Depression Dementia Dad

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Former-Member

I hope as a part of the transition process the public officers will quickly see how much organisation and care you have put into your situation with your Dad, and how much personal sacrifice you have made considering your own circumstances.

This decision may actually raise a shield of protection for you against the wiles of your brothers and sister.  If they have to deal independently with these people, it won't take too long for everyone's character to start to show.

They will have seen all sorts of families before, and will work out just what a support you have been to your Dad.  I am guessing they will want you around.  It is not good for your Dad to be upset, and he will be upset if it looked like he was losing your company and care.

Deep breaths Hon ..... hold tight to your faith and your courage, and see what happens next.  Meantime, you have your work there to keep moving forward with.  You are doing an amazing job ..... keep going, and rest awhile when you run out of energy.

Listening along with you, sitting with you.

Hugs n hugs ..... wish I could come and just be with you .....

[Former-Member]

Thanks to all of you xox

So tired. And I can't stop crying on and off for two days now, so tired it hurts to move muscles. And I've had headaches, a migraine yesterday, and breathless and palpitations today. Just got no energy (did i just define 'exhaustion' lol). 

Got an pdf email letter from Public GuardianGuardian today saying:

"We look forward to talking to you soon about what decisions might need to be made. If you think Mr ### needs help from a guardian or there have been important changes in his life. Please contact the public guardianship team on (02)86882650 or email...

You can find info how PG makes decisions on www...

I don't find this msg very helpful in the slightest.

I just gotta finish packing here, & get back down there and go from there. Apparently dad already misses me. 

Blackdogs biting my heels 

- "he's better off without you"

- "they all really hate you"

- "thats because you're no good"

- "everyone wants a piece of me"

- "there's nothing left to give"

I had a nightmare Bro2 pulled a gun on me.

I don't know if I have the energy to 'suck up' to the invisible public guardianship.  They probably wont be able to understand my English (like most nursing staff & docyors in dydney now) - making everything harder. And what if the financials don't add up? What if I can't find that bit of paper... What if when o go back bros have broken into my room and trashed everything? 

ARRRRRRR!

PresentMoment, PresentMoment,

PresentMoment, PresentMoment, 

PresentMoment, PresentMoment,

PresentMoment, PresentMoment, 

PresentMoment, PresentMoment,

PresentMoment, PresentMoment, 

...

[outlander]

@Former-Member 💖

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member

Keeping you in prayers.

[Smc]

@Former-Member, I think @Faith-and-Hope is right that this may well work in your favour. Quite honestly, the main reason for appointing a Public Guardian may have been that they could clearly see that you and your siblings could not agree on your father's care, and the simplest way to cut through the disagreements is to put someone independant of the family into the picture.

I wouldn't panic about the financials. Yes, they will want to know that you've been responsible with your Dad's money, but I think it will be clearly obvious that you've been focused on his care, and not using his money or goods for your own benefit. I know from managing my parents' accounts that it becomes pretty impossible to for me to track it all, what with everything else happening in the background, but all you'd have to do is glance over their bank statements and you could see that it's been normal sized withdrawals for bills etc. and their occasional personal costs. It's only when there's something out of the ordinary to the point where it looks suspicious that they'll ask for explanations.

x

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

I am so glad I brought my computer with me so I can answer - your family members are jealous of your place in the family - I am sure of it - they want the kudoes but not the work - I think they have already proven that by their behaviour

No wonder you are so tired and have headaches and reduced to tears - you have only given your best to your parents all this time and now your Dad really needs you and this you know and this much has to be obvious

But your brothers are being so intrusive and so wrong about everything - like your stealing your Dad's car - what tommy-rot - wow - it is really hard for you and maybe a PG is the way to go - but that has to be hard and I get it - your house has been sold and you were planning to be your Dad's live-in carer (how lucky he is to have you) but what a nightmare of a family you have to contend with

Okay - the checklist

Your Dad is definitely better off with you - he will be in a nursing home without you -

And yeah - it certainly seems as if they all really hate you - you are in the way of their getting their mitts on anything of your fathers' before the due time - you are not like that but with their mind-set they are totally unaware of how much work you are doing there

It's because you are so good that they have all this hatred happening - they can't see you - you had a really hard time in the past but although you are still battling with depression most of this is in the past and you are still grieving your girl and now your mother so - wrong - you are a lot of good -yes

And yes - it does seem as if everyone wants a piece of you - and you do need to put self-care into your list of priorities - very high - you need to care for yourself because your dad needs you right now but you need yourself first and

It seems as if there is very little left of you right now - it has been exhausting dealing with your house and your parents' stuff as well and your Dad and your son - such a battle

No wonder you have bad dreams

We care about you here Lapses - I care about you

Sending lots of hugs from the tropics - I am flying home home tomorrow - I have enjoyed myself so much - I am a bit out of touch with the forum but I really care sis and I can tell you are having a really rough time

Dec

[Former-Member]

Must say that I am disappointed & angry with all of you who think dad is better off with a PUBLIC guardian than me. And that is putting it mildly. Rage might come closer. I hide (withdraw) because it just may spit sideways at you, the people closest to me.

Please don't ever say "its whats best for dad" to ME again. 'The State' cannot love someone - it is a machine, a structure, and all structures fail.

I honestly believe I have done an EXCEPTIONAL job at fixing mum's mess and managing ALL dads affairs, with dignity, and love, under fire. On that note, how come it was more 'OK' for mum to abuse and neglect dad but not ok what I've done?

Maybe i am delusional about myself, and my all will never be enough? But dad has been doing really well with me managing the bigger picture. I don't understand... I don't.

Guess it's all become too much, being shut out by so many people and fighting alone.

I just need to work through this anger without turning on those who do 'help' the most or inward to self harm.

All part of blackdog coming back I guess. Hope you can understand if I'm snappy, don't wanna hurt anyone.

Thanks for your @Owlunar, missed you. Can't remember where you went. Glad you enjoyed yourself away. And @Gaith-and-hope, guessing you have your own plate full atm too.

Its all too much.

I am angry, having trouble controlling it. There's nowhere to put such rage hut...

[Smc]

@Former-Member, maybe you're somewhat mistaking what we're saying.

I know on my part, it's not any hint that I don't think you've done well by your father. Your concern and the effort you've put in for him are obvious.

But the tribunal has to go by what's presented to them. They've heard conflicting information from you and your brothers.

A public guardian won't shut you away from your father, but as someone with legal oversight, it will give your good care a chance to be seen for what it is by an independant person. While they are primarily bound to make decisions for the benefit of the person they're assigned to, they are also meant to listen to and take into account the views and wishes of family members. That is where you will have a chance to show yourself for who you really are.

I really genuinely do hope that this works out well for both you and your father. I do understand that it must hurt so much. I know it's probably asking too much right at this moment, but once you've had a bit of time to take all of this huge stuff in, it would be well worthwhile following up the links they've sent to you, and getting off to a good start in communicating with the public guardian.

Also, I believe you are able to, at any time, ask for a review of the decision, but that might require going before the tribunal again. If you decide to do so, having backup from the appointed guardian re. your ability and desire to care for your father would be really valuable.

[Former-Member]

Its too late @Smc

[Shaz51]

@Former-Member, remember when i said that your dad might change his mind my friend xxx