Depression Dementia Dad

[Faith-and-Hope]

Good call @Former-Member ..... I am a cat lover, but a hostile cat under the feet of either of you is the last thing you need right now.

You’ve done your best with the others @Former-Member.   Park them all up for now and just enjoy your time with your Dad around all the issues .... that’s your gold here .....

We’re doing okay on our rollercoaster at the moment ..... nobody has fallen off it yet .....🤪:face_with_rolling_eyes:😏 ..... we are managing in the moment.

Goota go to sleep now before I wake up with the iPad on my face .... lol ....

Goodnight Hon, hope you sleep well.

[Former-Member]

After the family's first Mother's Day without mum next week - i think i'll be able to rest a little then. Was gonna try organise something but what's the point?

I feel like Nanny McFee "When you need me but don't want me I'll be here, but when you want me but don't need me - its time for me to go" her character is like me, very much 'alone' apart from her work.

I feel a heaviness over everyone in my life atm. I don't think its me. Not sure what it is. Winter blues maybe, fulllmoom? Pease pray for us. Thanks. Glad things are kinda steady for you atm.

xox

[Faith-and-Hope]

I do pray for you and your family @Former-Member ...... I am a “prayer warrior” from way back ..... ❤️

If the weather is fine enough, I think it would be lovely to spread a table in your Mum’s garden on Mother’s Day ..... pull out and use any special crockery she had ..... any sentimental bits and pieces .... and have a “Mad Hatters Tea Party” type event, whether it’s lunch or morning or afternoon tea ..... for you and your Dad.  Invite the family friends who came for his birthday and whose company he enjoyed.

If you can leave a general “open house for morning tea / lunch / afternoon tea in honour of Mum” on Facebook (seen only by close friends and family) or by text where you know your siblings will get it, set the table for six or eight people, and just accept any drop-ins you get across the day, washing and replacing the crockery as it’s used.

If you can think of anyone else whose company your Dad enjoys, invite them too, or anyone your Mum interacted with occasionally, but otherwise make the day about you and your Dad.

That’s my suggestion anyway, and what I think I would do .....

[Former-Member]

Good Idea @Faith-and-Hope, big cleanup needed for that so maybe i'll find the energy (just to end up sitting by myself anyway mosy likely), but declaring the day OPEN HOUSE might be good since they don't get that it always is here.

Witj what you know of me, is there some evil in me drawing their attitude? Is it me? I miss having a family, need them, and don't know what to do. Actually cried real tears yesterday, first in a long while. I don't think i'm as bad / deserved their angxt, hope not...

[Faith-and-Hope]

No @Former-Member ..... you’re heart and soul .... I just think they don’t know how to love and appreciate others very well, and if you sit back and look at the other relationships in their lives, are they loving relationships or control relationships ?

My in-laws generally have control relationship, and I had to learn this ..... and take my heart out of the way of it all cos that’s the first thing that gets bruised if you’re giving love and expecting it in return.  With people who deal that way, give service instead ..... service, they understand.  Just be mindful not to give yourself in complete servitude, cos that’s not looking after you.  That comes under “pearls before swine” if you are offering something precious to people who don’t want it and can’t respect it and for whom it has no real value.

I know it’s an ache in your heart @Former-Member, and I don’t know what I would do if my own family were that way, but they’re not .... that’s my reality ..... and sometimes you just have to replace family relationships with loving, nurturing friendships instead, and deal with family in a respectful, business-like manner instead.

I hope this helps .....

[Former-Member]

Thanks F&H for seeing me as 'heart & soul' & saying it (i think that's positive). I am trying to see them in 'business' terms, but thats not even possible when sis has a total blockout on me. And bro2 much the same. Both of them are married (have support), i don't understand.

The words my Bro2 said about me in front of mum's palliative care senior nurse during a family conference: "she's a horrible! horrible! person" it keeps replaying in my head. I honestly don't know what i ever did to him or anyone thats sooooo horrible. Same as my sister, what she's said & done makes me feel like maybe i'm trash & fruitless & don't deserve their love much less life itself.

It did occure to me that my being here to help dad live at home (not in care) has put tbe stop on them selling up the family home and taking their share. Especially Bro2 - he's struggling to pay his mortgage every month so maybe i stopped their plans for a pot of gold. Being a GP sis's hubby has the authority to place dad in permanenr care. I don't know, theyre not talking with me.

They don't seem to appreciate my 'service' (as such) to dad, they want me gone. But it makes no sense re dads needs. Poor dad. None of them are available to stay here, to do what i do. Anyway

I had a lovely safe drive (accept for wrong turns & getting lost a couple times & dad swearing at every wrong move of mine & everyone else on the road... The weather was divine for a drive & we did have our gettogether.

My Mild pain meds saw me through ok (not the zombie driver Dec lol), & i can lift the Rt leg well enough atm (thank goodness). But still glad to get home & lay down, not just for the back but for the nerves, the traffic & near misses & dad grumping & gettin lost 😨😩💤 yikes! I'm so tired.

When i got home - the front door was open. Dont think we'd leave it like that, but nothing gone, I miss the cat greeting us when we come home, sad, but easier & tbe dogs put out a joyful greeting for us.

Dad did something weird today, he poured his sweetener powder in his open birthday card instead of his coffee. And when we got home i gave him a tub of yoghurt & diet cordial. He put one spoon full of yoghurt in his cordial, tried to stir it in & then drank 😕 Oh dear 😒r. This is not a good sign re dementia decline. Maybe he's stressed from tbe long drive, i donno

About to take my medication & crash for the night. Check dad & lock up.
Good Night xox


@Former-Member, @Owlunar, @Zoe7, @Faith-and-Hope

[Shaz51]

Hello @Former-Member, sending you hugs and hope you have a good sleep tonight

Ypu wrote ----- Dad did something weird today, he poured his sweetener powder in his open birthday card instead of his coffee. And when we got home i gave him a tub of yoghurt & diet cordial. He put one spoon full of yoghurt in his cordial, tried to stir it in & then drank

we clean for a customers who husband has Dementia, alz, and when he makes a coffee , he will put the hot water into the coffee jar

[Former-Member]

Hot water in the coffee jar @Shaz51 😱😲😩 oh no! Its just cruel 💔

[Shaz51]

Yes it is sad , he does a lot of strange things @Former-Member, so I am feeling for you xx

when we are there to do the cleaning and the yard , the wife like to talk to me about everything

[Former-Member]

Dad has insight but the most frustrating part for him is not finding words. Today on the hifhway, he couldnt find the word for TRUCK - he called it LUGGAGE WAGON 😏