 days or so I have to have my next lot of xrays and ultrasounds for my breast cancer checkup, and then I see the oncologist the week after that. So thats all playing on my mind right now too.
Sunday marked 6 years since the sudden tragic death of my 11yo niece in a freak car accident. My brother and his family normally visit her grave on this day and release pink balloons for her. But with covid lockdown they were unable to do that this time.
My dad is needing to visit the nurse and Dr every week lately due to another infected foot and a skin infection. I wish I was able to visit, but sadly both my own physical health and covid lockdown prevents this.
Sadly my little dog Holly is also really unwell. On the weekend, I thought I had lost her. Friday night her breathing got much worse and she was barely breathing at all, and her skin went suddenly black. I thought she was suffering from oxygen deprivation. I cradled her in my arms all night comforting her, just waiting for morning when I could call the vet. I took her in first thing and waited for 2 hours because there were no appointments. Turns out that she has fluid on her lungs which has made her already bad breathing issues, worse. So she is on more medication for now to see if she responds. But really there is nothing more the vets can do. Its a matter of 'quality of life' now, and deciding when to put an end to things for her. To be honest, every day I have with her is worth it, as I did not expect to be coming home with her on the weekend. I just am not ready to live life without her, so soon after the death of my husband. All I have now is Holly. And my thinking along that line worries me, because I fear I will not make the right decisions for her. That I may selfishly hang onto her longer than I should. I dont know, but during the day she seems happy and lively. Its mostly nighttimes that are so bad. She is like me ... up all night and getting no sleep. At least I can breathe I suppose.
Okay going to try to tag everyone who has responded so kindly. Please forgive me if I miss you. Pain clouds my weary brain and I cannot think clearly sometimes.
Thanks everyone for your kind wishes and messages. I am not coming back just yet ... I'm not ready. I make too many mistakes here when I am distressed. But I think of you all often and with much gratitute and affection. I am including people here who have tagged me elsewhere as well. My apologies for not responding on other threads.
@Anastasia @Bow @NatureLover @BlueBay @Snowie @EOR @HenryX @Shaz51 @greenpea @Owlunar @Eve7 @saltandpepper @WIP @Peri @outlander @Oaktree @Sophia1 @Adge @TAB @Ant7 @Judi9877 @Appleblossom @Clawde @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @cloudcore @eth
Emelia 🌸
