im back..... i think

[Former-Member]

Hey @outlander sorry for the late reply, I'm here 🙂 It's been a while! 

[outlander]

Its been a while since i last spoke to you @Former-Member wow good to see you here

[Former-Member]

thanks @outlander good to see you too 🙂

[outlander]

Im not coping all to well after todays events @Former-Member

[Former-Member]

I'm really sorry to hear about that @outlander 😞 And I'm sorry you've been having some concerns around your health recently.. That must have been so scary getting yourself to the GP today! Good on you for being so brave and getting there.

If you're struggling to cope tonight @outlander, what's your plan for this evening to make sure you're ok? Have you thought about joining the thread at Am Not Coping where some other members are still up and about keeping each other distracted? Or can you contact a helpline service like lifeline to have a proper chat about how things are going? 

Thinking of you 

[outlander]

Todays psychiatrist and today in general


I went to my psychiatrsit appointment this morning
im not going back and im also not on any medications either now- not that I have much choice at all.

I thoughtd I would be honest and say how I felt and she said shes writing me a refferral up to go to hospital until I can get my medications sorted and that way I can increase them faster and be monitored as well.
Then she insisted on calling my mother, I knew it wasnt going to go well and boy was I RIGHT!

the phone call turned into an argument- my mothr kept msging me through the session telling me to get home
they were so angry at me for not opening up to them
it turned into an argument while I was there at the appointment.
It really set my anxiety off and I was dripping with sweat because of it

when I got hope I got yelled at and bossed around, got told that all this was in my head and that its a load of bull sh**t . im not going onto my medications anymore and all of them are now in the bin including the sleeping tablets. So I have nothing now at all.
Im not going to hospital accodording to them. My stupid psychitrsit told them about my sh thoughts even though I said not to.

They dont know that ive had suicide thoughts or that I actaully have had self harm

they had ago at me telling me that im not going to hospital because I dont belong there and its only for peopl who you see in emergency who are yelling and screaming and are out of control running around in nihgt gowns.

My mother had a go at me and said I never told her anything and I gave her numerous examples including what shes thoguth about my psych, her reaction to when I first asked for help, plus whe I offered many times o talk to my gp and my psychitrist and they said no, tried to inform her of medications and they wanted nothing to do with it.

They dont know about the sexual abuse or the hpv and I wont be telling them that either.

Mums boyfriend has made it clear that he will be coming to one of my gp appointments and I have 2 a week and that wont be happening not a chance ill keep cancelling and only go when he is at work and I wont be saying when they are


my mother made me feel even worse because apparently my sister and pop over heard the conversation about hospital and almost gave my pop a heart attack and my sister burst out crying


ive been demanded that I go tomy mums boysfriends mums house for a night or to to sort out my thoughts- yep thats going to be so awseome NOT!

Then we started with the jobs- I need a real job because I can have another job and still look after my pop.

Then we got into it that ill propbably loose my job because shes told centrelink and if I get any worse they will take me off it and I wont be able to go back onto it

they think ive wasted all my money seeing psycholoigists and psychiatrists as well and that seeing a psychologist is a load of s**t

I told them I have been diagnoses with all these things and they said thats because its been drilled into my head that I have them



so tonight im going to some strangers house and ive been demanded to make a lsit of eveythign thts bothering me and they are going to try to work it out. Htye still didnt listen to me properly though. They never will when they thing my diagnoses re a load of crap.

I was suppose to go to the drs today to get an antihistamine because im scrtaching like crazy like bugs crawing under my skin for the past few days and the psychitrist thinks that it is from the new abelts but I ahvent gone. So at the moment im on no tablets and im surprised im allowed to stay on the antibitics the way they are caring on, but I need to stay on them before this cyst gets worse. Then the gp was suppose to call the psychiatrist but I havent gone.

The mental health assessment team has been trying to get in contact with me now and wants me to ring them back. I ahvent answered any phone calls since this morning. I know they are ringing from my psychiatrist appointment this morning and im surprised they havent sent someone around. Im waiting for it but I cant do much about it if they do come I suppose. There was a knock at the door not that long ago and it scared the crap out of me because I thought it was them

ive been a total zombie all day and even when I was getting talked at I pretty much just stared at the floor and let them ramble on because I had nothing to say and when I said I dont now then it was the whole you do no I dont do self pity blah blah blah

the issues im dealing with- money bullies, no friends and all the rest im over reacting and over exagerating it


they also said I need to get my own life @Former-Member

[outlander]

my psychiatrist wanted me to start back on my old antidepressants but they didnt work anyway. So im waiting for everything to get out of my system. Im not expecting much sleep at all and im a friggin idiot because im scratching to the exent where I need to stop before I mak msyelf bleed so im going to have to go to some sort of dr and get treatment for that.

As I was eaving my house to go to some strangers hosue which Is where I am now, im awkwardly sitting here watching tv, and this is the first chance ive had to even get onto here, I forgot my antiiotics so I walked back in grabbed them and said they said bye and I said bye just taking my only meds im allowed to have


I cant feel anymore alone than what I am right now

[outlander]

And no im.not joining that thread unfortunately me and another font get along on there so st as ying away

[Former-Member]

@outlander it sounds like a really dreadful day. One thing after another.. one blow from your mum after the other. I think it's amazing how you're pushing through and coping tonight considering how tough today was. 

Given everything that happened today.. I can definitely understand your reaction to withdraw. But you're saying now you are feeling so alone.. Maybe it's time to call the mental health team back instead of ignoring them, and making sure you have the support you need for tonight?

You're at a strangers home, so I know you're feeling alone and uncomfortable right now. Rather than focusing on the things you can't control - like mum, your sister, pop, centrelink, psychiatrists, psychologists... Let's focus on what you can control and what you can do.

You can link back in with your team who have been trying to get in contact with you all day. Isolating yourself from them isn't helping them and it isn't helping you. What else can you do right now @outlander?

[outlander]

Its a very dreadful day not only from my mother but her bf too!
Im not ringing tge mh team now im at a strangers house last thingI need to us let out alk this crap
Im talking to people on the nightshift thread atm but i doubt ill sleep tonight and stressed out @Former-Member